Mums, what would you do? 8 year old boy advice?

Question

Hi all, my husbands 8 year old son has come to stay with us in australia for a month from new zealand because his mum needs a break and he is an over spoilt wussy little boy who needs to speak to his mum 3 times a day. Hes very attention seeking and hard work at times. So my problem is that my husband has to work so hes always with me and im not sure i can lat the month cause he repeats everything i say to his mum and she has babied him so much that im worried if he says the wrong thing she will just pay for him to fly home and my husband will miss out on seeing him. Anyway shes the type of woman who thinks shes always right and can get really nasty and every time i hear him repeating what i say i just feel really sick and just want him to go home. Also he has been sent here for his father to teach him some respect as his mother doesnt disapline him so he swears at her and hits her so its really quite pointless that hes even here cause she will just pack him up and take him if i say the wrong bloody thing. Its way to stressfull for me and i dont know what to do. his father can have words to him but its not guna change much. I also have my own 17 month old son to look after so the lack of sleep from the two of them is just making everything worse. Any ideas on how to deal with an 8 year old? also he sneaks the phone to ring his mum if he doesnt get what he wants.

Answer 1

He's only 8 and probably away from home for the first time, so try to have patience with him. At least it's only a month and you don't have to deal with him all the time. Can you keep him busy in sports or activities so you can get him off your hands? That way he'll be enjoying himself and he won't be in your hair.

As for the swearing & hitting part, that is totally not acceptable and the mom is a moron if she puts up with that. If he dares to do that to you, do NOT put up with it!!! There's nothing you or your husband can do to get him to behave with his mom though. That's HER problem and she needs to take a parenting class, get some guts and deal with him like a parent. If she allows that now he's going to be a monster when he's a teen but it's only up to her to change that and make him respect her, not you or your husband.

Answer 2

I would leave the "punishing" to your husband as the child is right and everyone else, you aren't his mother and you have no right, also you rarely see him. So I'm not sure why he is being sent to live with you guys for a bit to teach him respect, as being there should be more like a vacation because he doesn't get to see his father a lot. Leave him be, don't even pay attention to him during the day and when he is bored he will come to you with a nicer attitude.

Answer 3

1st, you should be free to speak, so long as it is not in a disparaging way. If he has heard you speak of him in a negative way, you must apologize and start over. Disregard anything he repeats to his mother. You can not "control" that and why should what she says or thinks affect you or your thoughts and actions (read Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer)? If he sees that tattling to his mum irritates you, he is getting a reaction from you and he will continue. Cease reacting and that is resolved.

***If this boy shows no respect, then he also RECEIVES none.***

In my own opinion, he is old enough to reason with. Granted, I do not know him or your situation, but he should be treated WITH respect. His Father and YOU need to sit down and talk to him in a respectful manner and make him aware that how he acts is how he will be treated. If that does not have the desired effect, then surely you have medical insurance, schedule an appointment immediately with a Family Counselor.

You must set boundaries of what is acceptable in your home and what is not. He MUST be shown how his actions DIRECTLY impact how he is treated in YOUR home. You can not change how he's treated by his mum. It is *YOUR* *RESPONSIBILITY* to make **HIM** directly responsible for his own actions = the gift that will last him a lifetime.