Mother-in-law doesn't want to be called Grandma!

Question

I am 6 weeks pregnant and while entire family(mine and in-laws)are very excited Mother in law doesn't want to be called Grandma "because it will make her feel old"!!! Personally, I think it is ridiculous. Anyway, she asked me if the baby could call her Mama and I said no because I am the childs mother and she is the grandmother. She said "well, the baby can call you Mommy and me Mama" and I still said no. The problem is hubby sees nothing wrong with our child calling his mom mama and me mommy but I don't want it. It is my child and I am the only woman this child will ever call "mommy, mama, mami, mother, mom etc" and that is that. He said "well, we'll see about that when the baby arrives." This is unfair, she has 4 children and already got the priveledge of being called mom, this is my first child and I want to be MOM and only me!!!!! I don't care if that sounds selfish either, my Grandma is going to be a Great Grandma and she is bragging about it to perfect strangers. Hubbys Mom is my childs Grandma so my child should call her just that right?! What should I do?

Answer 1

i agree if she want she can go by

Grammy,

Buba,

Bubie,

Nana,

Noni,

Mimi,

Grandma,

Grandmother,

Grandmama,

Gama,

Ga-ga,

Grand mom,

Gmom,

Gma,

Gmommy,

Grandmommy,

Ya-ya (greek form),

Safta (Hebrew),

But Not Mom, Mommy, and especially Mama. If she doesn't agree to any of these then ask her what her kids called their grandmas (ask your hubby if you think she is lying) and go by that.

Answer 2

As I was reading this, I was getting angry at your mother in law!!  I agree with EVERY word you said.  Hold your ground.  So maybe the baby doesn't have to call her grandma, maybe nana or nanny, or any other variation but you are soooo right saying that EVERY form of the word mother is reserved for YOU!  You have do idea if when your child will start to talk, he will want to call you mama (which MOST children do at first), mommy, mom, mam, etc....

And if my husband ever said "we'll see about that", i'd flip my lid and tell him that your baby will call his grandfather Dad then!

Answer 3

/ You are right, and your mother in law is acting ridiculous!

Tell her to pick a name that suits her, and it cannot be "mother" terminology.  If she doesn't, let her know you will be choosing her new name and re-inforcing the child to learn it all the time.

How about, 'Nana'?

Answer 4

Why not suggest "Nana" as what you're child call your mother-in-law. It's not "grandma" but its not "mom" or any variation of that.

Answer 5

Well if she doesn't want Grandma why not Nanna, Nan, Nanny. Something like that?

Here in Australia we generally have Nanna's/Nan's,Nanny's (mum's mum) then Grandma's (nanna's mum)

In some countires Granmda is Mama. My cousin used to call her Nan Mama. And it was never a problem.

Tell her to be thankful she can be called Nanna or something because my son HAS to call my MIL  Babushka(?sp) because my partner's step dad is Russian.

You can also wait for the baby to arrive and just see what they call her.

Answer 6

I agree, she should not request to be called MaMa because we all know, babies say DaDa first, and then MaMa.. Not Mommy...  How dare she try to take that from you.. Thats just plain rediculous.  I'd think of other names to call her.. maybe me-mal, ma-mal... Something other than Grandma.

I had a name situation as well.  My inlaws had other grandkids before mine but they call my FIL something different everytime.. 1 day is his granddaddy, 1 day he is grandpa, 1 day he is PopPop.. it drove me nuts.. the other grandkids were clueless what to call him because he always used something different.. Finally, I set it straight..  I hated the kids being confused so I asked what he wanted to be called and that was that..

Answer 7

Stop talking about it to anyone. Hopefully the subject will be dropped. She is one sick woman and your husband doesnt see it.

You have a problem not with her but with your husband. I suggest you think really deeply about planning out this delivery and the following month.  In other words stop telling everything about your new baby especially the due date. I presume you will want privacy and bonding with your husband and the baby. I foresee she will try to ruin that. Unfortunately she has lost her chance for credibility since she lives in a fantasy world where she is not a grandmother. How arrogant, rude and selfish of her. Forget about her though and plan out how you want this to go as far as keeping her at a level where she is invited only. You may want to also do it with your family so no favoritism is shown. I have seen such feuds develop over who is in delivery room and who sees the baby first so you could, if you like, say that it will be private and you will invite people to see the baby when you are settled into a routine. It will take stategery as Geo Bush coined that word. The funny thing is that the child will begin to talk and say whatever he/she wants so I suggest you refer to her to the baby as ' your grandmother' which is exactly what she is.

Answer 8

She needs to be grandma or nana, or whatever.  But mama is you.  Your little one will start calling you mama before mommy.  Mama is your name, and you need to tell her she can pick another name but mama is yours.

Answer 9

I think you should call her aunt or another name that not old for her  to think! have you think of any names? how about:aunt. mother in law?

Answer 10

Try alternatives to Grandma.  Like nana, noni, etc.  Or come up with a special name just for your child to call her Grandma.

But absolutely, put your foot down.  You are this child's mother, not her.  It is unfair of her to expect this of you.

Answer 11

Try nana, gams, meemee, nyna, or any of the numerous other variations of "grandma" she might like some of those better, and still keep mama for just you.  

Answer 12

LOL! On one hand it sounds like you're being hysterical because of pregnancy horomones (which is probabyl what he thinks), but on the other hand, as a mom myself, I understand. My MIL or future MIL wants to be called mama. I said h**l NO! Her own son does not call anyone else ma except for her so neither will my child. I would reinforce it. Find an alternative and refer to that when you are around the child and her.

She should respect your wishes and so should your husband after all YOU carried your baby for 9 months and went through the pain of delivery not them

Answer 13

my granda was called by her first, my nephews call my mom, granda in spanish, and my boyfriend calls his  grandma ma... i think that if you dont want your child to call her momma then dont let it happen. she needs to respect your wishes it's your kid. if she dosn't respect that start only refering to her as grandma!!!!!! forget her first name!!  

Answer 14

You hold your grounds to what you beleive and what you want.  It is rediculous to think that a grandmother would do or say something like this... especially since you are pregnant.  Is this her first grandchild?  My goodness, she is acting like a little girl throwing a temper tantrum. And your husband... what in the world?!  Where is his loyalty and understanding?  

What you should do is have your child (once he/she is old enough to talk) call her by her first name!  Wouldn't that be something.  Have your child call her nana... although I did like "Buba" and "Bubie"!  Oh that would be so funny!  Imagine them at the toy store and your baby calling her BUBA or BUBIE!  

But seriously speaking, if you don't like something then don't let it go.  Yes, many people will say, "Oh come on, it's just a name."  But you know what... that is your name!  We have the right to be called mom, mama, mother, mommy, mami...  we earned that right and privilege.  

Answer 15

How rude!!!!!

Firstly, tell your husband to read these answers and to support you. This probably won't be the first "baby issue" that you will come ac cross with family members and if he is not on your side before the child is even born, what will he be like afterwards?

Secondly, if his mother has issues with being old enough to be a Grandma, they are HER issues, not yours. She should be proud and excited to be a Nana, not trying to hide it because she will look old, how ridiculous.

Thirdly, as you are aware, Mama is the same thing as Mum, Mummy etc so where does this woman get off thinking you should have your child call someone else Mum?

Fourthly, My daughter started calling me Mummy. She now sometimes calls me Mum and Mama. How will you explain to your child that he/she cannot call you Mama because that is Grandma's name?

This woman is being very selfish and rude. Stand your ground now as it will set a precedent for future problems that may arrive.

Good luck.

Answer 16

Hold your ground!  You are "mommy, mama and mom."  Her calling her grandmother mama will not work and tell her to get over herself.  All my daughter calls me is mama.

Compromise with something like Nana...it's better than "hey you old lady!"  HA!

Answer 17

I understand exactly what you mean.  Tell her if she doesn't like it the child can call her by her first name then.  As a mother of 2 boys I would never let my boys call their grandmother "mama" or anything other then grandma.  Best of luck, hold your ground it will all work out!!

Answer 18

my mans mam has the same opinion she doesnt want to be called grandma or gran or granny she wants the kids to call her buy her first name..... i dont agree with this and when i do have children they will call her a name refering her to granny to which she is.......... if i was you i would stand your ground and anyway how can you stop your child from calling your mother in law gran or whatever... i you refer to her as gran to your child your child will call her gran so on and so forth there is no point worryin at this stage but again what ever you call her to your child yur child will call her that...

BEST OF LUCK

KARRIE  

Answer 19

Teach your child to say grandma, how rediculous. Your Mother in law is pathetic.

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Answer 20

How about one of the following

g-ma, nanna, or gram.  I really think that your mother in law needs to grow up and realize that no mother wants their child to be calling some one else mom.  

Answer 21

Suggest that she be called "Mimi". That's what my kids call my fiance's mother. She loves it. And it's definitely different than Mama. Or maybe they can call her Nana? You should definitely not encourage your children to call her anything near Mom or Mama. Who knows, the mother-in-law just might change her mind when your cute little baby is actually in front of her and learning to talk. Suggest "Mimi" though....just in case.

Answer 22

WHOA! No. She is not Mama...that is what my daughter calls me.

Neither my mom or my mother in law wanted to be called grandma (though they don't deny that they are her grandmother) My mom is Nana and his mom is MiMi.  

My grandmother is Nanny, my great grandmother is Mema, my great great's were Ninnie and Grannie Annie.

Anyways, Mommy is juvenile. When the child gets too old to call you mommy, it will resort to Mom or Mama. But to me and my sisters, We've ALWAYS called OUR MOTHER Mama.

The only time I've ever heard a grandmother called Mama was in the instance that the grandmother had custody and raided the child herself.

As for your husband, he sounds like an obnoxious idiot. Maybe you shoul have ha this discussion with him before you got married. YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN or your m.i.l. will be raising your baby. If your husband wont end this foolish bullsh_t, think about all the other things he's going to let his mother do: Spank, give them things after  you say no, buying lavish gifts that you don't approve of, etc.

Good luck and please please please make your husband realize that his mother had her chance to be mama and now it is your turn.

here's a good site for names your mil can use instead of mama since that role is TAKEN!!!

btw, Ya-Ya is my fave!

Answer 23

lots of people grandma dont like to be called grandma my best friend grandama dont like it neither she like for them to call her missy

Answer 24

Your motherinlaw is being absolutely ridiculous. You are the child's mother...period! Does she realize what confusion she will bring upon this child? There are other terms she could use instead of grandma such as nana, nanny, granny, mema, memaw, mawmaw, grandmama

Have another serious conversation with your husband about how you feel about this and how it could adversely affect your child. Good luck

Answer 25

Perfect substitutes for grandma are nana and nanny. You're right, it's your baby, you're the mommy, don't let her take that away from you. If she insists on being difficult let the baby call her grandma and watch her cringe! LOL! By the way, my mom is granny to all her grandchildren. I think this is especially funny because my mom didn't want to be called grandma and my nephew started calling her granny (which I think is worse) but it stuck and now she's granny and proud of it! LOL!  

Answer 26

Mama is often the first word children use to call their mothers before they start using mummy, same goes with dada for daddy, it's just the way their speech develops. Your m.i.l is being selfish and silly regarding this subject and I really hope she realises this. Don't stand for it, it's your precious child and how confused will the child be when it's old enough to understand!  My son calls my mother 'nan' and my father 'grampy', I always called my grandmothers Nana and Nanny, I find grandma to be a little formal anyway. Hopefully she will see how ridiculous she is being and I would be feeling angry if I was you, hubby needs to support you too and not be sticking up for his mother! My mother was 49 nearly 50 when I had my son which isn't old and she never once tried to demand such a silly thing, neither did the fathers mum who was 55.

Answer 27

Hold you ground.  Some people are so self-centered.  She probably doesn't even realize your bothered.  Suggest some other name, but all form of mom or out.  Also make sure she doesn't go behind your back and teach the baby to call her "Mama".  

Answer 28

ask if your child can call her nana? or some other nicknames. or if all else fails, my friend calls her grandma by her first name

Answer 29

Yikes.  Tell her NO!  You are right - you're the momma!

Maybe try some other grandma-like names on her.  Nana, Grammy, Buchia (which I think means grandma in Russian?  German?  Something)(oh, and pronounced Boo-sha)

Answer 30

TELL HER NO TO MAMA

what a crazy lady & how rude too