Mother doesn't care enough to be with me when I give birth to my first child ...?

Question

I am almost five months pregnant.

I am so sad these days ... my father died 3 years ago ... he was the only parent who cared about me and supported me. My mother skipped my high school graduation, law school graduation and even my wedding. Lately, I've been watching shows about birth and bringing the baby home, and I get so depressed and upset when I realize that I don't have a mom who cares about me enough to be there for me when I give birth, like the rest of the rational world. I don't have any family where I live either. I feel like my little one is feeling all of my sadness too, which makes me even more sad.

Encouraging words/stories from mothers are welcome.

Answer 1

Dear Nancy,

I will just share my feelings and some knowledge based on my expereince with you. I always felt so alone, so lonely at one point of time when I had no friends to count on and family who just failed to understand me by all means. I felt I am good for nothing and no one loves me, it was more like suicidal as such.

But my brains had always been with me which pushed me to start thinking from another's point of view. And to my amazement I found that no one liked me because I was not lovable enough for that. I use to confine myself in my own world and would wait for others to come to me, walk towards me and then if my mood permitted they were allowed to be friendly as such. I realized that the problem was with me and not them. Every single head in this world is full of tensions and worries and no one has time to shed your tears from their eyes. The best you can do for them is to let them forget their stress as long as they are with you.

I started walking towards them and made sure to smile back even they were frowning at me. I realized how good I am in making friends. Thanks to all that negativity which lead me to see positve side of my personality.

Its easy to run away from every situation as well as life, there is no end to such marathon. The real beauty of life is to face everything and still stand Tall my friend.

I still may not have many friends to count on, but I am happy as I know who so ever comes near by leaves with broad smile and thanks for me.

I send you many many millions of smiles my unseen yet to be my friend, may they give you power to see your own strengths and virtues.

Your child feels everything with 500% more intensity than you as his all 5 senses are clubbed into just one sense, 6th sense. So please take care of your health and happiness as he needs all of them, that too only from you.

Do keep me informed about your health and all, shall keep sending you my smiles as it cost nothing to me but gives everything what one loves to have. :-)))))))))

With all due regards and care

Vinay

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Answer 2

You don't need anyone there to help you threw birth. It is your strength that raises and births that baby. You are there for your child weather your mother is there or not. You just have to stay strong. Your baby needs you, this is your chance to prove you are a better parent. I am sure either your other half or your close friends will be there for you.

My other half will be the only one there for my childs birth my mother will be on a cruse in Alaska.

Nothing matters but you and that baby. Don't let other things get you down. Stay strong mama!

Answer 3

im sorry to hear that.. i had my daughter 3 months ago and my mom never left my side...  good thing can come from this. you can give a child the love you dont get...  im sorry she dosnt appreciate you...  love that baby and it will return love back.

Answer 4

nancy, be patience, what ever happen she still your mom, maybe she  havent recovered yet from what happen to your dad, just always pray to god that someday she will recovered her past, continue communication to her, asking if she is alright show to her that you cared to her. your thoughtfulness show to her.

Answer 5

Do you have a mother in law, grandmother, close friend of the family??  It would hurt me not to have my mother involved in my life and my child's - but for whatever reason it's pretty clear your mother doesn't want to be involved.  As hard as it is, you somehow need to accept that and I would try to find a role model that you could grow close to and treat like a mother.  I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Get involved volunterring at a local Elementary School, Church Nursery, or join a church in general.

You will have tons of support then.

Answer 7

well your not alone. my mother was an alcoholis from the time i was 4 till i was 16. when i was 15, she cleared out the family bank accounts and disappeared. my dad worked overseas or months at a time. when he was away, she was drunk, when he was here, she wouldnt drink. so my sister and i kept it to ourselves for a long long time.

im now 23, and she hasnt drank since i was 16. but i feel like she is trying to over compensate for not caring for 12 years and ruining my childhood. she will buy my daughter loads of stuff but she doesnt get it when i say keep your money and get down on the floor and play with her, interact with her. she never done it with us, so she prob doesnt know how to.

all i can say is that you learn from your experience and break the cycle of the child being unhappy. be a good mother and do all the things your mother never could.

Answer 8

I assume you have a mother in law?  Ask her if she'd attend at the birth.  I'm sure she'd be pleased to see her grandchild be born.

It sounds like your mother has some issues.   I'm sorry she's not been the mother she should have been and you've got hurt in the process.  But, think of it this way - you now know how not to behave with respect to your own son or daughter.

Answer 9

I really feel for you, hun.  Your mother is really missing out.  I think you'll just have to go on without her, as she is apparently not interested in your life, which is soo sad. I do think your little precious one can feel your sadness, so try to cheer up, tho i know that's easier said than done. Just make a better life for your children, as your mother has given you a very poor example of what mothers do.  I don't always agree with my children's decisions, but I do recognize the importance of supporting them. I know I'm not helping you much here, hun but I just wanted you to know you have support.  Perhaps your husband's mother can make you feel better.  I truly hope you have some sort of support system you can rely on. Children are truly a great gift, and I wish you all the best. I really wish I could help you more.  Good luck!

wow. im astonished by the people who say their mother was not there for them.  that saddens me very much and makes me wonder how any of us make it through.  Mothers are the most important influence on our lives, whether good or bad.  Just love your child honey, and make sure he or she always knows that you love them and have their back, no matter what.

Answer 10

you should talk to her about it. you'll make it through the hard time. think about the wonderful child you are having

Answer 11

I don't have my mom either - She is alive, but not here for me or my child. She always has time for her boyfriend though.

You are not alone in having an absent mother. I had to learn to get over it. My Ex step-dad - (she left him for another man) told me that I have my own family now that she is not important - My children are important and my husband is important and to concentrate on them.

I've spent many nights crying over my mom - I'm over it and tired of crying - one day you will be too! Don't waste energy on her - instead put that energy in your new precious child!

Answer 12

My mother has been out of my life so long, I stopped caring. I gave up trying to impress her & try and make her apart of my life a long time ago.

My children are no different in not know her. No I lie, they are all better from not knowing her. She cannot disappoint them like she has me.

It's ok, but some times we need to let go. For me, she never was my Mum, she was someone who I knew.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 13

Not To Worry! Babies all come with there own Angels so, that means you have 1 too. You'll see. When my wife was giving birth to our son she was having a VERY hard delivery, She called her mom to tell her she was at the hosp. in labor and her mother(drunk) Barked," YOU WOKE ME UP FOR THAT?! Diane (my wife) had tears streaming down her face as she hung up the phone.The nurses treated us like c**p because we were on title 19 Medical and not married at the time. About 5 hrs in to her labor ,an older nurse came into the room to check her.

     The 1st thing she did was to take Diane by the hand and tell her "every thing will be OK." D. told me that a feeling of calm and a loving peace came over her, her fear and sadness went away. our son just turned 19 and EVERY year on his birthday she talks about his birth and still swears that nurse was an Angel. WOW !!! RITE NOW as I`m typing this to you the "Loggins & Messina Song ...Danny's Song" came on the radio! Hes singing about his son being born,You know the song with the Line  "And Everything Is Gonna Be Alright"   .NO B.S.!   FRRREAKY!!   Diane would call this "Confirmation" Meaning that the angels are confirming what I`m saying to you as true. She wont be surprised when I tell her about this in the morning. Now the song "It`s Magic,never believe it`s not so"  is playing, Just more confirmation! I think you have nothing to worry about, the angels are with you and your baby . I know it for sure now.  Good luck to you , not that you`ll need it.