Mother's Day or Birthmother's Day?

Question

I saw this website yesterday:

http://www.birthmombuds.com/bmomsday.htm

I wasn't aware of this day before. I wish my first mother Happy Mother's Day on the same day celebrated for every other mother.

I think this is strange that "birth" mothers have a separate day. What do all of you think?

Answer 1

For me, holidays mean whatever you interpret them. Mother's Day to me is for all the Mother figures in our life - blood relative, special aunts or friends. Whoever takes on those duties and is a special part of your life. I don't let a calendar dictate how I celebrate holidays. I love them all, but also do the work in between to make sure those I love and appreciate know it.

Answer 2

another way for card companies to gain sales.

Answer 3

mothers day.

Answer 4

If someone wants to celebrate Birthmothers day all the power to them. It was even started by a birthmother group in Seattle. If it helps birthmothers out then good for them. It seems to be more a day solely for the birthmothers to reflect on things not a day where per say their birthchild if they are in contact with them gets them a card or something, takes them out to dinner etc.

I read about this day some time ago but i have never been anywhere that has a birthmother day card.

Answer 5

I have an adopted mom and a birth mom.  They both get with happy mothers day on the regular May mother's day.  It really all depends on how you feel about your birth mom.  I am closer to my birth mom than my adopted mom but that is just our relationship.

Answer 6

I never heard of a separate day till we went thru our classes to adopt. I personally think its a wonderful idea. We always have a big family gathering on Mothers Day and it makes things a bit uncomfortable for all when the bio Mom comes over.(the child gets very overwhelmed) So we have our little guy visit with his bio Mom on the day before Mothers Day. Its not a requirement, its just whatever works in ones own situation.

Answer 7

This has Hallmark written all over it. Who is suposed to send them a card? If you're a birth mother who isn't in reunion it's yet another sad day. One isn't bad enough lets have two so you can really feel like a loser. I don't mean to offend, I just dont' think it's that great of an idea. I can see all these ladies buying and sending each other cards though. lol

No thanks.

Answer 8

it seems a bit patronizing to me.  i personally think it's demoralizing and cruel.

Answer 9

It's absurd.  People really want to put birthmoms on a pedastal, don't they?  Makes it so much easier to blame everyone else except for the Madonna that chose to give you up.

Answer 10

another way for Hallmark to make money...

Answer 11

Monkame, I sincerely hope you never say that to your kids.  She is still a part of them, whether she messed up or not.

As far as the question...I guess I'll see how my kids feel about it.  I don't think it's really my place to say whether it's good or bad.

Answer 12

i adopted a sibling group & she was a loozer & my kids have no use for her at all. she has done nothing but damage to my kids & i have been trying to fix it for since day one .it has been 8 years &  she don't deserve anyday all she does is keep havin more kids...that is how i feel about some birth moms.. not all.....just in my situation

Answer 13

I do not ever, EVER want to celebrate the most painful experience of my life. EVER!

Answer 14

i think thats wierd too.

Answer 15

whoever raised u should get the day.

Answer 16

I didn't know about it either. But after reading some of the website I think it's  a great idea. I have known several girls who have made the choice for the benefit of the child,  though it was not what they really wanted; it was the best decision for the child's sake. This is a nice way to recognize them for the strength and true love they have shown by their actions. I'm sure there are those out there that would prefer not to be recognized or reminded of the event but I think it's a nice idea to support those that we know and suffer pangs every mothers day for what they gave up.

Answer 17

Well, if it is a good day for them that is great.  I'm sure  some birthmothers may be pretty sad on Mother's Day and their child's birthday because they miss their children.  Actually, I kind think it's a neat idea.

Answer 18

Hallmark likes to add holidays because they like to sell cards. There are tons of silly holidays out there. Honor who you want on whatever day you want.

Answer 19

Hi Snow flake,

Aside from the point that Hallmark thinks they need another holiday to sell cards, I don't understand why natural mothers would need 2 days to celebrate their status.  Do adoptive mothers need 2 days?  Oh yeah - they have "Gotcha day" as well.

Is "Birthmother Day" really something that natural mothers WANT to celebrate?  And if it is, why is there not a corresponding day for fathers to celebrate the day that they, too, relinquished their rights to raise their children?  After all, there is a separate Father's day for biological fathers.  I think one day each, for both Mothers & Fathers of ALL types is really all that is needed.  

Yes Snow flake, very strange indeed.  My hunch is that by making a separate day and calling it Birthmother Day, it is yet one more way to not acknowledge that they ARE, in fact, MOTHERS.  Just because their children are not there with them on a day-to-day basis does not take that fact away.  My guess would be that anyone who would generally be in favor of telling women that giving away their babies is a normal, loving, unselfish thing to do would probably also be in favor of giving them Birthmothers Day cards to remind them of that.  Would be interesting to know if they would they also send those women cards on Mother's Day?

Good question.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 20

Wierd, I just saw that site for the first time yesterday, too.

As a birthmom, I think that having Birthmother's Day is a bit odd mixed with a bit of thoughtfulness.

Birthmoms are not the same as caretaking mothers, in my opinion.  I am a birthmom, and I also have children of my own.  If I hadn't gone on to have more children, I don't think that I would be of the same 'stature' of mother that is honored on Mother's Day.  This day, to me, honors the women who care for their children day in, day out, through the sicknesses, the first days of school, first crushes, etc.  They make lunches, they make beds, they help with homework, they do dishes & laundry.  They are honored on this one day for their hard work ALL YEAR.  

Birthmoms, while obviously serve an important purpose, just get one day- the day they give birth.  UNLESS they are in contact with their biological children, and do actually offer a bit of the mothering I described above.  

Just my opinion.  Of course, there is no harm in honoring someone for their selflessness on any day whatsoever- this is just my take on Birthmother's Day- which for those who might not know it but would care to, is the Saturday before Mother's Day.

Answer 21

It depends on your adoption situation and most importantly what is acceptable to the biomom. In my daughter's open adoption it just makes sense to celebrate her bio mom on Mother's Day.

Answer 22

That a good idea!

Answer 23

Both my mothers are my mothers.  Mother's Day works for both.  An extra day is just another way for someone, like Hallmark and other similar businesses, to make money.

Answer 24

I also find it weird and kinda silly.

Answer 25

I didn't know anything about a "birthparents day".  On my first mothers day (last year) with my son we remembered his first mom (birth mother) on that day as well with prayers and flower arrangement we displayed in our home. Since she wanted a closed adoption we unfortunately don't have contact with her, though we would have liked to. She is a wonderful and courageous young woman that we are grateful for everyday for her choice and her trust for us to raise the child she gave birth to.  I only hope we do an adequate job of explaining about her and telling our son about her as the years go by and the questions come.  I hope someday she will marry and have children of her own so she can know the love of a child in her own life when she is ready.

While it is a nice idea I think it does depend on the situation individual families are in. There are some birthmothers and parents that don't want reminders like this on a regular basis. It doesn't mean they don't know what they did was in the best interest of their child, but it is still a painful memory for some of them.  For us we remember our son's birthmom everyday, not just on mother's day or holidays.  She truly was a special and unique person that we will always think of as part our family even though we don't see her.  Sometimes I think birthparents are misunderstood as being nothing more than drug using s***w ups or even someone to pop out a kid and then told underhandedly to "go disappear" by some people. I don't agree with that at all.  They may not be "mom" in the sense they sit up all night with the child or have the duties of raising them, but there are many caring birthmom's out there that do see the children they placed for adoption or that keep in touch with the adoptive family of the child they brought to the world. They hurt and care like an adoptive parent would concerning their child's life.  If they didn't they wouldn't be birthparents to begin with and would not have made the hard choice to place a child they loved and just couldn't parent for whatever their situation.  As for me I'm grateful and thankful for my son's birthmother everyday. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her, how she is doing and where she is and more so, if she is wondering at times about the tiny little boy she gave to us through adoption last year.