Mothers of children with multiple fathers.....

Question

Do you worry about the example you are setting (especially for those with daughters)? Do you worry that you are minimizing the role of having the father of your children living in the same home with them? Also, in my experience, the fathers of these children are often spoken ill of. Do you worry that your children will see all men as incapable of being a lifelong partner?

Answer 1

I have no daughters, all sons, so that part is out. I have 3 sons by different fathers but the circumstances are this-my 11 year olds father kicked me out when our son was 10 months old. He was then and is now more interested in drugs than his son and hasn't seen him in 8 years.My middle sons father and I were together for over 7 years, 2 years before we had him.  He and I split mutually. My youngests father and I are married.

I never have and never will speak ill of the fathers of my children, no matter how tempting it may be. My eldest knows why his father isnt in the picture and I have been totally honest with him but when he asked me if I hated his dad I said no, because he gave me a wonderful son. Which is the truth. Hating him and hating what he has done are 2 entirely different things. My middle sons father is a superstar-he and i are still very good friends and he was even invited to my wedding (he couldnt make it but came to the reception). He even gangs up against me with my husband LOL!

I think mothers with children from different fathers can be unfairly judged and called some horrible things. Sometimes relationships just don't work out, it's sad and can be really hard when a child is involved. My husband has a daughter who he hasn't seen is a long time-I have never even met her. Her mother seems to think that seeing her father with someone else is bad for her so obviously thinks not having a dad is better...Balls to that.

No matter how a relationship ends, whether good or bad, if there are children involved then they need to come first. Keep all the bitching and griping until the kids are away or asleep and think about the fact that you once got along well enough to produce a miracle.

End ramble...lol

Answer 2

I have one daughter who has her own father and 2 sons who share a father.  The father of my boys, though we are no longer a couple, still treats my daughter as though she is his own.  He came into her life when she was one and now she is soon to be 10 and when he does something for one child he does the same for them all.  So I feel very blessed to have met him because not many men take care of another mans children.

I explain to my children why me and their father are not together and they understand because me and him still have a good functional relationship.  We are civil and understand and respect eachothers personal lives.

I never speak bad about my childrens father.  He does his best.  And although I cant stand to hear my daughter say her bio dads name, I never say anything bad or make faces or give her any type of impression that I dislike him.  She knows that I am upset with him because he doesnt take care of her and thats it.  I leave all my negative thoughts in my head.  I just remind her of how she is the lucky one because her brothers dad fell in love with her and treats her well.  She calls him Daddy and her real father Daddy Drew.  Drew hates that, but its his own fault.  She chose to do that, I never even wanted her to call my ex dad, but he thought it was nice and welcome it.  However from the start she knew who her real dad was and I never lied to her.  She can call or see him whenever she wants, but she chooses not to.  I always told myself that when she is older she will realize what type a man he is and she has, with no influence from me.

I think that this will give her encourage her to be married before she has children. I always talk to her about what I went through and she understands how much better it is to have someone help you.

Answer 3

I don't think it's anything wrong with it, I just think it's not a good idea to talk bad about a child's father.  If you have a problem with the father, it's best to keep it between the adults.

just my opinion..

Answer 4

it depends on the situation i have 2 children with different daddies my first childs daddy was abusive so we divorced and found someone else 2 years later he accepted my first child like she was his own and now we have another beautiful daughter and we have been together for almost 3 years now .and i will be totally honest with them about everything