Mother-in-law that plays favorites...?

Question

I think I have the MIL from h**l. I just had a child in Feb. of this year and this is the 6th grandchild for my MIL and her husband. We live an hour away from her and they never come to see her. They always want us to drive an hour to see them. However, they go out of their way for the other grandchildren. When we do visit, they are more concerned about the others than my daughter (SC). My husband and I were bad sick the other day and I called my parents (who are 6 hours away) and they were going to drop everything and drive up there to help us with the baby while we were sick. My mom calls my MIL to come stay with us until she can get there, well my MIL says "we have the other grandkids we are babysitting and we have company". Bear in mind, this "company" is there just about every other week and they keep the other grandkids all week during the summer so the parents don't have to pay daycare. The parents live only 30 mins away. They never pay for anything when it comes to...

Answer 1

Sounds like you should be happy she doesn't want to be a part of your baby's life as much. I wouldn't want her around my child. We have the opposite- a crazy MIL who lives down the road and is always, always in our business so, be grateful!

Answer 2

You are expecting waaayyyyyyy too much, sweetie.  Most parents don't help with grand kids... not their problem.

as my mom said, "I raised mine, I am now free to travel, go places and do with my time what I want.   You, raise yours."

And I agree with her.

I'm happy she's out having a ball, and I expect nothing from her.  I never ask.  she offers.

So, hon, off the high horse.....   They are YOUR kids... raise them yourselves.

Answer 3

"My husband is the product of a first failed marriage and the other grandkids are from 2 sons on her current marriage."

Herein lies your problem. I am guessing the MIL is the true Birth mother of your husband. She carries resentment forward from her previous marriage towards your husband. In her eyes, her first husband was not fit to be a husband, thus any of his offspring, is not fit to be a son. I am afraid that is going to carry on down the line through your daughter, and any kids she may have.

Cut her out - completely. Fight fire with fire. They say two wrongs don't make a right, in this circumstance though, she is being very unfair, and needs to see what it feels like. YOU NEED TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND SEE THIS TOO!!

Laydren - you are COMPLETELY off track. Go back and read the question.

Answer 4

Here's how I feel.  I'm also in a marriage where my MIL is from h**l.  It SUCKS.  She's horribly mean and disrespectful to myself and my husband.. will yell, curse, degrade, and play guilt trips in order to get her way with things.  We stand our ground with her, but still we get **** on mentally.  Our son is 8 so I'm not too worried because he can handle himself, but she is AWFUL with kids and thinks she's a Godsend.  I never want to see or speak to her again either.. but here's the realization I've recently come to and I hope it helps you.

Regardless of what she says and does, she is his mother, and he loves her.  Granted, he does need to do what's right for his family (you, and your children) but he also loves his mother and wants her in his life.  That needs to be respected.  

I toyed around with the idea for awhile of just ME not seeing or speaking with her, and having my husband visit with our son without me.  Then I realized what kind of a rift that would put on our marriage.  My husband would feel guilty going without me because we weren't being a family, and I would eventually (even though I wouldn't want to feel this way) become frustrated and feel like he was choosing her over me.

So, I decided this.  I need to deal with it, bottom line.  Here are some things you shouldn't compromise.  If you're not comfortable leaving your child with her if you're not there, then don't.  That's YOUR child, not hers, and YOU control what happens with her.  Period.  Tell her you're uncomfortable.  If you can't, then make up a lie.  Do what makes you comfortable though.

As far as conversing with her, I try to do it only when necessary.  I don't need to be her best friend, even though she wants me to be (when she's getting her way, that is.)  I can't handle much more of her than once a month.  That's how often I'll see her.  If she calls, I'll keep it short and sweet.  No need to do the whole chit-chat girlfriend thing, especially because I would just be being fake, which is stressful to me and just plain rude in my opinion.

If I were you, I'd deal with MIL from h**l ( :) ) only when necessary.  Learn to deal with her and accept her as family whether or not you like it, but don't go over the top.  You need to be cordial and respectful, but you don't need to be her friend.

I hope this helps, really.  And I feel your pain. :|

Good luck.

Answer 5

well, my daughter is the 18th grandchild of 19 and she's only 4 months, my MIL's other daughter had a baby girl 6 weeks after me and I know how you feel, but I don't think my situation is quite as bad. Is your mother or father around? Do you have someone else in your life that would love your baby like a grandma or a close family member? My MIL won't even hold my baby, but doens't mind traveling 8 hours to see her daughters baby and her other 3 children. I know it sucks, but the only one who can deal with it is you and if you feel that strongly about it either talk to her personally or just let it go and find someone else who you're close with to be the "grandma" she won't have. I got lucky though, because even though my MIL doesn't care too much for our daughter my FIL loves all of his grandkids equally and she's the first grandchild in my family so my mom and step dad adore her. I hope you can find a solution to your problem and good luck with your baby girl.