My 11 year old gets furious when her dad and I go out!!! Help!

Question

We hardly ever go ANYWHERE!!! Not even once a month! BUT, when we do, my 11 year old daughter FLIPS OUT!! It makes me soooo sad that I can't even enjoy myself a lil! We are good people and great parents we deserve it!! HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

OMG take her with you? Sorry I had to comment on MAN WITH NO NAME... Not dating her dad? UHHH ok- so what you supposed to do friggin MAKE LOVE with her in the bed because you aren't "dating" your husband!?!  

My solution really is:  Don't give in- Make it a point to take 1 day a month- BUT i would leave her somewhere "fun" whenever possible (hint hint a cool aunt's house?) That way child looks foward to a "KIDS NIGHT OUT" without parents (maybe staying with gramma is kinda like staying with parents, so no fun to look foward to there)

Answer 2

Oh my!

That's bad, anyway, try talking to her. Do you know why she gets so furious? Explain to her that Moms and dads like a little time on there own every once and a while. Last of all, try to work something out like maybe you go out with your husband and maybe she can hang out with some friends while your gone. Don't let your daughter control you, let her know that you are the boss and if you wanna go out you can

Answer 3

make her understand your feelings...tell her that you need to go out and have fun...if she is still upset..tell her that if you cant go out once in a while and have fun..then she cant either..that might just make her loosen up a little and stop being a brat.

Answer 4

Take her with you, you are a family..

You're not dating her dad..

A Family that plays together..  stays together.

Answer 5

I used to be the same way.  It was because my parents were nose to the grindstone, child first people that I went into an absolute rage that they were going to dare do something better than I was that night.

I'd calmly tell her that it's unfair her to act that way and she knows it.  I'd also let her do something fun on the evening so she doesn't mope at home plotting revenge.

Answer 6

if you are such great parents why do you allow an 11 yr old tantrum throwing child to rule your world ???

I'd smack her a**, tell her to stop and then leave her with a sitter...YOU ARE THE PARENT HERE...act like one.

Answer 7

Don't let her know that she gets to you. If she gets the attention she is looking for when she throws the tantrums then just like a 2 year old she will continue. Don't let her do something that she wants when she throws a fit when you try for alone times with your "Honey". Let her know who the mom is. Maybe set up a sleep over with a friend or grandma.

You deserve time to yourself. Don't let her fits get to you.

Good Luck. HAve Fun

Answer 8

try and have her hang at a friends house for the night or something. keepin her occupied with her friends would probably make her happy

Answer 9

You can't fix it unless you know why she's acting this way. It may be that she is just experiencing a lot of hormonal changes right now, or it may be that you're unintentionally hurting her somehow. I would wait a week or two after a date and then take your daughter to do something fun (something that SHE will find fun), just the two of you. Make sure that your special time together isn't connected in her mind with the fighting that's been going on. If she wants to talk, listen quietly and ask questions. If she doesn't seem interested in talking, just follow her cue. She may just need some extra love and support right now while she deals with body image issues and all the other things that come as part of being a p*****n. Make sure she gets some quality one-on-one time with her dad as well, and try doing some stuff as a family and see what happens. You may find that the bad behavior resolves by itself with a little extra TLC, or you may find out that she's trying to communicate an underlying problem.

Whatever is going on, you can't let your child stand between you and your husband. Do your best to listen and be understanding as your daughter is at a very difficult stage developmentally, but don't be afraid to let her know that you and your husband love each other and need to spend time together alone on a regular basis.  

Answer 10

You do deserve it!

Maybe you should start going out more often?

It sounds like a bit of separation anxiety.

One other thought - just a thought - do you use a babysitter?

Is it a male? Do you trust him? Just putting it out there due to my own previous experiences and inability to let my parents know what was going on. Instead I just got mad at them any time they left.

Answer 11

I am assuming this is your only child?  

If she is freaking out because you leave her for one night it is pretty clear that she has developed a dependence on you.  She resents any change in her routine and feels somewhat abandoned when you leave.

Your child is lacking a sense of independence.  She does not think that she can survive with out you or your husband there.

At 11 years old, she is old enough to learn that she might have to deal with some things on her own.  

You can help her to get to that point by encouraging her that for some things she does not need you.

Answer 12

YOU NEED TO START LEAVING HER!!!!!!

I had a cousin once and she was like that and didnt grow out of it till the age of 16!!!!!

You need to go out, maybe you should tell her that everyhtings going to be ok, she could just be worried about you.

But Stop being so d**n soft!!!

I no you love our child

but trust me if shes anything like my cousin used to be then you will want to hear this advice

Answer 13

It seems like you spoil her, good parents won't let a 11 year old rule their lives, and what type of fregen 11 year old would cry about that? You need to teach her discipline, you say your good people but, maybe your too good and don't want to lay a hand on your child, but you have to or they will push you around when there older and do whatever they want and next thing you know she'll be 14 with a baby.  

Answer 14

well wen u say flip out what do you mean by tht? like an insecuraty problem where she misses u or what? if so e-mail me at [e-mail] and ill help u out

Answer 15

What do you do about it? If you've been trying to placate her and make her feel better, don't. Next time she starts up, put on your sharpest voice and say "Your dad and I have every right to go out. Your behaviour is disgusting and I expect an apology when I get home tonight. Now get out of my sight until you are ready to behave." If she starts up, arch your eyebrows and say "Are you ready to apologise?" If she isn't, tell her to get out of sight until she is ready. Don't buckle if she starts crying. Her behaviour is disgusting and she's old enough to know it. Go out anyway, vent to your husband and when it's all out of your system, have a good time. Do not let your daughter know she's spoilt your evening in any way. When you get home, expect an apology and make sure you get one. Sincerity is not necessary, but the words are.

Answer 16

She probably has a fear of abandonment.  I use to have this problem and now I'm 21 and I get very scared and sick when people I love/trust leave me alone for fear something may happen or they will abandon me in some way.  I see a psychiatrist and it's called borderline personality disorder.  I wouldn't recommend a psychiatrist right away, but I would recommend talking with a psychologist or social worker to get down to the bottom of her fears, this will help calm her down.  

If you have any questions or would like to talk about this more, feel free to email me [e-mail].  

I wish somebody could of helped me out sooner.

Answer 17

you do deserve it! the reason she does this is she sees you as someone whos there to cater to her and do nothing the doesnt involve her. she seems spoiled and i think what you guys have to do to brake her from it is go out more.

Answer 18

call nanny 911!  

Answer 19

slap her

Answer 20

tell her you'll take her out to and u and her can spend time together to

Answer 21

you deserve your time out!

just ignore her... she will realize that it doesn't bother you and she'll stop.

Answer 22

I used to do that, but I had grown out of it way before 11. Just keep going out and enjoy yourself! She is just spoiled because of how loved she is. Leave her with a sitter she likes and enjoys or even with a friend from school. She should grow out of it.

And don't let idiots on here tell you that you are a bad parent. They are probably not parents and can not fully understand you predicament. Its touching that you care so much about your child's feelings.

Answer 23

I went through that stage too. My mom would just tell me that she works hard and she deserves some time with her friends. And she also said I get to hang out with my friends why can't she hang out with hers.

Hope I helped!

Answer 24

Tell her exactly that, you do deserve it. Maybe she just don't wanna be left out. Maybe she could have a friend come over and watch movies or something so she'll feel better.  

Answer 25

keep going out and dont worry about her she needs to get use to it, 11 is older enough to start feeling somewhat independent. if you stay home just because she flips out, she gets all the control and you'll never have any adult time.