Mothers of adopted children ONLY, just curious?

Question

i thought that in order to better understand each other, maybe this would be a good chance to answer a question without feeling like you're on the defense.

1. what is it you want to get from this sight?

2. what is your adoption story?

3. what are information are you trying to acquire?

4. what have you learned?

thanks, best wishes.

Answer 1

Wow these aren't easy questions!! I'll do my best.

1. what is it you want to get from this sight?

I'd like to share my experiences and knowledge with others about ethical adoptions and being an adoptee to help aparents make more informed decisions regarding their adoptions and children. I want to be a source of support to fellow adoptive parents without being all sunshine and flowers about it. I want to share my experience with adopting an older child and a toddler from an orphanage also.

2. what is your adoption story?

I am an adoptee-lite (adopted by my paternal grandparents) and the mother of 5 including 3 bio kids and 2 internationally adopted children. My daughter was adopted summer of 06 at the age of 2 1/2 and my son was adopted this past august at the age of 8 1/2. Both are from China and both are special needs.

3. what are information are you trying to acquire?

How to better help the adopted children of today and the future, what we can do to help orphans, how to reduce the number of unnecessary adoptions, and how to be a better parent to my children

4. what have you learned?

That though there are aparents out there who would rather attack and dismiss rather than listen and learn, there are some really great aparents and PAPs out there who do have their kids best interests at heart. I've learned alot of what I said in the answer to #3 from them, and the adult adoptees also!

Answer 2

1. What is it you want to get from this sight?

I want to learn from others and share my experience and hope others can learn from me as well

2.  What is your adoption story?

We adopted our daughter from Taiwan in September, 2006.  She'll be 2 in a couple of weeks!  Wow, when I think back to when we first started the adoption process.  How much I've leaned!

3. What are information are you trying to acquire?

I don't know that I'm trying to acquire specific information, just continue to learn from others experiences.

4. What have you learned?

I've learned a lot about the complex and varied experiences of adoptees and first parents.

Answer 3

I guess I'd like to dispel myths about adoption thru this site. I answer questions in the hope that I can help people who have limited experience with adoption to know more about it. I believe that people who have more info on adoption will be less biased against it.

My adoption story is that most of my cousins were adopted, so I always knew a lot about adoption growing up. Now, as an adult, I've adopted both my kids (from China). They are in elementary and middle school.

I'm married and straight, but I have lots of g*y and L*****n friends, and I would hope that I can dispel some myths about same s*x couples as parents. I know may same s*x couples who are wonderful parents.

I'd like to learn more about how adult adoptees feel, especially the ones adopted internationally and/or transracially. I know how my cousins feel (they are all adults, and parents themselves now.) But I'd like to hear about how other adoptees feel.

Answer 4

1. Insite. There are things we have gone through that was never discusses it our classes. It's nice that there are other that feel like I do. It's also to get some validation for the things I am doing right and encouragement when things are rough and ability to lend support to someone facing tough times.

Although I am an adoptive mom, I feel that there are many unneeded adoptions. I feel women need to be better informed and supported, BUT I  DO think PAP's truely want to just give a needy baby some love and AGENCIES BANK ON THAT.

2. While working I ran into someone I knew years ago, I told her about how I had a molar pregnancy, miscarriage, and almost died when giving birth to me daughter. I told her I would like to adopt someday, but wasn't starting the process for a few years. a week later she told me that her daughter was VERY pregnant and considering a late-term abortion. She said that she'd like to meet us if we were up for it. We met and he was born 2 months later. I wasn't expecting to be SOOOOO incredibly sad for her lose. I was physicaly ill for weeks. I had to make sure that it was truely what she wanted before we moved forward (a total of 18 months). He was very sick and drug exposed and likey would have been placed in foster care otherwise. He is now healthier.

3.Justs what ever I can to make me a better mom.

4. There are people from all spectrums of the adoption realm. there are extremist on both sides. There are ones who thinks adoption is the worst thing that can EVER happen to a child even worse than abuse and abotrion and if a person says that are happy, they must be lying.

There are some who think that adoption is always happy and should be a service provided to people looking to be parents not a service to children in need of a home.

Answer 5

1.  i was hoping to be able to learn about different perspectives of adoption.  read about adoptees, prospective adoptive parents, biological mothers, etc...

2.  knew hubby and i would have fertility problems.  went through years of fertility treatments that resulted in miscarriages and severe financial hardships and took their emotional toll.  we finally decided to choose wether we wanted to be pregnant or parents and we choose parents and never looked back.  the story of the adoption of our daughter is very long and too long for here.  but it is one where so many things had to happen in order for our child to end up placed in our arms and fully believe that with so many things that lead us to find her other mother that she is meant to be in our arms.

3.  same as question #1

4.  the same as with life.  there are 2 sides to everything with a whole bunch in the middle.  some people only see in black and white.  and i'm happy to see in gray and hope to teach my daughter the gray areas of life as well as standing up for areas she sees in only black and white.  but i also think this site has been disheartening with so many people so quick to judge and assume.  there is no right or wrong answer to any question on here that deal with adoption.  each adoption has it's own set of circumstances and feelings involved from individuals that no one else can ever understand.  i think people need to better respect that.  if you're stating your opinion state it as such and not as fact.  

the fact that you are asking what is supposed to be a question people can answer and not feel on the defensive is great.  the fact that people are still giving them thumbs down for how they feel and being honest is what's wrong with this site, at least for this type of question.  if someone is answering honestly and how they feel and not stating anything more than what has been asked on this question i cannot see a reason to give a thumbs down.  i think that is what keeps so many people away from answering and possibly giving advice is the fact that so many people refuse to look at anothers feelings and take into consideration that different circumstances, although some are very similiar, is what has brought us to this site.  just my opinion though.

Answer 6

1) A better understanding so that I can answer my son's questions as he gets older as well as the opportunity to share my experiences with others who might be able to benefit from the information.

2) We adopted a wonderful son 4 years ago from his biological grandparents.  I could go into so much more detail, but I think all of my past answers to questions probably cover it.  : )

3) Knowledge so that I will better understand my son's needs as he gets older.

4) I've learned that people are a lot less tolerant than I expected them to be of other's opinions, but in the same respect, there are some wonderful people on here who are able to express themselves in a constructive and respective  way.

Answer 7

Good questions!

1) When I first started coming here, I just wanted to help others who had questions about foster-adoption. I didn't expect to gain anything, but I have. So much.

2) My story is that I adopted my son from foster care when he was 2-1/2. That was more than four years ago. Do you want more detail or did you just want to know why I come on this forum?  :)

3) After reading posts from people like Gershom, Andraya, Heather H, A Healing Adoptee, and Sunny, I am interested in finding out more about adoption reform. I had no idea that birth mothers are sometimes coerced into placing their babies for adoption and I think that's awful. I had a bad experience when my (now ex-) husband and I started our adoption process with a private agency and that's why we ended up going through the county and foster-adopt. I don't think foster-adopt is perfect by ANY stretch of the imagination and could use some reform as well.

4) I pretty much answered this as part of question 3.

Aloha  :)