Mothers Death and 11 Year Old?

Question

My family has been hit hard lately. My aunt has had a some type of brain cancer that has spread everywhere and has been given 1-3 months left to live. Although, her only child (11 year old boy) knows that "his mommy is sick and goes to the doctor often to make her well" he has no idea that it is that serious and that she is going to die. To make matters worse his father basically committed suicide just a year ago. He suffered from MAJOR depression and just stopped treatment and eating, drinking, even though he has a supportive family. My cousin is an only child and has no idea he is going to be an orphan by summertime. When I think about this I cry, not only for my aunt but because of my cousin. I kind of think that he should be told that his mother is dying because it would better prepare him for this devastation. His mother and other family wants to protect him for as long as possible. What do others think? Do you think this child should be told the truth?

Answer 1

YES! and something should be done so he doesn't BECOME an orphan!

Answer 2

That's a hard one i think no cause he should just be left to enjoy the time they have together with out him wondering everyday if this is the day shes going to die it will be the worst thing he'll go thru when it happens but at least it wont be so sad before it happens its also the mothers decision if she doesn't want him to no then that's her choice not anyone Else's

Answer 3

Wow...this is just terrible. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I do think that he should be told, but I also think that what his mother wants, matters. It is really up to her whether or not he knows now or later...and nobody else's choice. I definitely feel for the young boy though. He's going to have it very rough and it's a good thing that he's got wonderful, loving relatives like you who will be there to support him when he needs it.

Answer 4

if he is 11 years old then he has more than likely figured out himself that there is more going on than what he is being told. i know that his mother just wants to protect him from this but he is still a child and will be thinking up worse things happening. i know that you mother dieing is really bad but he could also be thinking that he will just be left there by himself and end up going in to foster care. your family needs to sit him down and explain whats going on to him have him understand that he is going to be with family, explain it to him in a way that he will understand, do not use an adult vocabulary with him

Answer 5

OUCH! I find it hard but do know one thing.  When she was 4 and my dad and me split up she said....'Can someone tell me the truth'!  Tell them the truth in their own way and give them some sense of  doing what they need to do!

Answer 6

I Tink he schould be told the truth . Unless you schould wait maybe a few more days . Or maybe u never no a mircle can happen.You just gotta wait and see...

Answer 7

The child needs support. tell him everythingh NOW and asure him that you all are with him.

Answer 8

I have tears in my eyes from hearing your story.. is there someone that is going to take this little boy?  someone needs to step  up and  have plans to take this little boy... I wouldn't tell him the truth right now.. he will be devastated... he needs to  have someone to talk to  and be able to deal with this... I will pray for your family...

Answer 9

My mom died when I was ten of cancer

My husband and brother died sudden seven months a part

My brother left an eight year old daughter(the same age he was when my mom died.  Also, my mom died on the last day of school, my brother died on his daughter last day of school)

I knew my mom was going to dye before I was told

I remember crying myself to sleep.  I could not let anyone know that I figure it out.  It was wrong

He need to be told, soon.  It's up to his mother

I am sorry for him, that's awful

Do you know where he will end up after her death?

If you, you can may all the difference

He needs to see someone before and after her death

You are right, he needs to know

Answer 10

As hard as it is, he has the right to know.  Stop lying to him the doctors aren't able to make it better any more.  Contact your local Hospice organization they often have support groups and counselors that can help children come to terms with loss.  

Eventually he will find out that everyone else knew his mother was dying and kept it from him.  He will be very angry.  Tell him soon.!!!!

Answer 11

try to go to court and get custody and just pray.

Answer 12

My stepson lost his mom when he was 10 and they didn't hide what was going on from him.  Being honest with him is not only fair but you would probably be saving him from his own guessing.  Thing are probably worse in his mind.  Support him and make sure he talks to someone.  It is going to be very difficult for him.  Good luck.

Answer 13

you NEED to tell him now what is really going on and then you need to find a way to make sure he doesnt go to a childrens home or an orphanage

Answer 14

He does need to be told the truth. He is old enough to understand. He needs to know to enjoy every minute with his mom. And he needs to know what to expect, so it isn't so sudden and shocking. And so he doesn't feel angry that no one told him. One suggestion... Have your aunt and him make lots of home movies, just being silly and stuff. Also have her do one by herself talking about how much she loves him and will be looking out for him.. Something that he can watch everyday to help him thru and to see her and hear her regularly. I think that would be nice. ]

But YES I do think he should know.. Poor child!!

Answer 15

Keeping him in the dark will only make it worse.  my sister in law died of skin cancer 5 years ago and left behind a 2 boys 18-20 and a daughter in the 5th grade.  although her dad was still alive it was very devastating for her.  she knew her mom was sick and might not make it and was included in everything from the beginning.  i dont think it is fair to him to keep him in the dark.  make him aware and let him spend as much time with her as possible making memories.  good luck and may she not suffer

Answer 16

That is SO awful.  I don't know that telling him sooner would help --- he will hurt that much sooner i think.  is there any hope at all for this woman?  you sound so sure she will die...is there any way you can try to have hope?  hope and faith can be very powerful.  I don't know any advice to give you, just to let you know how sad that is and that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.