My 11 year old. should i ground her?

Question

SHE SHAVED HER LEGS. we were supposed to do that together in 6th grade(next september). she tries to grow up too fast. i dont want her to be like her freinds, yet. you know, its not that shaving her legs is even a big deal. i guess i could havwe showed her early. its that i expressly told her several times when she asked that she could not shave her legs yet. the issue is disobediance, and disregaurd. oh and lying....

the penalty? i dont know, what do you think?

Answer 1

no dont ground her she's 11 its older then you think. its hard being 11 fitting in makes it easier not to be bullied. may be she just wanted to avoid being teased.

Answer 2

I don't think what she did was serious enough for grounding. I think when they get in trouble for something like this, they tend to go behind their mothers back even more. The best thing to do is talk to her. Tell her that it was something you were looking forward to doing together. And that it really hurt your feelings that she went ahead and did it without you. Explain to her that it's a mother/daughter milestone and you really wanted to do it with her. This way, she thinks about your feelings next time.

Answer 3

It's her legs she's 11 year olds she knows already how to do it. There is no point in waiting for her to get to a certain date such as starting 6th grade if she's already got hair on her legs. I honestly think you need a reality check she's growing up she's no longer a little girl anymore.

Answer 4

Did she ask why not, if so did you answer the question earnestly (not the standard parental because I said so) you know really express the reason.

If not then maybe she is not entirely to blame because teenagers tend to believe that they are old enough to begin making decisions for themselves.  Though she is not yet a teenager she is very close and females tend to mature, both emotionaly and physicaly,faster than do males.

I do not think it is good for parents to not explain their reasons for the rules they make, to me it seems to teach younger people to not ask valid questions and often it is only done because the parents simply do not take the time to actualy look at the reasons for the rules they set enough to give a full answer to that always present question "why not?".

Could it be that the only reason is that you do not want your child to age before you are ready?

That is not to say that you should not express your disapointment and impose consequences for direct disobeadence, but I would be inclined to suggest that if you did not fully explain the reason why (like for instances you might not want your child to be worring about physical aesthetic appeal at such an early age because you feel that if you encouraged it than it may lead to hasty decisions about even more adult choices) Sorry I am kinda rambling here, any way my point is if you can not explain why if your child asks then is it fair to expect them to not disobey because they possibly feel that you are simply being unreasonable with out consideration of their feelings.

I think such issues can be avoided if you explain yourself and also when that pesky question "why are you punishing me?" comes up you can fall back on those explainations.

You see when you tell your child they must follow a rule you make and then explain the why to them and provide them the oprotunity to bring up objections before they disobey (hopefuly the would agree with your explainations as to why)

Then they disobey your athority on the matter later, you then have the oprotunity to teach them another valuable lesson in life, how to be accountable and responsible for their own actions when they make poor choices, because you have shown them why the choice was poor before hand this way they learn that they should expect unwanted consequences when they do not fully consider the choices they make.

Back to the point, yes you should punish her because by now she knows that lying is wrong, but if you did not explain why you did not want her to shave her legs then the lying is the only thing I think you should punish her for.

Good luck.

Answer 5

she probably just feels self conscious. too many kids are growing up fast these days, and putting pressure on the rest of the kids to grow up too.

do many girls in her class shave their legs?

i think the real issue here is peer pressure. instead of grounding her, just help her understand that a lot of the time "cool" isn't the best option.

Answer 6

honestly, there is nothing you can do. She is going to be made fun of at school. I have 2 daughters and have let them shave soon as they started puberty. She could be doing worse. I believe being open and honest is the best, but always be the parent not the friend. Shaving? No big deal, at least she isn't getting piercings from friends of friends...thats whats going on where I live. Kids piercing eachothers body parts, then getting severe infections and such....the more you say no and have no reason, the more they are going to rebel. My oldest is 17 my youngest is 12.

Good Luck

Answer 7

making her get permission for shaving her legs is stupid

i never asked as u shoudl have to

its nto like she went n got a belly ring

its her leg hair

it is embarrasing to have n u start to get made fun of

DONT punish her

Answer 8

11 is about the age most girls start doing that if they need to.

Most girls, too, wouldn't want anyone else involved in the business of shaving their legs.  It's a personal thing.

Sometimes when parents overstep bounds or try to have more control than - really - they ought to have kids will disobey because there's something about feeling someone is "smothering" or "violating" or"overstepping" that is enough to make any kid find a way to assert their autonomy.

I think you should tell her she shouldn't have felt as if she had to lie because now you realize that maybe you shouldn't have thought you should be involved with her personal business.

I think you should tell her that while you're not happy with her not listening to you, you do understand why she did what she wanted to do - and then let it go.

She probably feels rotten about the whole business, herself, but when kids are faced with what's "so important" to them and what their parent wants, sometimes it can be hard for them to put their parents' wishes first.   After all, it's just "too important" to them.

Answer 9

Why was the razor out where she could find it?  Put it away.

Maybe a light punishment, like extra chores for a few days is in order for disobedience.

Answer 10

In my opinion, I don't think you should punish her too much.  I understand she disobeyed you, and that's something you'll need to talk to her about.  Explain to her that you're disappointed that she did what she did without you.  Hopefully she will understand.  If you get all worked up about it, and punish her severely, it will make her want to go behind your back even more.  Try to encourage open conversation with her, and let her continue, if she feels that she is ready.  Kids making their own decisions here is important.  It makes them feel as though they are also part of the decision making, and assists them in trusting you for other things like this.  All kids are different.  I personally didn't start shaving until I was in grade nine.  But that was my choice.  Mum made it perfectly clear to me that she was okay with me doing so, but I didn't feel ready until that time.  On the other hand, my neighbour's child began shaving at ten.  In conclusion, I reckon just chat with her about it, and request you be involved with the decision making in future. =]

Answer 11

no penalty,  just express disappointment that she did something so important without telling you. then, she will naturally feel bad (all kids do when their moms tell them that they are disappointed). and tell her that next time, she should tell mom what she is going todo.

Answer 12

you could ask her why she shaved her legs early and try to take to heart what she's saying.

maybe she's really eager to grow up--that can have some risky consequences if that enthusiasm isn't appropriately channeled, and it makes sense that her mother would worry about that. help her understand what womanhood means to you.

or maybe she was embarrassed because most of her friends already shave their legs. My mother didn't "let" me shave my legs officially until highschool. I resented her for that because I thought (and still think) she was trying to control me.

point there is that punishing her isn't going to make her respect you more. if she felt embarrassed, it's not unlikely that she associates you with the source of that embarrassment (even if your concerns and not wanting her to start shaving until 6th grade are TOTALLY REASONABLE--and I think they are). To punish her for shaving in that case is also punishing her for trying to protect herself from embarrassment. And I know first hand the kind of damage that sort of parenting does long-term.

I'm not telling you that "you shouldn't punish your daughter" because you can't do a don't. I am asking you to approach the issue in a way that, in my experience, is more effective. That is talking and trying to understand the root of her behavior: usually it's an emotional need that's not being met in some way, for instance, the need to fit in with friends.

Encouragement is an extremely effective tool. If your daughter behaves in a way that you appreciate, encourage her, and if she behaves in a way that disrespects your role as the parent, encourage her to behave differently. Punishing your daughter won't make her trust you, but talking to her will.

Tell her you need her respect and trust, and that you appreciate it when she takes your advice, and that you feel hurt when she doesn't. Opening up to her and showing that kind of vulnerability doesn't make you look weak, but it will model for her how to have a meaningful relationship with someone. Be the mother your daughter deserves, and the kind of woman you want her to be.

Thanks for listening and I hope you take it to heart. Good luck!

Answer 13

take the razors away.  What punishment do you usually use?  Your punishments should be consistant so she knows what would be coming when she disobeys.  You can take away the computer, video games, etc. and when you do it, do NOT give in.  Give the punishment a time limit and stick to your guns.

Answer 14

minor penalty. also, wait a week or so and invite her to shave her legs with you. you were gonna do it anyway. it's just a little sooner.

Answer 15

Don't ground her just give her extra chores. Make it clear to her that when she starts to shave regularly she will hate it. If you really don't want her to start shaving just hide the razors.