Mother-in-law is ruining the relationship between my husband and 19th month baby?

Question

When I first got married to my husband that first year we lived alone in this small apartment that was just perfect for us. In the second year of marriage my MIL got divorced with her husband and moved in with us. Space was getting tight so she suggested to my husband her oldest son that we get something better but only "temporary" until she can get back on her feet. This was 7 years ago and she still lives with us, this time we bought a house and she bought her youngest son ( he is 23 years old) into our house to live with us. The youngest son took my daughter's bedroom and she has the second biggest bedroom in the house. My daughter sleeps with us in our bedroom. Everytime we get into a full blown fight she says that she is leaving the house in a month or some other bull she tells me. I have been hearing this for the last 2 years and I cant take it anymore, she also challenges me on how I raise my child and the discipline I give her. My daughter is at her terrible 2 age and her tantrums are getting out of hand because of my MIL because she gives into her tantrums going against me. Then as usual she gets my husband against me and says how bad i am and all these lies against me. My husband doesnt take it from her hearing bad things about me SOMETIMES, but since I am always telling my husband what she is doing, I am begining to think that he thinks I complain about her to much. I just dont know how to handle her or what to say to her or control her without getting into a huge fight with her and me looking like a bad person in front of my husband. I ask my husband everyday as to when she is leaving and he tells me the same thing. I see our marriage life becoming more and more unhappy. She does not respect me or does not help out with anything does not pay the bills or anything. She is a nightmare, I just need to know how to handle her without my husband and to get her the h**l our of my house. PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

Well, I think you and your husband need to have a real conversation about this situation, and let him know how unhappy this is making you and your child, this is putting a wedge between you and your relationship as a mother with your daughter, and this is never good, not to mention as a wife to your husband. This is your husbands responsibility to you, to take care of it, you should not be the one to say anything in front of, or to your MIL, I suggest you let him know what you want done and leave it in his lap with a time frame you are willing to work with, and if nothing happens, take your child and you go find yourself somewhere to stay, this will get his attention if he loves you both, remember when you married him you married only him, not his mom and brother. The bible says "Therefor shall a man leave his father, and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh." Gen.2:24  you are not asking to much, you are giving too much,(" now go take on the day!") Quote Dr. Laura Slesinger

Cherry

Answer 2

Point blank -woman you need to find yourself a place. You have overstayed your  welcome.start eviction proceedings and have her served. tell his brother your kid needs her room and he will need to move to the couch. get a back bone and stand up for YOUR family.

Answer 3

Honey, you're in a bad spot, that's for sure.  Bless your heart.  I'd honestly give hubby an ultimatum...it's either me or your mother!  She'd be out of my house, because I wouldn't ever have let her in it, but it's too late for that now.  My MIL hates my guuuuuttttsssss!  She wouldn't pee in my ear if I were on fire!  So to even think about her living under the same roof than me is more than I can even begin to fathom.  My BIL, too?  NOOO!!

I can understand where he's probably getting sick and tired of hearing it out of both of you (not to be mean...you have every right to complain!), so I'm sure he's probably ready for a move, too.  Try laying off for a while, stearing clear of the MIL, and biding your time.  Give him a little while to relax in the situation, then talk to him.  Seriously, I'd say, It's me or her!

As far as her butting in when you're correcting your daughter, Darlin', you need to put a stop to that NOW!  The next time you're correcting your daughter, you stop her in her tracks.  You can do so tactfully!  Face her, look her square in the eye, and say, You raised your children the way you wanted to raise them, allow me to do the same with my daughter.  In the event that I need your help, I will ask for it.  Otherwise, I'd appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself and let me handle my daughter.  I appreciate your help, now back off.  

Then tend to your daughter.  Nip it in the bud before your terrible twos pass over into the threes!!  Again, you're really inbetween a rock and a hard place.  My heart really goes out to you, Darlin'.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

(I'd also find an apartment for the MIL & BIL and help them pack!)

God's blessings on you and yours...Always!

Answer 4

Holy ****! And this has been going on for 7 years?????? I would tell that old crone and her youngest son to get lost. You and your husband need to get back into your little place and live your own lives. You cannot possibly stay sane in a place like this and your daughter is not going to develope properly. You need to have a serious sit down with your husband and tell him enough is enough. Your mother in law is just taking advantage of you and your hospitality (not to mention your brother in law) and the time for her to get her own place is now. Either that or you leave. I'm sure something will be done if you live up to your word.

Answer 5

How you handle her is this: "Excuse me, this is my home not yours, and you need to start respecting me."  

With your husband, you need to explain to her that they have 90 days to find a new place to stay, and you will aid them in doing so.

Here's the thing.. when you're married, you shouldn't be sharing your home with anyone.  You're married -- roommates are a no-no!  If they needed somewhere to stay on a temporary basis as an emergency that's one thing but 7 years is WAY out of control!!  

Tell them they have 90 days to find a new place.  If they don't move out in 90 days, kick them out onto the streets -- may seem harsh but you shouldn't help them if they won't help themselves.  In the meantime, get her to start respecting you, your parenting skills, and your home.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I'd say sit down with him and possibly the in-laws too and explain that the situation isn't working, and it is time for you guys to have your own space to be a family.  If words don't work, then you must take action.  Go out and find an apartment that will come available in about 3 months with 2 bedrooms that way it would be suitable for your family or the in-laws.  Tell your husband that you found said apartment and you have reserved it, and either your MIL and BIL will move into it when it becomes available or you will.  If he doesn't believe you, go put a deposit down and let him see the receipt and the draft out of your account.  If he still doesn't believe you then 2 weeks before time to move start boxing things up.  Hopefully, he would get the message and get the in-laws out, but if not you have to follow through to show him how serious you are.  If you move out and he still doesn't make a serious effort, then unfortunately you may have to let him go.  You can't live in a situation like that where you are miserable for a reason that is perfectly straightforward to fix, and a man that won't stand up to his mother to keep his wife and child isn't much of a man.

Answer 7

Kick them out! And if she is leaving there i hope she is paying some for of rent and not living in YOUR home free of charge. Your hubby needs to grow up and be a man. His duty is to his wife now not to his mother anymore. Once you get married you are on your own and mommy dearest should mind her own .

Answer 8

The Bible says, " a house divided against itself, can not stand".

The time has come where you are going to have to have a very serious talk with your husband. He has to be the one to change things. Give him a certain amount of time to do it or you are moving out. He has to choose if he wants his mother /brother or if he wants his wife and child.  You cannot continue living like you are plus not having any authority in your own home. The child is your resposibility not you MIL. I know your husband is not going to want to deal with this but he needs to. You have to explain to him that your serious about leaving and if he doesn't clean house, you will go. Find a place to go, (if need be) and carry out what your telling him. It won't take long until he will see your serious and do some rearranging. Good luck. This has to be a very unhappy way to live.

Answer 9

I'm sorry, I wouldn't let my MIL run my life and ruin my relationship, and I would have done something the first year, this would have not went on for seven years. It would be either she goes or I go. Seven years is long enough to establish herself, she overstayed her welcome and is crossing boundaries. I'd start saving for my own apartment for my daughter and I to live in your husband can't step up and be a man even if it is his mother. You're his wife and you're supposed to come first. It's not like you didn't try to get along and you've put up with her for seven years. You two can't even enjoy married life because you have his mom and brother breathing down your neck. Sit down with your husband when you two are alone, completely and have this discussion. If you two can make it on your own, then you don't need people living with you. You are two adults and need to stand on your own two feet just like she needs to and her youngest son. Put your foot down and your husband needs to grow some balls and be a man because I wouldn't let anyone run my life as an adult. He needs to support your decision as a wife and realize that you two need your own space to raise your family. She's done her job of raising her own family, she needs to leave you to yours.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I understand she is your MIL but get that lady out of your house now before you end up divorced as well  

Answer 11

My mother in law and I don't even talk anymore at all!  I can't stand her.  When I was pregnant with my 2nd kid she didn't talk to me because she felt like we didn't give the first one enough attention because they are 19 months apart.

Answer 12

Please girl, i wouldve packed all my S*** and got the heck outta dodge. for one thing why is your husband even allowing his mom's to just live w/ yall all them years, PLUS on top of that his brother too and for FREE!!, are you kidding me?? it's a D*** recession out here. what? are they disabled?? if so then i guess they get a coo coo check each month w/ the way things are around your household, and your MIL thinking she can just be rude and act like she has no sense like everyone has to cater to her and her laziness i dont think so, let your husband and brother take care of her and you go w/ your child and maybe your husband will have enough sense to follow you along and leave them two to fend for themselves for a change..

Answer 13

suggest to your hubby that you should help them find a place .find excuses to get her out . stuffs like how your older daughter is talking about leaving the house and whatnot because she sees you guys fighting  when she is in your bedroom . flat out . tell hubby what you think.

Answer 14

need to have a major family meeting and get everything out and work on this and come up with some solutions..sounds like it is time for her to have her own place..families today have a lot going on and you can still have her in your lives, but you can limit any contact with her.

Answer 15

YOUR MIL CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO ANYONE THAT THEY DO NOT ALLOW TO BE DONE TO THEMSELVES.  Unless your husband is 12, he needs to grow some balls and stand up to the woman and put his foot down.  OBVIOUSLY it does NOT help that you are living under HER roof.

Quit complaining, get off your butts, and get your OWN place.  THEN you can choose never to speak to her ever again if you think that is the answer.  The woman is not yours to deal with, she is HIS problem - stay out of it or it will come back on you ten fold - guaranteed.