Mothers cry for help?

Question

i have four daughters the oldest is seven and youngest two. i just recently got my children back from dhs (my mom called on me and they took my children cause we lived in a 1 bed apt all i could afford at the time) anyway my aunt was helping my mom at the time. but i have forgave my aunt but not my mother. my 7yr old loves my aunt to death and she has a major problem with me (she is bad at my house but good for her) we do alot of things togethe but she still wants to live with her aunt and not me. i lovee her to much to let her go am i neing selfish should i let her go if she is more happy there? i just got her back after 7 months now i have to let her go again? i let her stay for the week ends and stuff but she wants forever.... she is my child im the mom but i feel like she is just going to be rebelous if i dont let her go. she doesnt listen at all. plz someone help asap

Answer 1

Are you sure she's not really hurt by what she sees as your abandonment of her?  You were gone for a long time, and 7 is way too young to understand all the complexities of adulthood.  She could be partly testing you to see how much you're willing to fight for her.

You owe it to her to try to be the best mom you can be.  She has the right to be angry at you, but she must also respect you.  You better earn that respect though.  Let her get her anger out.  Listen, really listen to her.  Make sure she still gets to spend plenty of time w/ your aunt.  She sounds like she could be your biggest ally.  Good Luck

Answer 2

Ask your daughter why she does not want to live with you and if it is because of somehting that you can stop doing then stop doing that. I would let her because I would want to make her happy. I hope this helped.

-Tara

Answer 3

She will always be your daughter, I do understand how you feel, it happen to me many years ago. My son wanted to live with my mother and father. I did not let him! I was selfish, I wanted him with me. ( I was 19 and a single mother), Now, many years later, in hindsight, I should have let my mother  and father  raise him.  My mother was 39 and father 44 when my beautiful son was born.They had more experience, they raised 5 children and we all made a good life for ourselves. Mom and Dad would have made better parents to him than I did. He is now 40 years old, he is a drug addict, he has hepatitis C and he will die before me. My gut feeling at the time was keep him with me no matter what. Now, I think I made the wrong decision. Let your daughter go but also let her know she can come home to you  at any time.

Answer 4

She is your daughter... letting her go live with her aunt is going to set you up for failure. She will think the aunt is in charge and not you. So when it comes to things you do not want your daughter doing... she is going to ask the aunt instead of you. You need to be a constant in her life if you want to have a bond with her. It doesn't matter if she is more happier living with her aunt, that does not mean that is what is best for her. I would have prefered to live with my aunts and uncles rather then my parents.. well mostly had a problem with my dad... but my parents said no and kept me there. I was allowed to visit for summer vacation and on breaks sometimes, but not for major ones since they lived states away. You need to talk to your daughter and let her know who is boss.... you are... and that she needs to respect you and live with you. If she does not want this, then start restricting her visits to her aunt. Maybe the aunt is getting your daughter to try and live with her without your knowledge. You need to find out the details and explain to both of them.

Answer 5

She is the child. You are the parent. It's a very big mistake when parent's let their children make adult decisions....

Saying that, be firm with her, but also very loving. She has been away for 7 months, it's only natural she now 'likes the aunt better'. She's a child and doesn't have the maturity to know better.

You sound like you love your children very much. Keep her with you and she will come around evntually. Some councelling for the family would be a really good idea too.

:-)