Mothers who put their kids in adoption.?

Question

my mum put me in adoption when i was a baby im 15 now and she wrote me a letter for me to read when im 16 which is near and i've read it and she said that she was gonna miss me.

my dad later told me that she wasnt allowed to see me?

has anyother people had the same thing?

and why arent they allowed to let me see my mum?

Answer 1

there's two types of adoptions. a closed adoption. or and open adoption.

in an open one, the parents can see the child whenever, in a closed one, the parent has specifically agreed to not have contact with the child until they are 18.

The type of adoption is usually sorted out between the parent and the new parents, or by the adoption agency.

Answer 2

The circumstances around the reason for your adoption could be both complicated and troubling.  The reasons for her not being "allowed" to see you could be as varied as problems with addictions, abuse, illness or as simple as "thats just the way things were back then".  Adoption attitudes have changed some in the last 15 years so it's hard to tell just why if your dad won't tell you more.  Perhaps he has his reasons and without knowing more I won't say if they are good reasons or bad.

While I can understand your wanting to know all the answers right now I think it's best to wait and let things come out as they do.  Its a lot to take in for anyone so give it some time.  You will be 18 shortly and by that time not only will you be better suited to accept and understand the reasons but you will also be able to do more research because more information will hopefully be open to you.

Answer 3

Dear Brown Eyes,

I am unaware of any actual LAW that states First Parents & Adoptees are not "allowed" to meet/know/contact etc their children. Unless there is a specific Court Order, such as a restraining order, adoption merely renders First Parents and their children LEGAL strangers. Strangers are allowed to have contact (otherwise we'd never meet anyone!) and can contact each other throughout life as long as there are no laws being broken (harassment, child endangerment, etc.). If there were laws about FPs and Adoptees having contact, there could not be "open" adoptions. There are certianly cases where contact should be avoided because an FP poses a REAL threat (abuse, extreme emotional issues, severe drug use, etc.) and these are ususally the cases which HAVE an RO in place.

Most First Parents never forget about their children. The majority of us WANT reunion and think of our children and miss them EVERYDAY. Many of us never stop loving them and dream of the day when we will see our familys again. In many cases it is BENEFICIAL to maintain contact for all parties of an adoption.

From what you have written, it sounds like your First Mother is probably waiting with baited breath to see you again. I'm quite sure she misses you terribly and wants to know you and see your face once again.

You sound as though you would like to meet her too. I would encourage you to meet her when YOU are ready. She will always be your First Mother, you can choose for yourself if you wish to consider her your Mum! No one but you gets to decide that!

I hope your parents will encourage and support you if and when you choose to meet your First Mother. You should remind them that they will always be your parents too and that you love them still. Hearts can love many people at once and no one can ever really be replaced!

I hope that you will listen to your heart and decide for yourself what is best for you! I wish you and your family - ALL of it - the best of luck for a happy and healthy future!

Answer 4

Because when Mom's give the child up for adoption - the child truly belongs to the new parents. Most adoptees are not allowed to see their birth parents at all.