My 11 year old Just came back from a friends house..?

Question

My son was invited to his friends house for a movie, at the theaters. There was 2 other boys there,who my son knows very well. We've known the child & parents for 6/7 years and she treats him like he's his second son.As told by my son, when they were ordering tickets & snacks, The mother asked my son " Where's your money?" My son had no money, i figured since i knew his mother very well she'd pay for him, because the movie theater is only about 4/5 dollars a ticket and cheep for soda & snacks. My son was embarresed and said " I'm sorry. I didn't bring any, I thought you'd pay for me." So the mother got all pissed, and sighed. She said " Next time, tell your mother loan you 10 dollars." My son is upset and figured it was his fault? Is this his fault? What can i do?

Answer 1

It is NOT his fault! i remember when i was that age and a lot things would slip my mind because i wanted to go & have fun but if your son's friend's mom considers him a second son and she reacted that way i think she doesn't really mean that. I would never let a son of mine forget his money because it ruins my reputation and people won't want their children around mine but its okay your son shouldn't be punished or me sad because he wanted to have and hey your just a kid thas what every kid wants. TO HAVE FUN:] don't worry about it(:    :)

Answer 2

It's not his fault, but rather a miscommunication between you and his friend's mother. Even though she invited him to come, unless she said "it's on me" or "my treat", you shouldn't assume that she would pay for him. You should always send some money with your son, and if she offers to pay, great, but if not, then he still has money to get it. When I was a kid and got invited places, sometimes the parents would pay for me and sometimes I was expected to pay for myself. But they always made sure to tell my parents ahead of time, which is what this lady should have done for you too.

Answer 3

h**l no it's not his fault, it is YOUR fault.  I would never send my child to go to the movies with someone else without any money.   How RUDE of you.

Answer 4

really you shouldnt have let him go out with no money but she shouldnt have told him that and its not his fault people forget all the time she should have just said sure and paid for him

Answer 5

Well in future you should give him some money, but I guess having read over the other answers we already know that!!

My comment is, that the woman should have known better than to embarrass your son!! I would hope that someone would treat my child with more compassion!

My suggestion is that you make a point of going to her and thanking her for loaning your son the cost of the ticket and insist that you pay her back. Be as friendly as possible and hopefully she will feel like a fool for making such a big deal, and embarrassing your poor son.

Answer 6

Now, if your kids are as close as you say, I'd assume that you pay for their child too... just appologise to her... and insist (even overly so) that you pay her back.

Generally when you invite someone, you're saying you'll pay. I can't imagine inviting someone and then asking for money. Unless it's mentioned before that you need to pay, I would have made the same mistake. But make sure you explain to your son that it was just a misunderstanding. I can only imagine he must have felt terrible.

Answer 7

When my sons go to the movies with their grandfather, friends, aunts, church, etc.  . . I always give money! To assume that someone else will pick up my child's tab has never been a thought.  There has been a time or two when I don't have the money and will send my child with a bag of gummie worms or something. . . (oops! is that against movie policy - LOL).

She was tacky to put your son on the spot.

But you were tacky not to send him with money.

Answer 8

What would have happened if she didn't say anything to your son?

She would have dished out an extra $10 for your kid. And like you said, since you figured you knew them so well you figured she'd pay for him. If she does, she'll just reinforce your thinking and you'll probably expect her to pay for him every time she takes the kids out.

You're not a very good friend. It's not her responsibility to foot the bill for your child. No one likes it when someone takes advantage of their kindness just because "well we're friends". There were 2 other boys there, was she supposed to pay for all of them too? When you and their mothers go out, does the person who arranged the get together pay for everything? I know it was just the movies, but contrary to your thinking, soda and snack are not cheap. You should be more considerate to your friends; if the trend continues you might find your son no longer being invited to outings with the other kids. And it'll be your fault.

Answer 9

It is not your son's fault, but anytime you send your son with someone who is not a family member, be sure he has money to pay. If not, the person who takes him and has to pay will feel like you are using them. I know they like your son like he is theirs, but he is not theirs. Just ask yourself how you would feel if you took their son to the movies and they expected you to pay for him.

Answer 10

Unless it is with family my kids NEVER go out without $$$ to pay for themselves. I would NEVER want that reputation in town -- if you get that reputation parents will not allow their kids to be invited along. I do not buy that the mother considers your son her second son since she reacted that way.

In fact I find it a bit abnormal that ANY other parent would consider YOUR child to be a second son to them -- even if it is all in friendly fun. If any parent EVER said that about one of MY children I would seriously question how I am neglecting my children and why my kid is always over there and not at home with me.

I was raised to be always the giver never the taker. Yes -- we have my 12 year old`s best friend overnight and sometimes we take the best friend along to the cheap theatre whatever but I insist my daughter ALWAYS pay for herself when she goes to the movie with the friend`s family. Also we pick up the best friend when she comes over to our house AND we pick up and drop off our own daughter when she goes anywhere.

So...sorry you had a little slip up there. I think you should assure your son it is your fault not his and call the mom to apologize.

Answer 11

It is really neither of your faults she should of told you so if you didn't know who was paying what are you supposed to do  next time just in case give him a little

Answer 12

Honestly, this is ridiculous. Do you ever take this child out when he is with you? Do you pay his way? Does this other mom usually pay for your son when they take him out?

I think this is truly a miscommunication.  I don't think we have the full story based on the questions that I asked above.  When my kids invite a friend to go out, I pay for the child.  I invited them so I pay.  If it is a close friend, but I can't afford to pay for the child, I would open my mouth to the parent before inviting the child.  I would simply say: we are going to the movies and "Joe" really wants to go, and we would love for him to come, however, I just don't have the funds for it.  If you are willing to throw in a couple of bucks, I will take him.

I am appalled that this mother yelled at this child.  Everyone has agreed that it was NOT his fault so why is it okay for this woman to speak to him this way.

My advice: apologize to the mother, give her the lousy $10.00 and then from here on out, always make sure you son has money when he is invited to go out with them.  Teach your son that even if they offer to pay they HE MUST use his own money.  This way there is no other miscommunications.

Lastly, after apologizing to her, wait for her apology for speaking to your son the way she did.  If she does not apologize, then she is not really your friend.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 13

I kinda think you should of gave him money.  are you sure the movies are cheap  I went today with my brother and payed $ 25 on just One soda and Two ticktes.

One question did you pay her back

Answer 14

It's your fault, actually.  You can't just assume that the woman is okay with paying for your son.  You should've given him money to pay for himself since he is your responsibility.  Tell your son that the woman is not mad at him, but she's upset with you because you didn't give him his own money for the movies.  Simple as that.

Answer 15

Generally when my step daugher is invited out somewhere we give her money so the otehr paretns are not responsible for paying for her.

But she should ahve taken that up wth you, not your son!

Answer 16

Its not his fault. If she invited him to go the movies with them, unless she mentioned money, she should pay. Its a courtesy thing. Unless she was taking to dinner at a 20$ a dish restaurant, they pay.

Answer 17

It's not his fault but it's yours. You should have sent money with your son, your son not hers, she was taking them but you just said there were two other boys also, did you think she was going to pay for the other boys also, as a mom you should have known that your son needed some money, your friend had every right to be upset I would have been!

Answer 18

omg that is sooo rude of her!

Answer 19

It's not his fault..it is your fault for assuming someone else would pay for your child.  Never assume that.  I always give my child money when going to a place where things cost money.  Sometimes they spend it and sometimes other parents will tell them to put their money away and they buy for them.

Answer 20

It wasn't his fault.  Really you should of giving him some money just in case since you knew where he was going.  I know she invited him without mentioning weather or not she was paying.  Just in case send him with money.

Answer 21

This is why assuming things are bad.  This was sorta your fault, you should never assume someone is going to pay your way for your child unless they actually say they are going to.  Apologize to him and say you are sorry that he was embarrassed and next time he'll have money.  Call the other parent and fess up your mistake as well and move on from it.

Answer 22

What can you do??? You can apologize to the mother for misunderstanding the invitation and pay her back. Never assume anything without getting the info straight from the "horse's mouth". And shame on you to think that $4-5 plus snacks each is cheap for someone to provide for four children. If she treats him like one of her own, then he's probably at her house all the time, which could be considered an imposition. Be sure her boy is under your feet as often.

Then apologize to your son for not getting the info you needed before he left.

Answer 23

I personally pay when I invite, however when one of my girls are invited somewhere I ALWAYS send money with them. Its just to show the other parent that I am thankful for their taking the children, and most of the time they don't accept the money from my girls , but at least the girls have the money to offer. I do like the answer that someone gave you about giving the money back to the woman and tell her "thanks for loaning my son the money, he just felt awful that he didn't have it to give to you when you asked for it , my apologies" this way she will feel like a total fool and you weren't being rude just apologetic lol

Answer 24

no.. its not his fault....how could u interpret this to be his fault at all??

its really your fault, you shouldnt just assume that she will pay for your son. your kid, you pay. next time, have him bring money. if she wants to pay for him she will, and if she doesnt then he will have money and not be embarrassed.

Answer 25

It's not his fault, but you should not have automatically assumed that she would pay for snacks, next time ask her if he should bring money.

Answer 26

I don't agree with everyone else. I think when you invite someone, you are saying I will pay. What is the point in asking if he wants to go and then expecting him to pay? That is like a guy asking a girl out on a date and then saying "Where's your money?"

Answer 27

hmmm....that does seem like a predicament.

i would talk to the mother if IIIIII were you.

Answer 28

omg thats not his fault. just explain to him that there was a mistake. next time just give him some money just incase.