Motivating LAZY husband (asking again , with all the left out details )?

Question

He does NOTHING besides work 4-5 overnights a week (35 hrs) , I also work 5-6 days a week (45 hrs) .. We have 2 babies , and we do not have baby-sitters , he keeps them while I work , and visa-vora , anyhow , we are both very tired ... But he doesn't do ANYTHING , in the house ... I have to come home from work (take a break) to feed out daughters dinner , and change diapers , then go back to work ... He hasn't lifted a finger to do any cleaning , in weeks ... and that's after I leave things gross for days , and BEG him to clean it ... I've threatened to only work part time ( I make ALOT more money than he does) and then he says he'll help , but doesn't .. I love him very much for other reasons obviously , but it's really wearing me down .... Any idea's ??

He doesn't mind living in a pig pin , and i'm sorta ocd ..

Just to get this straight , he comes home at 7 and sleeps until 3 , when I leave , i come home just in time for him to get to work ... on sat , and sun I work 10 hours both days , and he doesn't work ... He is getting ALOT more sleep than I am , even if it is rough hours , he is very used to his shedual .. We have a 6 month old , who doesn't sleep though the night also .. It is very hard to finf someone to baby sit becuase our youngest daughter has extreme extended colic (meaning she crys ALOT , for no reason )

Answer 1

take away s*x and then see if he doesnt change it worked for me!!!

Answer 2

I have to tell you that my husband and I both used to work overnight ( 10 -7) and that schedule is very hard when your body is used and accustomed to sleeping during that time. You schedule is a lot like ours. I work in the day and he works overnight but he does not watch our kids. How can you ask him to take on ALL of those responsibilities. Why don't you put the kids in daycare? Your husband might have a hard time cleaning and watching the kids. If you think about it, it's like he has 2 jobs. I think that if you want him to help more you will have to relieve him of some of his duties. If you do and he still is being lazy, then he is LAZY.  

Answer 3

Divide the house up in to 2 bits - put a barrier down the middle! He can have the dirty, grimy bit and you and the kids can have the nice, clean bit - if only huh! :-) Or call pest control and ask them to fumigate the house while he is sleeping during the day.

It's a tough one I know. I bet you're feeling completely used and a trampled housewife/mother too. To get the point across, that you will no longer live like this or tolerate his ignorance, can't you move into a friends/relatives for a few days just to see if you get a response? Good luck.

Answer 4

Hire a cleaning service to come in and clean your house once a week.  Make sure that they're scheduled to be there while he is home so he can see that someone else is cleaning his house.  If he questions the decision, let him know that you cannot continue to do it all yourself and that you need help. If he isn't willing to contribute toward the upkeep of the home, you will continue to pay an outside source.  If he doesn't come around, keep the cleaning service.  If he does, stroke his ego a little and praise his efforts.  Either way, you will be relieved of some of the work.

Answer 5

You've come a long way, baby. How's that turnabout feel? Men have been suffering the lazy house wife syndrome for years, now, thanks to women's rights movement, YOU TOO can enjoy the "lazy house spouse syndrome" ENJOY!!!

Answer 6

just tell him clean or get out  

Answer 7

If the house is a pig pen and is being neglected, he's obviously neglecting the children too. So, that could be one reason the baby cries so much!

Advertise for a decent sitter. Maybe even have a lady come in once a week to clean the really bad stuff.  

Tell him you'll quit all together if he doesn't start helping out.  He's being selfish.

Answer 8

My husband worked the midnight shift, I swear those guys get more sleep then anyone!!  We had the exact same issue.  In reality the only way to fix it may be for him to try to get another shift.  Our lives were unmanageable when my husband was on midnights.  There is no time together AT ALL, and then the resentment of the whole sleep thing.  You may be getting burned out with the baby as well, but that will pass soon enough.  You basically need to hang in there.  Tell your husband that you are at your wits end and that you are demanding that he help you until you guys can get your work schedules strait.  I was lucky, because my husband was switched to a normal schedule after 6 months of complete h**l.

Good luck, I will be thinking about you:)

Answer 9

First of all, I don't know your financial situation, but can either or both of you cut just a few hours out of your work schedule?

Secondly, maybe he feels like his time is used up so much by either working or taking care of children that he can't even think about cleaning even if he knows it needs to be done. You probably feel overwhelmed as well! It might help to create a list of who does what. That way he knows exactly what YOU should be doing for housework, and he might not feel so put upon to do what's assigned to him.

Also, for future reference, make sure you praise EVERY little thing he does do. Lets say you expect him to do three things by the time you get home, and he's only done one. Instead of harping on him for the two things that aren't done, extensively praise the one thing that IS.

"Wow, the kitchen looks so clean! Thank you so much honey!"

The more he's encouraged, the more he'll want to do more.

It's almost like training a child, but those techniques work for adult relationships as well.

Answer 10

I am sorry for you, your life is crazy.  Is it that important that you work so much? i know money helps pay the bills, but really is it worth it?  Can you cut down on hours?  He won't change, you can't make him.  Sometimes cleaning isn't important when you are so tired, and he is.  Something needs to change, can you write a list of chores for him to follow? I think him looking after the kids is a big help, but maybe you can work regular hours and get a babysitter and you guys would be home together more..i dunno.

Answer 11

i dont know how you could motivate him but you arent the only couple with those shcedule but still . i have a 14 month old daughter and i do daycare for 3 other babies(7AM TO 6 PM) and i am currently 4 months pregnant with our second child . my hubby works 40 hours a week and his schedule are 3:30 AM to 12:30 PM . his workplace is 35 mn away and requires strengh and all . but we still manage to clean in the house . if he doesnt want to help i would stop picking  after him and not cook . when you get home all tired, kiss them and go in the room . tell him to feed the kids . trust me he would not sit there and hear them cry . he will eventually get up. pretend you dont hear the kids cry, it is hard but hey. lock the door and stay for however long you need to rest . when my daycare kids leave  i go in the bedroom or take time for myself while dad take over . they usually think it is only the woman job to clean and look after the kids . not anymore it is both our kids and responsibilites . hope i helped a little  

Answer 12

Draw up a schedule for the both of you including all agreed chores etc for the household, get him to agree working with you on things and schedule nice time as rewards.

We men are very simple creatures, stroke us the right way and we will do anything our lady asks.

Answer 13

Well, I am not a doctor but my understanding is that colic can often be helped with a chiropractor, sometimes even after one or two visits.  

Also, as a man I know severe lack of sleep really demotivates me.  I need my solid sleep to be at the top of my game, and if my sleep isn't sound I'm grumpy and have a harder time caring about things.  I'm not saying it's right, but it's really true!

But also he needs to do his share.  I think in this case you need to write a list of chores down and you can tell him here is your list of everything that needs to be done.  Then on another page take turns each picking a chore on the list that you are responsible for, and the FREQUENCY they need to be done.  This way you both at least pick your chores probably easiest to nastiest.

If you both keep up with your responsibilities you should both be contrinbuting equally.  And if you take care of the colic some sleep will seem heavenly.