Mother-daughter problems?

Question

Okay so its sort of a long story..

my mom worked with this lady who died, and the lady gave ALL of her belongings to us (like tupperwear, silverwear, pins, idk odds and ends that we DO NOT NEED!).

there were about 10 boxes sitting in our dining room taking up space for over half a year.

my mom kept saying she was going to sort them but she never did..so one day, i decided to sort it. i kept a few things that seemed interesting. but there was nothing good in them..it was stuff we already had. i mean the boxes-if you looked inside them, you could see what was in it. so then i took all the boxes to goodwill. i also took some of my moms cookbooks because we dont even have an oven, and she NEVER EVER cooks for us. we have atleast 400 cookbooks anyway around our house, no joke.well after i took all the boxes, she doesn't even notice..she just thought i cleaned!! bcuz i did clean, i vacuumed and dusted the entire house as well. well a few weeks pass and she realizes that all the boxes are gone and she calls me at work and asked me if i gave them away. i admitted it and apoloigized. she hasn't talked to me for well over a month now and i don't know what to do. even when she does talk to me, she acts like she can't stand me. we used to be SO unbelievably close, and now i feel like unconditional love isn't true. i mean i know she still loves me and all but i would hate to see if i did something REALLY bad..she probably would give me the cold shoulder forever. even when i left for registration for school, to get my pictures taken, i was all dressed up..she didn't even tell me that i looked nice. i told her i was going to registration to get my picture taken, she just said "bye." and then i left for an entire week this summer to stay with my cousin who lives 4 hours away, she never even once called me. i called once but she didn't pick up so i left a voicemail, and she didn't call me back.

i just don't understand how you can stop talking to your kid because she gave away things that weren't even being used..i mean it's not like i burned anything! she avoided me for like 3 weeks straight, and now she's just giving me the cold shoulder.

do you think she's acting the right way?? i am so confused. if i would have known she would have been this upset, i would take it all back! i just need advice. it's so sad to come home to an unhappy family, and to feel like my own mother wishes i was never born. that's what it really feels like.

she doesn't even talk to me AT ALL anymore, and if she does, she's telling me to do something, like to go get the mail, or to take out the garbage!

=[ it really does depress me. she doesn't understand that a 16 year old girl NEEDS someone to talk to..especially when friendships, boyfriends, peer pressure, confidence issues are in the back of my mind. and me and my dad have a HORRIBLE relationship with eachother. i just dont know what to do. and she's never even home all that much anymore, she took on SOO many night hours (because she didn't want to be near me)

i mean i dont understand at all! it really does like depress me. i'm not even a bad kid! i dont smoke or do drugs,i used to make her laugh all the time, we used to go shopping, and have so much fun together!

what do you think about this? anyone?

Answer 1

you need to have a talk with your mother and first of all apologize, telling her you thought you were doing a good thing.  if she continues to harangue you, then she's the problem and you should just steer clear of her.  you can look for another more positive adult female role model to help you grow up.  perhaps someone at church or school?  and when your mom asks what you're up to, tell her.  that should get her attention.

Answer 2

You did not ask her to invade those boxes.  Those things were hers.  At this point, write down a list of everything you can remember was in those boxes.  Tell her you are sorry and that these are the things (as best you can remember) that you gave away without her permission.  

Promise her you will not invade her personal things again.  What you have destroyed is trust.  Mean it and maybe she will forgive you and give you another chance.  Your mom still loves you, but she is getting older and needs you to be a person whom she can trust at all times.  ---- Toni D.  

Answer 3

That's great that you tried to smooth things over with her. You should talk to her and let her know that you are sorry for what happened and that you feel like things have changed since then. Tell her how you feel. If she knows I think she will try to change. Hopefully she will listen to what you tell her and things can work out. All you can do it try.

Answer 4

i think that your mom is acting immature and needs to start acting more like the mother and less like an unreasonable teenager. sorry if that sounds really harsh, but really, its not okay for her to ignore her daughter who had good intentions. try to not let her get you down too much.  

Answer 5

Wow, this is a really sad story.  Your mom must feel really violated for her to still be hurt and angry this long.  Yes, I used the word "violated" because that is what you did.  You say that you used to talk to each other but you didn't talk to her about getting rid of her stuff, did you?  Not just the boxes.  The cook books are personal items.  How would you like it if she just gave away your stuff.  Even if she thought that you weren't using it?  I know that you said that you apologized and that is all that you can really do.  

The thing that really seems to stand out in your dialog is that you still seem to be making excuses and minimizing your action.  Obviously, it is a big deal to your mom.  Maybe if you approached her with some understanding about how HUGE your mistake is, she might consider forgiving you.