Mothers verses fathers, and their rights?

Question

This is based off of Julie J's question, when I read the answers to if a father should sign his rights away out of love, I was confused.

I am female, and I can choose whether or not I want to be a mother at anytime. I can have a baby and leave it at a hospital, or fire station. I can just get an abortion. I can give them up for adoption at anytime for any reason. These fathers never get the right to be the father in these situations. Why is that okay?

Woman and men who do not want to be together end up having a child accidentally. The mother wants the baby and keeps it. That is her choice, but she has a choice. She then takes the father to court for a DNA test, and he now has to support and visit a child he did not want a part of. First off, that is not healthy for the child, andWHY DOES A WOMAN GET A CHOICE BUT A MAN DOES NOT?????????? Woman use a children as pawns for money, or to hold on to what they can't have. WHY?

Answer 1

its the child who gets hurt in the end not the parents i wish everyone could just get along

Answer 2

I completely agree with the gist of this questions and always have.... I don't think you intended to say that every woman in this situation would use a child as a pawn but, How many times have we actually seen a woman go down this path...  It happens often enough I doubt many of us can claim we haven't seen it happen at least once in our lives....

TotalRecipeHound--Answered: that unplanned pregnancies are because the man didn't want to use protection.... Are you kidding me!?!

The way I see it is that it is the Woman who will become pregnant and if she doesn't want to become pregnant then she should take steps to ***TRY*** to prevent that....

It is the Woman who has the choice to even allow the unplanned baby to be born... and the father doesn't get a vote when that choice is made... Some may argue that HE should have a vote--and there have been lawsuites in the past for exactly this right.... But, as far as I know it always boils down to the rights of her body....

As a Woman I have the right to my body and it starts with who I have s*x with... Putting issues of rape aside of course....

Men cannot demand that a woman has an Abortion--and they cannot demand that a woman places for adoption... We can all agree that would be unacceptable...

A man is equally responsible for creating the life...but, his choices end at the moment unprotected s*x---or unexpected pregnancies happen.... He cannot say, I am not ready to be a father--I am not ready to provide for a child--I am not ready to spend the next 18-24 years supporting a child... He has no rights at that moment....

If the Woman has enough class to name the father He may have some rights on the issues of adoption... but, sadly it seems so many use the "Unknown" statement on that line of the Original Birth Certificate when adoption is the decision... which is to just as vile as using a man as a pawn for child support... there are even cases where the Wrong man is Named in an effort to collect child support--just watch some of the awful daytime talk shows about "Whos the Daddy?"

It would be sooooo interesting to see what would happen if we changed child support laws and made ONLY those men who were married to the mother of the child obligated to pay child support.... I wonder what that would cause? Perhaps more marriages?

Of course, this idea would be yet another reason to claim that mothers were in situations where they were "forced" to choose adoption.... Thus undermine the efforts for supports to be in place for mothers to keep their babies and parent...

I think the original Choice is the decision to have s*x myself. If a young woman knew child support wasn't possible if she wasn't married to Da Daddy I would expect that abortion would rise and that wouldn't make me happy....

....so, it appears that the social ramifications of all of these issues will just contine to exclude fathers from the decisions to become a parent--and His Rights will continue to End in his wallet......

Answer 3

As far as I am aware, the father is supposed to sign a release before the baby can be adopted out.  I believe there's an exception if the father cannot be found.  But if he's available, he DOES have a say.

cw

Answer 4

Although a father has no rights regarding abortion, in all other instances..he does have rights.  A mother cannot legally give a child up for adoption without the father agreeing and signing away his rights.

As far as child support goes...the man also made the choice to have s*x knowing that there is always a chance of pregnancy.  The child is his too and he should have to help support it.  What kind of man would not want to make sure his own child is taken care of anyway???

Answer 5

The majority of accidental pregnancies are the result of the male insisting on not using a condom or taking it off in mid-activities without bringing it up to the woman.  If you are so stupid, you set yourself up for a cascade of events, which is no different than if you got drunk and decided to drive home.  If men really pushed for a birth control pill for men, we'd have one in 2-3 years.  But they don't because heck, they don't even go into the doctor unless they can't breath or can't get it up.

You are also grouping a whole bunch of women together unreasonably.  Many women do not use their children as pawns.  That's like saying all men are deadbeat dads.

Answer 6

The answer is just sexist:  girls are girls, and boys are boys.  It is not fair.  Of course men have parental rights and responsibilities just like a woman does.  Are they equal?  No.  Is that fair?  No.  Is there something we can really do?  Lobby for better/more complete laws...but you're never going to change the fact that...yes, men have a part in procreation and women carry babies in their bodies...that is just the way it is.  And no, it is not fair.

Actually, I think any solution will include educating our younger generation about s*x...and ALL that it implies.

Answer 7

OK, I see that you are open minded about male and female. First of all don't worry to much about what a male can do or can't do. It is you that you need to worry about. Sure a woman has a right to choose to have or not a child. It is what you can live with about yourself and what you have done with your life. I have 2 daughters and 2 sons. Since they were young , I would talk to them about been responsible. Well one daughter has only one child and doesn't want anymore. One of my  son and had son and he doesn't want anymore. My answer to them was then have surgery that is if they mean it.

I have had no more response from them.

Don't worry too much of what he can do , think about what is it that you want in life and take it from there.

And I do agree with you about woman having children to live off the government or child support if they are lucky to collect it or even get enough for the child expenses but still how many Mommy's have different babies daddies.

.

Good Luck,

Answer 8

I've made this point over and over again, and women keep getting angry by it. I also make the point that they claim it is their body so it is their right to do as they choose with it, yet if they are going to claim all rights then why don't they claim all responsibilities. If they drink knowing they can get drunk, then they are responsible for getting drunk. If they eat and get fat, then they are responsible for getting fat. They put the substances (food and alcohol) in their bodies knowing the possible outcome, so they are responsible if that outcome occurs. It isn't the fault of the alcohol and food manufacturers, it is hers for partaking of it. How are they then not solely responsible for becoming pregnant when they have s*x knowing that they could become pregnant? They are the ones who allowed the guy into their bodies, so it is her responsibility what happens to her body.

Answer 9

I think men and women are equally responsible.  The adoption agencies have it right in one regards.  Having s*x with a woman should put a man on alert/standby.  Having s*x leads to pregnancy.  He is just as responsible as she is.  She has the choice over her body.  Once the child is born, three people's thoughts, feelings and rights need to be considered.  

Just as women use children as pawns men use women to get their momentary satisfaction.  No one should use children.  They are our future.  We are honor to protect them.

Answer 10

I don't know why the woman is ultimately left with all the decisions until it comes to money...then the guy gets involved. Before you know it states that allow abortions are going to start making the male pay for it without it consent too.

I'm glad I'm not the only person. I was beginning to think they have everyone brainwashed.

The legal system is messed up. My mom asked my dad to sign over his legal rights when i was 11 but she still bitched the whole child support issue. That was in 98 and my dad forked over $200 a month and an additional $50 a week when legally he had no obligations to me other than blood. My dad always did what my mom wanted no questions asked. He still visited me though like any typical divorcee father.

Answer 11

Hi Sdudas~

What a great question.  And so many great answers already!  

First, I want to correct one huge misconception.  Father's in many states do NOT have to sign relinquishment papers when their child is adopted.  Many states allow adoption without the father's consent.  And, in fact, in many states, if the  parents aren't married, the father's name can not be entered on the birth certificate.  Perhaps this is a throw back to the days when men wanted to play without being responsible (married men 'stepping out'). Since men made most of these archaic laws still on the books...

For a search of the law by state:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/l...

For a more detailed list of statutes by state:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/l...

Such a travesty, IMHO. Adoption agencies take full advantage of this fact whenever possible, even moving moms to another state just before giving birth to avoid the necessity of obtaining a father's agreement.  

I absolutely agree with many of the comments you make.  And some great points are made in response.  

In cases where the man has been lied to (about the woman's fertility, for example), the father should not be made to pay child support.  UNLESS he ends up choosing to be a father.  On the flip side, men have lied to women about their fertility, as well.  Maybe people shouldn't be sexual with people they don't know well? Call me old fashioned!

In reality, women can & DO get pregnant while using birth control. BOTH partners know that s*x can cause pregnancy.  So both partners should be responsible for an unplanned pregnancy.

Women live with a "double standard", as demonstrated in some responses.  Women are often considered 'tramps' & 's***s' for getting pregnant.  Or at least, stupid girls. "They should know better! They can say no." Well, yes. And so can a man.  He doesn't "have" to have s*x.

Women often bare the burden of responsibility when raising their child alone. Men can go on their happy way.  Without the daily responsibilities.  Women who walk away from their responsibility as mom face much harsh criticism. Men do not.  

In the past, and sadly, even in present day (according to the article link below that appeared in another question), women are often still punished by not being allowed to finish their education; while the fathers aren't kicked out of school and can even continue to participate in school sports.

http://www.santamariatimes.com/articles/...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Just some food for thought. There are both sides to the story. I agree with a woman's right to choose - no one should be forced to have a baby.  When she has a man who's willing to support her & be a father, well, it's a sad day.  

Again, as adults we should ALL be more responsible with our sexuality!! (though, yes, some of us find out the hard way our "prince" or "princess" isn't who he/she pretended to be.)

ETA: Thanks Andraya for the OTHER side of the story! I considered putting in a comment about the pittance that most child support orders are.  For example, I received a whopping $125/mo. for 18 years while raising my daughter. No increase, no insurance, no medical or child care from her father.  

Having been on both ends of child support (receiving & paying), I can tell you it's far more expensive to have a child living in your home than it is to pay support when he/she lives primarily with the other parent.  

And, I'll just add that many fathers attempt to gain more custodial time solely to reduce the amount they have to pay, not b/c they want to spend time with their child.  And dad's also use children as pawns in custody & divorce/breakups. Women don't corner the market.

Answer 12

i agree that women use children the way they want to sometimes it can make you crazy bc like you sad the only person you hurt is the child in the end who has done nothing wrong but will end up with a complex one day bc of these people it is disgusting

Answer 13

I do agree for the most part about men having rights and not wanting to pay child support for a baby he did not want to keep - however, being a woman, having protected s*x, that in a heart beat became unprotected when the condom broke.

I was pregnant at 38 - not married, one child from a previous marriage, it sure to glory wasn't my complete fondness to know I had another child to raise by myself. He wanted me to abort, I knew that with a job, a home, another child - that wasn't something I could do. I had the resourses to support and love another child.

I didn't take him to court, for DNA and child support, I could have cared less. I knew who's baby it was, and I had my own job to support my kids.

At the same time he suddenly changed his mind and decided to sue me for custody. It was then he was ordered to pay support, and it was then his choice was made.

If a man makes the choice to sleep with a woman, you are leaving the conception of a child in God's hands, then you must be responsible enough to help raise it. I didn't want the debt, the responsibilities either, but by choosing to have the baby, I chose that obligation to my child, and men should to.

Answer 14

Robin pretty much nailed what I was going to say about a father's rights when it comes to adoption. I do want to add my two cents about the remainder of your question though.

"he now has to support and visit a child he did not want a part of. First off, that is not healthy for the child"

Can you please tell me where you are that an absentee father can be forced to see a child he wants nothing to do with? Enforced visits can be added to a parenting order but it has NOTHING to do with making an absentee parent see their child, it is to ensure that the primary guardian releases the child for visits with the non custodial parent. There are no laws in place, to my knowledge, that can be used to force access on a parent who chooses not to have a relationship with their child.

"WHY DOES A WOMAN GET A CHOICE BUT A MAN DOES NOT??????????"

Women have more choice simply because they are the ones carrying and delivering the child. I for one would be mighty pissed if someone took away my right to choose and forced abortion/pregnancy/adoption/ parenting on me. Ohhh wait, I have had these things forced upon me! Yeah it sucked. Just like the fact that many men are forced into loosing their child many women are forced into options they weren't fully supportive of or wanting. If you think women always have the last say you are sadly mistaken.

"Woman use a children as pawns for money, or to hold on to what they can't have. WHY?"

roflmfao! Pawns for money? Ohhh sheee-it! My monthly child support payments are barely enough to cover my heavily subsidized day care bill. I  don't know one single parent who is living in the lap of luxury because of their child support. I actually tallied up the amount of money I spend on my daughter every month... grand total $1800, child support payment $300. Wow I had no idea that pittance equaled me using her as a pawn for cash. I consider it his obligation to help raise a child he "forced" me to have and raise alone. I have only recieved child support from him for about 6 of the 26 months since my daughter's birth. Add in the fact that I am responsible for her day to day care and I can't see how I am getting any extra money from this deal. I do get the extra love and that makes up for being broke most days.

Hold onto what they can't have? Are you kidding me? Yeah cuz that works. Hmm... I guess you can call it holding on, I mean I have to see him for the rest of my life even though I would much rather cut him loose and forget we ever met. Kinda like holding on to a knife falling from the counter top, grab the wrong end by mistake and the pain is enough to make you scream. Not something most would hold onto given the choice.

Answer 15

No, some women may do that but you should not stereotype all women like that....if the man and woman both decide to have s*x then they just both have to deal with the consequences of what can happen

Answer 16

Thank you for asking this question. I can finally feel like i can now let the load off of my shoulders that i have carried ever since I got pregnant with my son.

Now dont get me wrong, I ABSOLUTLY love my son to death, and i would NEVER change anything if I could go back in time.

When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend (at the time) of 2 years decided he didnt want anything to do with me. He ended up packing my stuff up, and driving me from Las Vegas and dropped me off in front of a walgreens in phoenix, AZ. He didnt want the baby, or anything to do with it.

I felt horrible for a few days and i didnt know if keeping the baby was a good choice or not,  but i stayed strong and decided that no matter what happened I ws going to keep the baby that I had inside me.

I had a wonderful pregnancy, I moved back to NY and stayed with my mom until i had my baby. Through out my whole pregnancy I had not heard a single word from my ex. He did not care if i kept the baby, how i was doing, or what was going on. I knew he didnt want a baby. At least not with me. I dont know why though, i never did anything wrong to him.

But when I had my son, everyone was telling me that I NEEDED to get child support from him, and i needed to get as much money out of him that I could.

Now, I wouldn't mind squeezing every single penny out of him for all of the mental and emotional abuse that he caused me, but i did not want him to be able to get any kind of rights to being a father.

He never wanted to be a father to begin with, and he and I both knew that. So I didnt put him on the birth cirtificate, i didnt file for a perturnity test, i didnt file for child support.

And now my son has a REAL father, even if he is not blood, he is his father. He loves him unconditionally, makes sure he has food, water, and a roof over his head, and my son loves him to death.

It doesnt matter who your blood father is, there are men in this world who will give anything to be a father. Even if it is to a baby who isnt their blood.

I would never subject my son to the torment that my arents went through with child support and custody. So i pretty much say......

If you dont want to be a father to the baby that you helped me make then f*u*ck you. We will do just fine without you.

And guess what..........we do! we dont need his money or his problems. Because thats all that will happen is problems.