Mothers Group Dilemma- Baby not being properly cared for?

Question

I am in a mothers group, we all get along very well. We are a bit worried about one of the mothers though- especially her son.

He is still breastfed at 13 months old- not a bad thing except that she does not feed him much else except for peices of fruit and vegetables. She is obsessed with her child not being obese and often makes comments about the size of our boys. He is a sickly looking baby, very small and light for his age. The other day she turned up and gave him a snack of sliced up onion.He is always underdressed, and with it being winter he always looks blue.

She turned up to 1 of the other mothers place at 5:30am with the police after a domestic with her husband. She has done this before. But, she left the baby with her partner, who was drunk and passed out @ home.

She also has an ongoing court case. With so much going on we don't think she is coping looking after her son & he is suffering. What should I do? we r supposed 2 b her friends but r worried.

Answer 1

I've found that 1 voice is generally not enough...

you need to get several mothers from the group to call the department for child protection (DCP) and make a report, seperately!

here are links to some of the the websites (not sure what state you're in)

http://www.community.wa.gov.au/DCP/

http://www.childsafety.qld.gov.au/

http://www.community.nsw.gov.au/DOCS/HOM...

if you're not in one of these states, look it up in the whitepages...

DCP only want the best for this family that is stuggling, the best thing is for them to step in and help this woman out!

Answer 2

If you know she is overwhelmed why don't you as a mother's group support her.

Ask to take him over the weekend.

Pass down hand me downs (you said he is smaller than other children).

And talk to her about your concerns (individually and if that doesn't work as a group) before you take other actions.

Answer 3

Obviously she is going through a LOT right now so whatever you do, make it in her best interests as well as the baby's.  Her situation won't last forever - she will get away from this man eventually and probably needs a great deal of support and encouragement for that.  If you are really concerned for this baby, that separation has got to be your priority because the health and safety of the mother is fundamental to the care of the child.  I don't know how involved you all want to be, but you might be able to help her with finding somewhere to live, government benefits she might get, or a refuge centre she can go to - all that type of stuff.  

At the same time, you could also offer to sit her son here and there - she is obvisouly under an incredible amount of stress and could probably really use an hour or 2 to get her own life in order.  Perhaps 2 or 3 of you could meet outside the group to let her get visiting government/women's support offices etc.  While he'd be in your care, you could feed him.  Also you might want to bunch together and put a little kitty together and buy him appropriate clothes form a Sally Army clothes shop etc.  or ask in your own families/churches etc for clothes for the little boy.  

Finally I would suggest making the group into a constructive vehicle - get a midwife/health visitor to come visit and talk about nutrition and easily made baby meals, weaning issues, the iron & vitamins from real foods - or similarly you could all put a £ or $ in  a kitty and buy her a hand held blender (they cost £15 in UK so I'm sure they are really cheap where you are too).  This would allow her to blend anythign she makes for herself for her son in an instant.

Basically my point is - you say you're her friends, so be her friend, without criticism/judgement and in sincerity.  I know it can be shocking how far down people can go when they are in a messy situation at home, but I suspect this poor women is totally ashamed and Very desperate if she's showing up at people's doors at 5.30am.  She's obvisouly crying out for help and if a group of accomplished, achieved mothers as women can't help her, no one can.  What a great opportunity you have in your small little group to help another human beings life in a permanent and deep way.  I feel so bad for her and wish you all well.

EDIT: yes, if you have not tried any of the things I've suggested - even just passing on helpful information to her - then you are wrong to try to have her prosecuted for negligence.  It's a cop out, and a shame.

Answer 4

I don't know what your system is there, but do you have health visitors? Is it possible that you have the same one as her, or that someone in your group does?

If so, I would speak to her and say you're worried about both mum and baby. I did this once with a young mum whose daughter was in danger of being asked not to come to toddler group any more because she was violent and bit the other kids. The mum wasn't doing anything wrong - she just needed a bit more support and either didn't know she could ask for it or was embarrassed to do so.

Answer 5

I would call cps. You can make a report and never give them your name. They check out ever report made. I understand she is a friend but babies are much more important then any friendship will ever be. Adults are spost to be able to take care of their selves. Babies can't in any way and depend on a adult. If she is "unstable" sort of speak and her life is dealing her a bad hand it would be much better for that baby to be somewhere else. In a stable home where is has plenty of food and doesn't haft to worry about fights or drunks.

Answer 6

I never understood those who dont want their babies to be fat.  Babies are supposed to have fat on them.  And for her to leave her child with her drunk parnter is just wrong.  I would call CPS on her.  Once this child hits school, the teachers would prob do the same thing if they saw how he did not eat, or dress in the winter.