My 10 yr. old son's friend is leading the rest of their friends to ignore him. What advise can I give him?

Question

My son is in the 5th grade. He is kind of an anxious kid, sensitive and shy. He is however athletic and has become more socially active after the 2nd grade when he became friends with a boy from our neighborhood and his school. Their friendship grew and his the circle of friends now includes three other boys. All 5 boys are good students and athletic and seem to come from good families. I have noticed that the original friend of my son is the leader of the group. This "leader" seems to pick one of his friends as the target and does things to leave that one person out. Now, it seems to by my son's turn. For the past few days at lunch this boy will not let any of the other boys sit with my son and at recess, when they are all playing soccer together this same boy will gather all the friends and run away together and leave my son out. He has done this to two of the other boys at different times also (according to my son). My son has been very depressed; is there anything I can do?

Answer 1

I am going through this with my son too. I went to the teacher. This is the best thing. This kid is on a power trip and will enjoying what he is doing and nothing your son does will help. If you get no where with the teacher then move on to the principal. I would love to go smack this kid in the mouth for the damage he has done to my son but ....

Answer 2

My daughter is 10 and we have been going through this with her this year with her former best friend.  The two girls had grown up together and were inseperable and then this year they were inseperate classes and the other girl made friends with a girl who didnt want my daughter around.  the friend would go to the other girls house after school and only had time for my daughter when her new friend was busy or couldnt play.  I encouraged my daughter to start making other friends with the girls in her class and slowly she did to the point our phone was always ringing and she had friends around all the time.  when her friend saw this she wanted to be part of the group, she felt left out and thankfully my daughter was a big enough person she welcomed her back into the group.

It is hard to see your child hurting because of a friend but it is all part of childhood and something everychild will go through.  Just explain to your son that we all change and just because right now the boy is acting the way he does doesnt mean he wont be back around but that this is the perfect opportunity for him to find other friends and hang out.

Answer 3

How terrible!! I agree that he should branch out and make some new friends. That will cause his other friends to question why, and maybe give him an opportunity to explain to them that he wants friends who act like friends should, not jerks. Do you know the other kids parents? I don't know if talking to them, and them in turn talking to him would make it worse. I know my son's friends, are usually my friends also, so I could definitely talk to them and it would be handled. I hope someone can stop the other boy from bullying before it turns into anything more.

My son once was left out on a playground... random kids. It hurt his feelings really bad. It took a couple of days, of me reminding him how awesome he is for him to really bounce back. He hadn't experienced rejection before, so it was a really big deal. It may be the same with your son. Remind him of all the things that make him special!!

Answer 4

just like adults, friends come & go in our lives.  your son is going thru many changes -including hormonal ones.  encourage him to focus more on himself and things that interest him.

Answer 5

I went through this in 5th grade to... ut first off thank you for doing something about it, my parents told me to figure it out for myself, which then not kidding lead to me fighting the "leader" we hammered on eachother for 5 minutes until recess was over, it split the group in-half, then we moved onto middle school and basically it was like 2 armys mine vrs. his... we got in fist fights, stick fights, rock fights, ect... Honnestly looking back on it we were like gang lords, ordering out hits ect... anyways after getting suspended many times we made peace, and started working together making money off other people... by 8th grade having well over $1000 stuffed in a shoe box under my bed he moved. and we never talked again. So basically im trying to tell you to have him go out and look for new friends, there will always be someone looking for a new friend, who knows he may become bestfriends with the next bill gates.

Answer 6

I've seen this before. I think it is because your son is essentially being usurped as ringleader of the group by his friend. His friend wants to be in control of the group and sees your son as a threat to his goal. Happened alot with small street gangs forming down my block back in the day. Take 2 friends, throw in some more friends and now it is a power struggle to be alpha male. Kinda like in the animal kindom. My suggestion for your son is to have him go make a new group of friends. His other friend may see he is doing fine without him and will probably try to reconcile. And since your son is involved in sports, it wont be hard to make more friends.

Just my 2 pennies ;)