Mothers please answer?

Question

I don't care if your 17 or 52 answer this......when you hear a 20 year old say she wants a career and never wants kids ever in her life do you get offended? Do you think she's selfish? Because I never want kids and I want to live "my" life and travel when and where I want to, and I want so much out of life but not kids!!! :)

Answer 1

Kids arent for some people..and if you are one of the people that doesnt want kids then so be it, go live your life and be happy...as for me...there was never a greater joy than the day I delivered my son.

Answer 2

No, not offended, but a 20 year old's brain just isn't fully developed yet.

If you still feel like this by the end of your 20s, fine, get your tubes tied. However, things can surely change as you mature through your 20s - and maybe one day you will meet a man you will want to have a family with.

Answer 3

No, I don't become offended, as long as the 20 year old respects the fact that other people have different goals for their lives.

Answer 4

No, I don't think it is selfish at all, although I think you are right, most people think that if you would rather put your needs first, over children, then you are selfish. But, let's face it, some women are just not maternal - they have no desire to have children and have completely different goals in life. What's selfish about that? Up until the age of 36 I didn't have a maternal bone in my body and never thought I would have children. But, one day, I realised I would feel very sad if I never had any, so now I am the proud owner of two small boys! I have lived my life to the full, worked overseas for many years, been through so many frogs trying to find my prince and now everything has come together. So, while I don't think there is anything at all wrong in your feeling as you do, I also think that you may reconsider your decision later on. But, if you don't - it's your life and don't let anybody tell you that you are selfish!

Answer 5

No that's fine. I'd rather you say that then pop out 5 or 6 like some women do and not care about them or think that welfare is the only way out. At least you know what you want. My husband and I just had our first baby 6 months ago and we're 30 years old. We only want one and that's what we're going to do..(hubby got fixed)..

These days people are to poor to have kids and the less you have the better off you'll be...

Goodluck to you!!!!

Answer 6

First off, I'm a mom.  Second, it took us awhile to have a baby.  I was told for years that I couldn't and then voila!  so I'm speaking as a woman who thought she would never be able to have that sort of blessing.

It is your life.  You should do with it as you choose.  I would not be offended by you feeling this way or even going so far as to get your tubes tied (or essure) even though there are many people who can't have children who envy those who have an actual choice in the matter.  Many young people do change their minds but some do know for a FACT that they just aren't maternal and that's okay.  I know of girls who got their tubes tied at 20-23 and right now they are 30+ and are living their lives exactly as they wished and are entirely happy with their decision.  

Just know that if you do go 'permanent' that there are no take backs.  If you change your mind later you can consider being a foster parent or adopting.  There are SO many children who need help because they were born into families that cannot or will not take good care of them!

On my own note:  People think I'm crazy because I just had a baby 6 months ago and want the next one within the year or 2 or not at all!  I love my son to pieces and enjoy the moments with him but I'm not so much a 'baby' person as I am a 'kid' person and I can't wait to 'get the baby years over with' (I can't put it any nicer than that although I will ALWAYS cherish the memories and put everything I have into each day with my baby).

Answer 7

I wouldn't think its selfish. I would think its a bit closed minded, I mean you're only 20, you may want one when you get older, but if not still fine, this is your life. For me I love kids, and have 2, but It isn't for everyone! Good luck!♥

Answer 8

I don't know why that would offend anyone.

I would be more offended if you hate kids and still had them anyway.

Answer 9

No. Why would I be offended? Just like there are people who can't imagine their lives without their kids, there are people who can't imagine their lives with kids in it. Parenthood isn't for everyone. Sure, it's selfish, but that's sort of the point of living for yourself. So what? People have every right to live life the way they want to, and so long as they aren't hurting anyone or themselves I have no problem with it.

Edit: Ah ok. Well you shouldn't make a guy get a tubal unless he is like-minded. Otherwise, that's selfish. Don't ruin a guy's dream of having a family to accommodate yours. I'm sure it'll never get that far; the whole kids thing sounds like a definite deal-breaker and you'd probably get that established in a relationship quick LOL

Answer 10

Doesn't offend me.  It's your life, go for it babe.  I think you will have a hard time finding a Dr. to perform a tubal ligation on you.  They don't want a lawsuit in case you change your mind.  You might try something like an IUD as a form of long-term birth control.  

If people are offended by the way you want to live your life, they are not very secure in the choices they have made.

Answer 11

I understand why you feel offended by this

But is a personal choice

At 20 a lot of people are still unsure what they want from life, their still young.

When a teen says that they was a child they will be told their crazy and they should stay in school and get an education to lead onto a good carer.

So, basically we're stopping them by making them want a carer. I don't want this to sound like I want all teens to drop school and have kids.

But its a personal choice people have freewill and what they choose it what would be destined for them.

Answer 12

I think you have to be supportive and feel extra proud that your daughter wants to be independent at 20. That is her dream for now. Maybe at 30 she will think about having a family. But for now, let her study, and have her own career. It's great she thinks this way and not traditional as other girls think. Which is to get married and have kids. At least she is doing something positive.

Answer 13

Well I am not a mother, I am a 19 year old male. But I have noticed vast changes in societies today, just look at the japanese culture. Women do not wish to have children not because they are selfish but because their is a lot more opportunity for them, they do not have to really on their mate to support them.

In japan this population cap has reached ultimate highs, they have been going through ressions for years, their currency is deflating (increasing in value), businesses are fighting over workers. There is just so much oppertunity.

This is not just happing in Japan, if look and the most populated cities in 1970s and compare them to the 2000s, the most developed cities Tokyo, New York, Paris, London, Munich, have fallen in rank significantly. Consequently, the undeveloped cities have overtaken in population.

So future societies will have to import workers from india or africa if the populations keep capping.

It is only natrual so don't worry yourself, you will probably die before we start see some serious complications.

I know what I want to do with my life and I am not planning on have kids or even getting married.

Answer 14

Selfish No of course not its up to you ..what is there to be offended about its a personal choice

Answer 15

Of course not.  I think its your own choice whether to have children, marry or fall in love or whatever else you do with your life.  Its YOUR choice.

Answer 16

no, why would I be offended? live YOUR life how YOU want to!

Answer 17

I'm not a mom, but I want to be.  And no I would not get offended by that.  There are many people in this world who should not be mothers and if someone recognizes that in herself, I think it's a GOOD thing for her to not have children.

Answer 18

i feel if u know u wont make a good mother and dont atttened to even have kids. then  im not offened at all. Im happy you know what u want in life. not all women are the baring children kind. My best friend had her tubes tied bc like u she never wants kids but she doesnt want to have the accident baby either.

Answer 19

I'd be more of a father, but there needs to be more of you

Answer 20

I would definitely not be offended! I think that is a mature decision. If it's your mom doing that, she is the selfish one for trying to make her daughter feel bad for not wanting to have kids! The less people who have kids the better, there are so many kids out there now who need homes!

Answer 21

It is not selfish.  Some people shouldnt or dont want kids and there isnt anything wrong with that.  I dont think you can just get fixed, but you can take measures to make sure you dont get pregnant.