My 10 year old has sent out a message to all her friends (and me)?

Question

saying "Help!! I'm sad all the time and don't know what to do. Any advice?"

She doesn't seem depressed to me, but I made it a point to make this evening just the two of us. We went to the mall and hung out all evening and she seems normal. I didn't ask her about it directly, but I did fish for some information. Apparently, she thinks she is a geek because she is only sort of friends with the "cool kids", but not really one of them and because she always raises her hand to every question in class. I asked her if she thought her friends were cool and she said yes, so I told her she is friends with the cool kids. Her reply was "That's not what I meant, the cool kids are the popular kids." The entire conversation seemed very lighthearted and it didn't seem to bother her when she called herself a geek. Should I let this go or seek counseling for her based on the email?

Answer 1

I went to school for this, so I am qualified for this type of advice that I'm about to give you. Honestly, all children go through this sort of thing around this age. This is during the time when they are learning about themselves and trying to figure out where they fit in.

Also, she could be feeling this way because one child is mean to her at school as well. At this age and all the way through teenage years children will feel very insecure and that is more than likely all that it is. If it didn't really seem to bother her when she was talking about this, then more than likely it isn't an issue that you should push.

What I would do if I were if your situation then I would tell her that you are there if she needs someone to talk to. Let her know that she isn't alone and try to relate to her problems with past things that have happened to you so that you can give her the best advice possibly. Most of the time counseling makes a child have more problems than they started with.

Answer 2

I think she shouldn't have to worry about the "cool" kids, she needs to be herself and if being geeky is what she is then so be it.  Let her know that by raising her hand to answer questions is a good thing, she should be proud that she is geeky..i'd rather be geeky and be someone important in life one day than to worry about being "cool", cool won't get you anywhere.  Try finding time to talk to her..say, while you're cooking dinner, have her help you and conversate, at the dinner table talk to her, ask how was school and so on.  I think she will be fine.

Answer 3

I would confront her directly about the message, if she sent it to you then she probably wants you to talk to her about it.

It's cool that you spent time with her, she'll appreciate that.

About the "geek" and "cool kids" thing. I don't know if it's like this now in grade school (when I was there it certainly wasn't), but in high school being a geek isn't really a bad thing. Especially when you get to Senior year, everyone is jealous of the top ten ranked kids. You should encourage her to always raise her hand if she knows the answer. Her confidence and intelligence is something the other kids will admire in her. Be proud of her (I'm sure you are) and let her know that.

I'm sure she'll be fine, she sounds like a bright girl with a great mom.

Answer 4

Never let it go but keep asking questions, and then get to the big one, what makes you feel so despirate that you had to send an email and tell her to always send the email because it just one more way for you to talk, maybe you should send her an email back.

Take care of her.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would bring it up to her by saying "Hey, I don't know if you realize it but I got your massage about you being sad.  Whats going on that has you feeling sad?"  Then listen.  Maybe she will open up and tell you whats going on, and if not at least she knows that someone "listens" to her call for help.

Answer 6

give her a BIG hug and tell her that you love her. :D

Answer 7

If the message went to you, then confront her directly on it, even if it went to you by mistake.  

Tell her after high school, she wont' remember the other kids names and when she has her big oval office, it won't matter what they thought of her back in school.  

Answer 8

when i was 10 i was kind of going through the same thing so I can kind of relate to her. the best advice i would give you from a teens perspective is to give it a little time. let her try to work things out for herself when it comes to the friends. if she ends up being really miserable then you should probably step in, but really when i was going through friend troubles i just worked things out for myself and now i have AMAZING friends. just try to to let her know that things like that take time and they will work out.

Make sure that you are spending extra time with her when she's not with friends, you only have so many years to spend with her before shes going out  every night with her friends, and I'm sure she needs extra support from you right now. Good luck!!!!

Answer 9

I would ask her directly what she wants to talk about and let her know it's ok to talk about how she's feeling.  She definitely seems like she has made a cry for help in some way.  Counseling may be the best option because sometimes its just easier to talk to a stranger than to talk to someone close.  It sounds like she may not have allot of close friends and the "cool kids" could like her because she is smart.  I wouldn't beat around the bush, i would ask how she feels about her message and what she thinks can help her feel better.  She seems very smart and maybe just doesn't know how to bring it up.  Please don't let it go, she's obviously looking for help somewhere and if the message was sent to her friends, they may not have a very responsible answer.  Good Luck

Answer 10

One session with a couselor wouldnt hurt.  I would want to make sure shes okay.  These days you just dont want to let stuff go.  Why dont you at least have a chat with the school counselor??