Mothers and their sons....along comes the wife?

Question

I know alot of women (including me) who have issues with their MIL's (mother in law's)

I was chatting to my good friend about the link between, the mums and sons and when the girl friend or wife comes along.

She thought that their is this bond and when the wife comes along she wife takes their son away.

whats your opinion?

Has anyone got any sugestions on how to improve a relationship with your MIL?

Also i found the relationship changed alot once i had a baby, is your experence the same?

Answer 1

i think a mother thinks no body is good enough for there son, and that he cant love her as much if he loves you. my mil saw how much i loved my hubby when he got deployed. we also make a point to go visit her together so that she doesnt feel neglected. i agree with the baby thing too because my mil appreciates me more now i think because we made her a beautiful grand baby. i think a way to get a closer relationship is make her feel needed or included. ask her to help you with a scrapbook that way she feels important and it helps you out and you get to chat and laugh at some photos together,

Answer 2

I think my hubby and I have been very lucky - both our families live in different states to where we live, so we're not all in each others' pockets all the time. It means that when we do see the respective in-laws we all get along well.

that said, I think because we were both over 30 when we met, then married, we'd lived away from home for long enough that our parents (mothers) had got over that initial separation anxiety :-)

I'd have to say though, that now I have a toddler and another on the way, I'm missing having relatives nearby... but not SO much that I'd invite my MIL to come and stay for an extended period! The friendship is stronger because we don't spend so much time together.

Answer 3

I actually got along with my first MIL she treated me like a daughter but when I divorced her son I ended up remarried and my next MIL was a nightmare.  She treated me like c**p.  I think it is because I married her first born son, the one she would use as a babysitter to watch the other kids (called him off school all the time to babysit and just told the school he was sick) and she just tried to control him.  I came along and I think she was afraid she had lost control of him so she hated me for that.  I pray that I won't be that bad when my boys get a girlfriend/wife.  

Answer 4

Not really for me.  My mother in law is nice enough but we're hardly close.  We're cordial at family events/dinners, but she doesn't go out of her way to contact me nor do I do the same.  I used to back when we were first married, but I've come to realize that my husband's family is just not close like mine is.  It's bizarre.  His parents are more close with his sister than him.

Answer 5

My situation is quite the opposite.  I LOVE my future MIL.  My fiance and I have been together for four years, and his mom and I get along famously.

She's told me on several occasions that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, so that may help.

We live in the same town as her, so we see her a lot.  She also watches our sons when we need her to.  Heck, before the new baby came, she'd come and get our oldest just because she wanted to see him.

She's not perfect, but I get along with her!  

Answer 6

my mil loves me like the daughter she never had cause she had 5 boys and my hubby is her baby so there is so resentment for that and her other dil are just a pain her oldest sons wife is a money hungry pill popping thief the next one downs first wife was the same and the second one is no better and the next son's wife left him for another women after being together since high school and than the next son unfortunately past away as a kid and than there is my hubby and by all means i am nothing like them because i have been with him trough thick and thin for the past 8 years and i love him dearly and she was always there trough the pregnancy but now she is hardly around and complains about but she has a car and only lives 45 mins away we on the other hand only have on car and he has to work so that leaves me at home with baby but it is like pulling teeth to get her to come our way and see him so we have given up on it

Answer 7

In my house.. my husband frequently puts his mother first. It really bugs me..but part of the reason I fell in love with him is I saw what good care he took of his parents.  Maybe she feels differently..but I don't feel like I've taken her son away.. quite the opposite!

Answer 8

Iwas also in the same situation with my MIL but I soon found out that with a little time she came to accept that her son is no longer the boy she knew. He has his own life now. There will always be a bond between mother and son that no one can break BUT there is also one between spouses that cannot be compared. Give your MIL time she'll come around. She will soon come to realize that her son will always be her son but he's now someone's husband. The Bible says that a man shall leave his mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall be one.

Answer 9

For some reason there is a special bond between mothers and sons.  Yep, the mom believes their sons are gone.  I think it's because the mom knows what women can be like.  You are just going to have to prove yourself.  She'll come around.

Answer 10

Well, I guess you can look at this from two points of view.....from your point of view towards  your mother in law, or from the point of view if you WERE a mother in law.  i don't get along with my MIL because she is literally a crack w***e.  Enough said there.  But I know that when my boy, who is only 4 right now, decides that he wants to get married, I can see myself feeling like his wife is taking him away from me.  I can also see myself not thinking that anyone he dates is good enough for him.  Maybe it is a natural mother and son bond?