Mother in law issues?

Question

My mother in law is so negative, bordering on abusive, like telling me I cant find a job, etc. She is also very stubborn. She doesnt want me to vaccinate my baby boy because she thinks it causes autism. I have told her many times her information is inaccurate, plus this is my son and its my choice. she keeps forwarding me information against vaccinations, finally i emailed her back telling her to please stop sending this to me, i tried to be really nice but i have had enough. i dont want to think about autism and my baby. its so negative. well she forwarded the email to her other son and wrote how i am so close minded and she is finding out about the real me. i cant believe it! i am so hurt!!!! what should i do? this is ruined our relationship for good. i actually liked her before but after knowing she said that about me behind my back, its over! she also talks bad all the time about her other daughter in law, she calls her a moron all the time. makes me wonder what she says about me, now i know! what should i do?

Answer 1

she is controlling and will not change. YOU are the one who must change to deal with this. 1). block her e-mail address so it goes right into your spam folder. 2) make sure your husband is on the same page with you re: vaccinations, child rearing, etc. 3) get your hubby to tell her that this is how you BOTH agree to raise the kid. then turn a deaf ear to her. she gets pleasure out of pushing your buttons so dont let her push them!!

Answer 2

Distance yourself. Hopefully your husband will support you in this otherwise you have even bigger problems. Tell him what you wrote above and that you know he will understand if for your health and the health of his son, you can no longer take her manipulative and controlling ways . Tell him he may visit her when he wishes but that you will now concentrate on doing the job that is most important to you which is taking care of him and his son. Do not answer the phone ( let it take messages) or the door if she is in the habit of showing up. Thats it .She should be gone from your life . Do not feel guilty since if you continue this she will take over your son and brainwash him.

Answer 3

Tell her that you appreciate her input however you and your husband ultimately make the decision for your son - as a team.

Be upfront and honest with her. Tell you you don't feel comfortable hearing her call her other daughter-in-law a moron and you wonder what she says behind your back. Tell her that you respect her and love her as your mother-in-law and it hurts your feelings when she talks that way. Then tell her how important it is to your hubby (her son)  that you are she get along and love each other. By telling her that she feels obligated to make things work and to try for her son.

Just giving up is not the answer. But sitting back and taking it is also not the answer. A mom is important to a son and a mother needs a son. I know that you are married and your hubby loves you but you don't want to put him in any place to make choices or bad mouth her (because he would not bad mouth you). To him it will seam like you are making the right choice and really trying. When he has enough of her he will say something too.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

just do what you want she cant stop you if you want to vaccinate your child then do it.(.i thought this was something that had to be done anyway) let your partner know what she is saying about you and hopefully he will have a word to her...just distance yourself from her and like the other person said block her email or mark as junk then at least they wont come to ur inbox.you need to put your foot down and tell her its your child not hers and you will do what you see fit.

Answer 5

You're going to have to learn how to ..take on board what you want from her and ignore what you don't want...she may be really concerned about this vaccination but is not willing to listen to you about it , so all you can do is ignore her and don't fill her in on to much of your business...it wont be easy but you can do it with time and patience.  You have my deepest sympathy :)

Answer 6

Your mother in law is a bit out.Just don't let her meddle with your life, its going to be miserable. All you have to do is get on good with your husband,talk to him and make him understand your point of view..(don't talk bad about his mom - not many people can take if you talk bad about their moms) so when your husband know your point of view its easier for you to reject his mother's opinions and may be will tell his mother to stop bickering....