My 10 yr old son just wont take lifre seriously! He leaves homework at school and misses his bus on purpose?

Question

I have tried taking his favorite things away (video games), grounding him, time out, crying, talking it through. One minute I think he cant help the next I see him doing something that screams he knows what he is doing!

Yesterday he let himself into our next door neighbours house with his friend and the played his giutar and pulled stuff out of drawers, I was busy with the 8month old baby so didnt see them go in but I heard the guitar and I knew the neibour wasnt home, so I marched over there and when I got angry with him he burst into tears and said he didnt know that he wasnt allowed!!!!!

I am tuff with him im no push over beleive me.

He has ADD but his behaviour is so much better than it used to be ( biting kids) he is not violent anymore and is improving his academics. His doctor is happy with him in that regard but he can do alot better than he is in my opinion.

lost

Answer 1

How serious can a 10 year old child with ADD be about life? Give him a break...he's just a kid. I'm a girl and I was MUCH worse at 10 but I grew out of it and so will he.

Answer 2

He's been diagnosed with ADD...I assume he is being treated with medication...so the ADD is not an excuse nor reason for his behavior...You say you are tough on this child what does that mean?  If he isn't responding to all of the so-called new ways of discipline...have you tried warming his little tail-end up????!!!Works Wonders!!!! He's playing you!!!He knows exactly what he can get away with!!!

Answer 3

He is only 10, and most 10 year olds don't take life seriously!  Just relax, soon enough he will be taking life seriously and the joy of being a child will disappear!

Answer 4

Curing him from missing his bus is easy - here's what I did:  tell him the next time he misses his bus you will drive him to school and hold his hand as you walk him to his seat.  I promise he won't want to be embarrassed in front of his classmates and won't let it happen a second time!!  

He sounds as if he is using his diagnosis to get by with things and to see how many of your buttons he can push.  Let him know that if he doesn't complete his schoolwork he will have to repeat his current grade next year.  Then require homework to show up at home and be completed or no video games, computer, TV or friends that evening.  Be sure to praise him for each task he does do properly.  If you continue to give more praise for good choices and clear consequences with no lectures for the bad choices he will discover that he gets more attention for the good choices and he will work harder in that direction.

Good luck and God bless you

Answer 5

look into 'executive dysfunction'  my daughter has this and sounds similiar to your child. It is VERY frustrating and the child is NOT doing these things on purpose!!

Answer 6

please, there have been add kds for centuries. Most just didn't know they had the condition an you know what their mother did. They still beat their children's a!ss until they got it all straightened out.

Don't waste time on therepy, drugs, or counsling. Just whip his butt. Thats what any parents would do :)

-Good Luck

Answer 7

Don't try to control him,  you will not win.

because there is nothing to win.

Instead make him responsible for his own life.

Your job is to prepare him for life. Show by example.

Praise him alot, make him feel good about himself. invalidation does not help. if you yell at him, you teach him to yell. so do not yell at him. but ask him in a controled voice. putting it all on him. if you expect an apology from him, tell him do not apologize to me, apologize to your self.

let him decide for himself that he should do his homework. that it is he  that fails.  let him choose his own success or own failier. it is his life. he has to learn and realize on his own that he needs to live with integrity.

Answer 8

Take away any form of fun he has. Video games,Friends,tv. ANYTHING HE LIKES DOING FOR FUN TAKE IT AWAY! Then after you take it away dont talk to him about it at all until hes ready to do something about it. Tell teachers to stay on him about his school work. And just things like that.

Answer 9

maybe he just wants attention?

Answer 10

It sounds like you're using behavior management but it's really not working.  So far it's been negative (taking things & privileges away); how does it work when it's positive behavior management?  Like he earns a privilege or hours of video games  or things that he wants?

He's using the tears because he thinks it will work.  He knew he isn't to be messing up the neighbors' home.

Good luck!!

Answer 11

im sure its probably a phase hes going through. im only 13, but i remember when i was 10, i wanted to be like other kids and do the stuff THEY do. so maybe the people he hangs around with is putting ideas into his head? its just my opinion, but i dont think youd want to listen to a kid like me

Answer 12

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/...

http://life.familyeducation.com/behavior...

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/1...

http://www.parenting.com

http://www.parenting.org

^^read those, and talk to someone who is professionally able to handle the situation. whether it be a pediatrition, physcologist, or a teacher AID, someone that would know from experience to help you.

Answer 13

dont blame him i use to do the same.

Answer 14

Nothing.

Answer 15

its a tough age,  My daughter has at least 2 hour homework a night.  Somewhat ridiculous.  It will only get worse if you don't set him on a schedule now !!!!

As soon as he gets home from school, let him eat after school healthy snack.

then must do all homework.  Be sure to keep a open communication with teachers so you know the homework.

Then Maybe you should put him in a sport or activity to keep him busy and get out his energy.  My daughter is in dance and soccer.  my sons are in hockey  But they play for college teams now....  Just keep a schedule and stick with it ... Good luck !!

Answer 16

Spank him

Answer 17

Number his "letting himself in" to a neighbor's home is called breaking and entering and is against the law.  You are lucky your neighbor didn't call the police, if it were me I certainly would.  You're going to have to learn to not be too busy to keep an eye on your son unless you want to be bailing him out of jail and getting sued until you are homeless.  As for his leaving his homework at school.  It is HIS homework, so it is HIS responsiblity.  If he doesn't do it he won't be graded on it and he will fail.  If he misses the bus on purpose I would make him walk to school.  Or if he didn't get ready for school on time I would send him out the door in his pjs.  I've had to send my two older girls to school in their pjs, once was all it took, they don't like being teased by their peers.

Answer 18

Drive him to school yourself. If you're home there is no reason why he should be catching the bus -- especially if he is having problems like this. Walk him into his classroom and be back five minutes before the last bell rings so that you can go over his homework with him and make sure he brings it home. This is your responsibility as a parent! With any luck, he'll be so embarrassed that you have to treat him like a baby, he'll shape up on his own and start catching the bus and remembering his homework on his own. But if he doesn't, get off Y!A and start being a parent.

Answer 19

Watch out! He might be a hidden genius. Those people wouldn´t take the evreryday trivia for serious.

Answer 20

I was your son in the 90's.  I would do the exact same things to try to avoid the "normalness" of school.  I really believe that it is completely internal.  I had to realize myself that I wanted to go to college and be financially stable to make me motivated to be "normal".  This is probably why any sort of discipline has failed.  It is not rooted in the fact that he won't take responsibility, but rooted in the fact that he is not doing as told.  "Do what I say, and don't question why" is simply not going to work.  I think you should somehow, depending on the individual child, connect that school leads to education, education leads to whatever they want in their future.  Parenting is rough, and you seem to be doing a great job from the little exerpt above.  There is not ever a "right" answer, so this is just a suggestion.

Answer 21

I feel like he knows exactly what he's doing.  When you take things away from him, how long is it for?  Don't do it for a week or so, do it indefinitely until he proves to you that he is going to straighten up.  Don't let him go out and play with his friends or anything.  Make him stay in the house and do chores.  You say your firm, but you're obviously not firm enough.  He knows he has  you over a barrel because you have the baby to take care of.  He's only going to get away with as much as you let him.  You better get a handle on it now or it will only get worse.  Don't use the ADD as an excuse for everything.  It's a condition of not being able to pay attention and concentrate.... not one of disobeying your mom!

Answer 22

Let the boy live!

Answer 23

He "let himself in" to the neighbor's house?  And he didn't know that was wrong?

I didn't read anything about the consequences of that little action - did he have to apologize to the neighbor? Clean up the mess he made?

As for the homework left behind, aren't there consequences for that?  I drove my daughter back to school and got her homework, but she paid $1 for gas and had to do extra chores to "repay" me for my time.

Answer 24

blister dat a**.

Answer 25

Try embarrassment. Stop by his class and remind him to bring home his homework.

I used to miss the bus on purpose as a kid. My dad through me in his beat up old mail jeep that he bought for 50 bucks. Drove me up to school beep and letting out "yee-haws". I was so embarrassed I  never missed the bus again!!

Answer 26

This is the problem with America we create excusses for everything. ADD is an excuse. You are giving him a way out. My friend had it. He was better off without medication cause the meds made him very emotional. He needs a spanking.