Mothers of mixed race-babies: distant from baby?

Question

I am 23 and would love to have a baby some time next year (I know now is not the right moment, although I wish it were!!). I'm white and my boyfriend is Asian. I find questions of race very interesting, and I wouldn't say I have any hang-ups about race. However, when I think of the fact that my baby will look so different to me, and that people may think that my child is not mine, but (for example) my best friend's (her parents are from Pakistan)... it bothers me a little...

In real life, with baby in arms, what experiences have mothers / fathers had? Is this a feeling that will disappear when you actually 'meet' your baby?

What are your experiences?

Thanks!

Answer 1

Don't have experience but even with a man of your race, your baby can still not look like you.

Not really fair to the man you are with, that would be like not marrying him because his last name wouldn't sound nice with your name.

Answer 2

i never really thought about it. i don't think i have had anyone ask if she is mine, in the 2yrs she has been on this earth. i never felt distant from my baby and i never felt like people wondered if she was mine, and i don't really care what other people think and yes there may be someone that will ask or wonder, but who cares. people who have kids of the same race as them can have kids that people don't think are theirs or whatever. my daughter is a beautiful little brown skinned, brown eyes, light brown CURLY haired little girl. me on the other hand I'm as pale as can be, blue/green eyes, blond/brown straight haired mama, and never have felt like i didn't look like her mom or that i didn't feel like her mom, that's my baby

Answer 3

let me put it this way...a mother's love for her baby knows no boundaries.

Answer 4

I am white and my husband is black.  We have two beautiful children together and they both have a gorgeous skin color.  If you look just at their faces, they both look just like their daddy - you really can't tell by looking at their faces that they are mine.  I have been asked several times if my daughter was mine.  I have also been asked a few times if their father was black.  But the race of the parents shouldn't bother you, and it's really no one else's business.  There is nothing like a mother's love for her children and I have never felt distant from either of my children - they're my babies!!

And on a lighter note, I think mixed-race couples make the most beautiful children.

Good luck sweetie!

Answer 5

My daughter is 1/2 white, 1/2 Lakota.  She looks like me, but even if she had turned out looking more like her father, I wouldn't love her any less.

Answer 6

My husband's parents had this problem. They are Hispanic, with dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin, etc... But, due to a recessive trait (of which I'm very familiar being a Biologist), my husband and her sister have bright red hair, pale skin and freckles (his sister even has blue eyes). They look nothing like their parents at all.

So, to answer your question, they have no different a relationship than any other happy family. Those are their kids, 100%. And, while they have had to field such silly questions over the years such as, "Are they adopted? Are you the father (my father-in law's favorite)? Different mother? Do they dye their hair?," they just smile at each other now. What are they gonna do? Punch people in the face because of their curiosity? Now they just send them my way when they start asking questions.

"Go ask Dolyn, she'll bore you with the genetic details."

Answer 7

i don't know if you've seen the show jon and kate plus 8 but he's 1/4 korean and the kids do look asian (asian is a very strong gene) but she doesn't care. she carried them and gave birth to them, she loves them all the same. and you will too!

Answer 8

After carrying and delivering the baby for 9 months, you'll love it, no matter what race it is...

Answer 9

Mixed couples are very common now, don't worry about that! I'm white and my husband is of indian/greek parentage, our little girl is gorgeous! You'll love your baby no matter what.....

Answer 10

My Brother in-law is married to a white woman and they have 4 beautiful children. 3 girls and 1 boy. Each child looks like both parents, one more than the other but you can tell that they are the parents of these children.

Don't let glares and mean looks distract you. When you have your child in arms you wouldn't care what others think because you are too busy loving and adoring your child. Whatever mixed feelings you have it will disappear and you will feel at ease when you have a baby.

Answer 11

This is rubbish.  My partner's cousin has 5 mixed race children and she is extremely close to all of them. It will still be your baby whatever colour skin it has and you will love it.  Don't worry - when people see you with your child they will know straight away that you are its mother just by the way you act.

Answer 12

my son is black and white, and he looks latino.  i'm sure it's weird when my fiance goes out w/ him because they look different and in the begining, when my son was very very white looking, it was weird. but when i hold him in my arm and kiss him, it feel great. i completely forgot aobut all that race talk. it's just my fiance and i, and our baby boy. we dont care what people think and i love my son more than life itself.