Mother problems need help?

Question

trying to make this story short_I will get to the point.

My husband and I sat down with my mother and told her that since we was going to be watching our son for the week off of school, that we would like for to call us when she was going to go somewhere with him. In case of an emergancy, we would have the last known location of where they would/could be. (There has been problems with my mom before in the department of letting go since I am an only child_and her not listening to things that my husband and I have talked to her about before) Anyways, she ends up going to another place after the one that she had told us about, she didn't say anything until she was on her way back from the 2nd place that she never spoke to us about going to until after the fact. And she was late getting back, when we have talkd to her before about getting back when we get home from work so that way we can spend some time with our son as well.

She didn't feel that it was a problem, and felt that calling after the fact was enough. She felt that anything along the way back from the original destination was a package deal, so instead of calling us and letting us know and communicating things to us, she went and did her own thing.

I had a long talk with her again, knowing that she was not getting my point, I had to lay down the law. I am his mother and if his parents say something I feel that it should be followed and respected, because he is our responsibility.

I feel like she still does not look at us as adults or parents and does not take us seriously. I have been through so much with her. She is a great grandmother and for that and the fact that my son loves her, I do not want to take him away from her. But, at the same time how can I trust her to follow through with things that we have asked of her to do or follow if she has already broken our trust. I am at the point that I don't ever want to see her again.

What is the point that a parent knows that they cannot leave their child with the grandparents?

What is the point that a grown woman breaks away from her mother and calls it quits all together?

Does this ever happen or do you always work at because she is your mother?

I am confused, hurt, stressed, and worried about having a miscarriage with dealing with all of these situations with her, especially when she doesn't understand, or wants to try to understand!

Please help!

Answer 1

You probably won't want to hear this, but to me it sounds like the real issue is that you are over-controlling, and don't feel she's respecting your wishes.  

Obviously you want your kid to spend time with their grandmother.  Do you "call it quits" with every relationship that doesn't go 100% your way?  Is it always "your way or no way?"  If you don't trust your mother, then why do you let her watch your child?  These are some real fundamental questions you need to be asking yourself.  

If she isn't harming your child, then you need to relinquish a little and not be so overbearing and controlling.  I understand that it's easier said than done, though, especially if it's your first child.  Also, the only person causing you the worry, is you.  Sounds like your parameters are way too stringent.  She has to call you to let you know every little place she takes your child?  Seriously?  Give me a break!  Doesn't she have a cell phone that you can call her on since you're so dang worried?  Does she have to let you know before she needs to use the bathroom too?

Lighten up a little ... she obviously has experience in raising children since she raised you.  If anything, she should be the one confused, hurt and stressed.

Whether you realize it or not, by you being so controlling and overbearing with your mom, that is putting a strain on her relationship with your child.  Children can and almost always do pick up on the tension between adults.  So do the right thing for your child and let him enjoy his time with his grandmother without such controlling parameters.

To your question, "what is the point that a parent knows that they cannot leave their child with the grandparents?"  My answer is when the child is being abused, or when the grandparents are not physically capable of caring for the child.

To your question, "what is the point that a grown woman breaks away from her mother and calls it quits all together?"  I guess that depends on the individual person and the particular situation.  But in my opinion it would have to be something extremely serious or a life or death situation.

To your question, "does this ever happen or do you always work at because she is your mother?"  Did your mother "call it quits" on you every time you didn't do what she wanted?  Are you going to "call it quits" on your child if he doesn't do every little thing exactly the way you want him to?  What about your husband ... are you going to "call it quits" on him too?  My answer is that I would always work at the relationship with my mother, but first I have to work on my relationship with myself and ask myself what I'm doing to contribute to a particular situation.  If I want a better outcome, I need to change my behavior.  When I change my behavior in a positive way, I get a changed response in a positive way.

So take responsibility for your part in this situation and change your actions in order to get a changed reaction.

Answer 2

Wow....your mom is a grown woman and you trust her right?......be glad she helps you out...what a drag it would be if your husband demanded to know your every move all day long...set a time to get your son back and be glad he has family that loves him.....what is with all the control?......dont you think your mom will take good care of him?

I have 3 kids and if they I was watching their kids and they acted like i was an employee not doing my job when it came to their kids...i would have them hire a sitter!......your mom loves you ....Call it quits?...what a nice kid you turned out to be......you should be ashamed....ask your mom to have him home after you get home...or better yet...you go get him from her...but to p**p on your mom when she is good to your son is really sad.......