Moving on after a divorce?

Question

I have 3 boys with my ex, and I still have feelings for her, she was really awful to me, I tried hard to make her happy and it was never enough, she is beautiful and I think that is what keeps me hooked, but I want to break the spell and truly find someone that can make me happy, any suggestions????

Answer 1

time heals everything..this is still new..just give it a few months.  

Answer 2

Try to enjoy your single life.  A few one nighters will get those pesky "I'm not over my ex" thoughts out of your head.

Answer 3

If she was really that awful to you, then it should be very clear that "beauty is only skin deep."  

Give yourself some time alone.  Don't date for a while, because it probably won't work anyway.  Before long someone will smile at you just the right way and you can start over again.

Answer 4

Well behind every beautiful woman is a hot man if you get what I'm saying so forget about her and go out with some friends and get back into the swing of things she's not the only beautiful woman out there  

Answer 5

Beautiful on the outside, but not beautiful on the inside.  Why don't you picture her with a monster head.  If she could turn herself inside out, that is exatly wht she would look like.  Hello..............be there for the boys.  She sounds self-centered enough that she will always be there for herself.  The best revenge you can have  (not that revenge is an answer) is to ignore her except where the boys are concerned.  Remember.....monster head.  Big, green ugly monster head.

Answer 6

If the only reason is that you stay because she is beautiful, you are doing so under superficial reasons alone. You said yourself that she was awful to you and you still want her? She is ugly on the inside and in later years the outside will follow as we all age. Then you will be stuck with an ugly girl who treats you awful. What you really need to do is re-evaluate your priorities and being treated bad should be somehting you should not have to put up with even if she is beautiful. Come out from being so shallow and try and learn what is true value in life. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder bro...you think that she is beautiful of course because she was your wife. Look at some other females that men are marreid too that they think are beautiful...you might think they are ok or downright ugly. I felt the same for my wife for a looooong time...like I cant get anyone as pretty as her...but I learned over time that it was the love talking and not me. You still love her so this is why you still find her very attractive....to the next guy she might just be ok. Nothing will make you feel better then time...it gets better bro trust me...I am still hooked a bit and its been a year or a little over a yr....and I still find that she is very beautiful...that may never go away....but I do find myself now looking at other females and not comparing so much....and ia ctually see some attractiveones out there now. Love will blind you for a while bro...like no one you see will even compare for a looong time. BUT IT GETS BETTER!  

Answer 8

Well...you haven't given us much to work with, but I'll take a shot.

First, you can't make other people happy.  Oh, someone can cheer you up, maybe, but not make happy.  Maybe she is chemically imbalanced and this makes her unhappy.  Maybe she had a number of personal issues.  I have no idea.

But if you *really* did try, and it didn't work out, then you can't blame yourself, and you just have to forgive her and forgive yourself for it not working out.

Beauty is all too often skin deep.  Why not see a therapist to try and help you get past the relationship and the perceived failures?  Do yourself and your children a favour and don't date at all for a long while.  You need time to let go.  Then you need time to figure out who you are without her.  Then you need time to figure out what you really want (obviously more than just a pretty face).  Then go look for someone new.  But seriously, take the time to go through these steps, otherwise, you may become bitter and angry, and at the very least, it will be very confusing and potentially hurtful for your children.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Hurt does not make love go away...and love and logic are not always on the same page!

It's okay to grieve the loss of the relationship! Once you are ready, you need to figure out a way to move forward with your life. I used to write in a journal so I could deal with all the pain (and see that I really was making progress even though it didn't seem like it). Eventually, I learned that I couldn't make a new life for myself until I dealt with the past, so I called him and forgave him (not for his sake, but mine) because I realized that you cannot start a new beginning until you grieve the loss of the old relationship. Its good to understand that ALL relationships come to an end at some point (either through break-up, divorce, or death) so we all go through this grieving process.

Keep your chin up and take it day by day and then you will meet someone when you are least expecting it!

Answer 10

Counseling. Don't date until your ready. Just keep in mind all the things that you don't like about her, that made you want to get a divorce in the first place. Just keep your head up and don't give in.

Answer 11

Start dating someone else, that always breaks the spell.   Join singles support groups and start going to your local library to read the magazines.  The library is a great place to meet singles.  Good Luck.