Muslims please help with Nikah.

Question

Assalamu &alaikum brothers and sisters. I need help with this, I am new to this topic I am a muslim revert, I have been muslim for one year so I have never been to a Nikah. A family found me a husband, which I really like. And today will be the Nikah, but I don't know what to say or ask for? What is the proper etiquette for this also. Are there any suggestions??? please help me I appreciate all the inputs

Answer 1

My dear sister in Islam, Assalamu Alaikum

Congratulations for reverting to Islam.

If some one is pushing you to do Nikah tonight without giving you time to think, there could be something wrong.  You don't know how many frauds Muslims from 3rd world countries do with American women just to get permanent visa (Green Card).  In their mind, they do temporary marriage to get visa and after two years when they get permanent card,  Most of such men have already  plans to divorce the American wife and then  go home to marry a  Muslim wife from there.  They wait two to three years because first after Nikah he will ask you to sign application of sponsorhsip of his visa, the process may take two years. But if he is already here and working, then he doesn't care.  Immigration will give him first temporary visa of one year within six months. Then immigration  will require you to sign papers again for him to get him the permanent visa card.  Immigrant agents ill be investigating about him and you to make sure if both are living togther or not, have combined checking account and apartment in both names.  Agent may come inside the apartment and check the things  wife and husband normally have in the apartment or house to make sure many things that they may have doubts about.  If the guy doesn't want to live with you right away and making excuses, then either he has no intention to marry you or he has wife back home.  He doesnot want to become father of your child and get hooked up  with wife waiting for him.  He will do this if he has wife with also a child.  He only wants to solve his visa problem and then plans to get rid of American wife to bring his wife here later  or will go to bring wife from his country. In their mind, wives of their countries are more trusworthy.

If the guy is from the following countries then I shall suspect  his intention and will adivse you to be very careful.

Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Iran, Egypt, Somalia, Sudan, Morroco, Tunisia and other poor countries. People of these countries are vey cunning and often hurt the American girls.

This is what I shall advise you to do,

1. Before you do Nikah first Ask him to show you his passport or

    permanent resident Card.  There are lots of fake green cards and

    you may not recognize if it is real or fake.  So have its copy from

    him and then go to Immigration office and have them check if it is

   real or fake.  If he has foreign Passport, see if it is still valid or

    expired.

2. If you can afford hire an private investigator and ask him to find out

    where he works, how much money he makes to make sure if he

    is telling you all truth or lying to you about himself.  Ask him to

    introduce  you with his friends, and relatives  and then you rivately  

    try to find about him, how good and honest person he is.  Find out if

    he prays and is a good honest and practicing Muslim.

If a family is pushing you to do Nikah so soon,  he might have expired visa and is using you to solve his visa problem.  He has to be very nice to you first time  because he need to marry American woman to solve his problem.  You never know how he will turn out to be later.

Inquire from people who know him, if  he is married or not, does he have wife and child(ren) back home.

It is better to be suspicious and careful  than jumping into marriage and later cry that he cheated you.

My dear I am living in USA for last 38 years.  I have seen lots of frauds done by the people of above listed countries.  Take your time, don't give into their pressure to marry right away.  I suspect why they are hurrying for Nikah. If you already like the guy,  your judgement will be

cloudy and you will believe what ever he says to you.  Have some one else do the inquiry about ahim. Get advice of others also.

You need to do Salatul Istikharah.  If you are new convert, you may not know what is Salatul Istikharah.  Go to the Masjid, talk to some ladies there and ask them how you should do the Salatul Istikharah. Some sister may do Istikahrah on your behalf or will teach you how to do it.  It is 2 rakat optional  prayer before you go to sleep. After prayer you can ask Allah in your own words the following:

O Allah!  I am new muslimah as you know.  I know nothing and you know every thing.  O  Allah guide me if this man who wants to marry me is a good person and whether marrying with him will be good for me or not. I need your guidance. O Allah guide me and give me some sign if I should marry him or not.  Then you go to sleep.  If Allah approves your marriage with this man,  from next day you will feel contended and you will think more about him positively and will wish to marry him soom.   If Allah doesnot approve this marriage for you,  He will  make you forget about him.  His thought will not come in your mind unless some one will reminds you. You  will not feel comfortable.  These will be the signs of disapproval from Allah.

If you feel not sure,  do the same prayers three nights in a row.  I am sure Allah will guide you some how.  Allah may send some one else to tell you not to marry him for what ever reasons he or she gives you.  Listen to the person and delay the marriage until you get all positive signs and informations about him. If he goes to Masjid and is practicing Muslim, some one will know him to ask him questions,

May Allah help you and guide you to the best decision of your life. May Allah save you from those who might hurt you for their own purposes.  If you have more questions to ask me, my e-mail address is in my profile.   Your brother in Islam, AM

I

Answer 2

Congratulations!

Answer 3

Assalamoalakum, congratulations .. ALLAH bless you and i wish you a happy and prosperous married life.Ameen

Answer 4

Hey! U're getting married today! Congratulations!

I didn't know that. I just knew u were going to get married in about a week or so. I've been trying to e-mail u, but hotmail has gone as mad as Y/A nowdays.  

Well, I bet somebody will tell u in this section. I haven't ever been to a nikah ceremony myself. Don't worry. Many converts get married, and everything goes fine. I mean, of course they all know that u r a convert.

Ur approval will be asked 3 times verbally to confirm the nikah (in the presence of witnesses). U'll sign the written approval.That will probably take place after the nikah sermon. Of course, u have to decide ur dowry before the nikah. Has it been decided?

Ur Pakistani friends will be with u, right? I bet they'll guide u through the ceremony. Just don't be too self conscious and nervous. It'll go fine, Inshallah.

Where r u getting married? In Utah or in the other state?

Let me know how it goes, OK?

EDIT: I agree (with bro. majeed 32) that u should perform the Istikhaara prayer before u proceed any further with this.

One of the major mistakes people make is to tell u that u will have dreams, this is a very rare thing to happen, so please dont solely rely on this.

Isthkhara is u asking allah swt to guide your heart to the decision that is best for u in this world and the next . What normally happens (to me as well) is that your heart starts inclining more to one decision than the other, and u will become more confident in what path u should take.

You should try and do it after each salah when u want guidance on something, if not daily but there is no set amount of times u should do it as far as im aware.

Isthikhara is very easy to perform alhumdulillah, just make your niyah (intention) for ishtkhara, pray 2 rakahs the normal way and when u have finshed, just recite the ishtikhara dua at the end, inshallah it works for you!

U will be able to find the prayer in English and the original one (in English text  too) on this page  :http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/istikhara...