A list of general interaction guidelines for brothers.
Written by A brother
1. Do not say "sister" too much... it sounds endearing. What a sensitive, caring guy you are.
2. When they make a point, don't be like "Hey, I TOTALLY agree, yeah, we are so on the same page! Yo go sister!" or sound like you two are with the "same mind".
3. If she states an interest, say that "I LOVE doing that!" or "I love that song too! Oh my gosh!" It makes a common attachment that can be the starting point to relate to someone. There are tactful ways to agree and even say you like something.
4. Don't keep your gaze on the floor the whole conversation, then, at a critical or emotional or important point, look her straight in the eyes and do a "plea" look or an eyesearch "window to the soul" look, or the brief look and smile slightly, or looking too much into the top corner of the room to put light through your eyes and show off your face while you don't notice...
5. Don't get into too passionate a talk with them. If you have pain for the ummah, and its a girl there alone, don't get all deep into the feeling. Girls LOVE passion. Even an ugly guy can become an object of affection if he has a romantic passion for something she believes in.
6. Don't act like the poster-boy for women's rights to her, or say "we have to get women into the right positions", etc. past the point where it is a "mentioning". Girls will misunderstand if they see what they think is a crusader for sensitivity. That's not to say, don't espous those views. Just don't go into a soliloquy to her.
7. Don't be overly eloquent, or poetic. Or deep and use analogies or tell sad stories, and then try to act like a strong man. You are doing it to them then you will act dumb saying "Guy, I didn't know she liked me guy... I was just talking". Bonding with the ummah is one thing, bonding her to you is something else.
8. Don't go off into her or your personal problems. Don't confide in her and act like "I haven't told anyone else, but..." like she is *that* special person who gets to be inside your "feelings".
9. Don't do too many favors and try to act macho... like, keep your gaze solidly low while always bringing her food or something. Know the line.
10. If your married, be straight about it (I have gotten flak for this one).
11. If the sister is a single mother, don't play too much with her child in front of her and say loving things to her then put down the kid and start talking to her and applying points 1 to 6.
12. If your voice is nice, try not to sing around them. If they are in earshot, don't embellish your Qur'an to yourself if you know it can sound like you are showing off.
13. Don't approach them in a state of personal maintenance that gives them a glimpse of your home life.. ex, don't be dripping from wudhu and talk to them while the beads glisten off your face and your hair is shining in locks. And definitely don't apply points 1-6 there.
14. Don't keep or offer to keep secrets too much, or talk about others with her . Geebah is wrong anyways, but here, it shows you support her, and girls like to see support.
15. Don't admire yourself while talking- touching your own face, waving hands through hair, massaging your bicep, or stretching to show off your body.
16. Don't stand with a bunch of your boys and talk big, like you are talking for her to hear you.
17. Don't do too much "how are you" and "how is the family".. don't OVERDO it.
18. Don't offer too much assistance with studying and non-essential things.
19. For small little reasons, don't have to pass an MSN contact or an email.
20. Don't fake the interested in marriage card if you can't get married. Also, don't say later that you are ready but certain key things are not (such as finances or a place) so that you mislead the girl into opening up unnecessarily or she already becomes emotionally attached.
21. Be very careful of being the one to give da'wah... or claiming to be the da-iy she needs amidst all the women around... this is the worst trap.
Allah SWT save me first from hypocrisy and error and give me the tawfiq to follow what I have said (of which the good isn't from me, but Him) and all of us. Ameen.
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