Motivation to change?

Question

Okay, this is a hard one- how do you motivate yourself to change. This is the first time in my life where I've had to be truly independent. I'm 23, married, with two kids. I went straight from living with a manipulative mother with organization and cleaning issues to living with my husband and son in a place of our own. My husband is the dominant one in our relationship- and overall, and we got into a pattern, because I was following his lead, having never done this before. We have no routines or schedule to speak of, no organization, and our house is a mess. Not filthy, mainly just cluttered with c**p and too many toys (his mother goes crazy at christmas). He left less than two weeks ago on deployment and I need to make changes. I need to create and implement a routine and schedule and totally organize things. I also have to be more organized overall. He doesn't want to live like this when he gets back and it's been driving me crazy for a long time, but I have no clue how to fix it. It has to begin fairly soon, since he'll be home for a week before his unit heads overseas. He wants to see some change to be reassured about how things are going to be while he's gone. How do I change? I am usually bothered by it, but unfortunately, it doesn't impact me the way it should- I think I'm desensitized from being raised in an organizational/cleaning black hole. I keep hearing, just get up and try and that doesn't help any. I just get up and get frustrated by all of it. I really need some help, or else he might not even stay with me when he gets home, and that would just rip me apart. Unfortunately, knowing that and being motivated by it are two different things and for some reason, even knowing that it will be better for the kids, doesn't help because I'm just not affected by it like I should be. Can anyone help with this?

Answer 1

Oh that is tough.  I understand where you are coming from though.  Start small.  If you are able to get some storage containers get tucker totes etc..  Start in the family room or where your main hub is.  Just put a show on or good music and start de cluttering.  Use the tucker totes.  Use plastic bags to put items to take to the goodwill.  Have your kids help if they are old enough.  Show them a toy box or area where their toys are and ask them to pick things out they don't want.  Tell them they are going to kids who have nothing and it would make the other kids so happy (works wonders on my daughter).  Just take small baby steps.  It helps to have places to put the clutter and toys.  If you haven't used it for 6 months put it in a goodwill pile.  You can do it.  Look at it in sections or rooms.  not the whole house.  Small steps will get you motivated and you will see a difference.

  Best of Luck to You!

Answer 2

You need to sit down and make a list of the most serious areas that need improvement and prioritize from there.Once the list is made then take a calender or just another sheet of paper and make a daily/weekly/monthly schedule of what needs to be done. Stick to this schedule.

When the house is cleaned and organized set certain chores to certain days example:

Monday: Clean kitchen

Tuesday: Clean living room

Wednesday: bathroom

Thursday: Laundry

etc...etc...etc...

The hardest part is getting something under control once it has gotten really bad. If you can get it clean then just keep it that way. Do small things everyday that way you don't feel overwhelmed.

I am a disorganized person by nature I also have very serious ADHD which causes me to feel overwhelmedd which is why I break it down into small more manageable pieces.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Write a list of how you want your life to be. Then write down what needs to change to make it reality.

My advice would be to get storage sorted - somewhere to put all the clutter once you have weeded out what you dont need and chucked it away. Shelves, boxes etc etc all can make a huge difference to your home. Get a blackboard or use a wall chart to work out what chores need doen and when.

Another thing to think about - why arent you motivated? Is it because you arent doing these things for you, but more for your partner. You feel insecure about him leaving you but you need to realise that its your life, your house, your kids as well as his, and its up to you to stand up and take charge of things sometimes.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Try the Fly Lady

Do you feel overwhelmed, overextended, and overdrawn?

Hopeless and you don't know where to start?

Don't worry friend, we've been there, too.

http://www.flylady.net/

Answer 5

clean the house first, one room at a time; if it's broken, throw it out; if it hasn't been used in 6 months, put it in the give to Goodwill pile; if it doesn't fit or hasn't been worn in 6 months...put it in the give to Goodwill pile; kids need to be in bed by 8, that means at 7 p.m. they get baths then you read them a story or two before you tuck them in.....breakfast in the morning at the table and you take this time to teach them manners; play time....then lunch then a nap at 1.....a place for everything and everything in its place; it makes your life so much easier and getting the kids on a schedule makes both your life and their lives easier....you can do it!  I don't like to do a bunch of chores on the weekend, so Monday I clean bathrooms, Tuesday I vacuum...Wednesday I dust; I do laundry throughout the week so it doesn't become a major chore..........I like to keep Saturdays for fun and Sunday for relaxing.............