My 11 year old son is intollerable, what can I do?

Question

So here goes. My older son is 11 (younger is 8). He's diagnosed ADHD, but is on medication and was doing quite well for a long time. Lately, his attitude is driving me up the wall! He's got a total lack of respect for authority (parents, teachers). Every time I tell him to do something, he cops and attitude. He's swearing up and down. I've grounded him, completely removed ALL video games and his television from his room until his next report card. He's in special education classes, and is STILL failing, not because he can't do the work, but because he REFUSES to do the work! He lies and tells me he has no homework, which I've nipped in the butt by requiring him to write down his homework, and having the teachers sign it! He's got chores that are to be done every day, and every day its a battle and slowly brewing into a household WAR! He's constantly punching his brother, dropkicking him, cursing at him!

continued

Answer 1

i have a little brother with ADHD and he is also very calm like your son used to be. he might be acting that way maybe because he's trying a new medication? my little bro acts like that for about a week when he starts new med. and then he calms down. maybe all of a sudden that prescription might be a little strong for him. its not good to have to strong med. or even too little med. make sure he doesnt need a HIGHER med. by taking him for a checkup with his regular doctor, then the doctor might try him on new med. thats higher. it might be he needs a higher med. i hope this helps! leave an additional question for more!

Answer 2

He is becoming a teenager !  Stand your ground! You did not mention if he has a male role model in his life that he looks up to. Maybe some out side intervention ,counselling ,a big brother.

Answer 3

1) Acquire big burlap potato sack

2) Insert son

3) Insert various rocks

4) Tie sack

5) Heave over bridge.

6) Run

7) What son?

Answer 4

SPANK HIM!!!!

He doesnt sound like someone with ADHD. He sounds more like he's bipolar.

There is nothing wrong with spanking your kids..in fact the bible tell you that you SHOULD! If you spare the rod then you spoil the child.

Answer 5

It sounds like your son has an anger management problem, among other things. Has he been tested for learning diabilities, like vision disabilities or dyslexia? You mentioned that he's in special ed classes - why? Is it because he isn't performing at the normal level or is it because he's been diagnosed with disabilities?

You might want to do some research on angry children. I've read about kids that react violently because they have an inflexibility problem.

Check out this website for some tips: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061700...

Answer 6

As kids change their meds need to change, that is why for kids Ritalin calms them down for teens and adults it is an "upper" it keeps them up for hours! If he is reaching puberty (hate to think it at 11) BUT as his chemicals in his body change his meds have to change too.

I also have a 10 year old who has been diagnosed with adhd, and reactive attachment disorder, a GREAT book for the kid to read is "how to take the grrr out of anger" I don't know who wrote it but they also have a "dude that's rude" and a few others after my son read it her told his principal at school it changed his life! It is written for this age group geared more towards boys, a little bathroom humor, I would say PERFECT for 3rd to 7th grade.

Good luck and take a DEEP breath, it will get better and you can get through this.

Answer 7

Are you loving him enough? While maybe you're punishing him for bad behavior it could be making it worse. Try being softer on him and see what happens. If this doesn't work talk to a doctor about it. He could be upset about something and coosing not to tell you though too :(

Answer 8

Someone told me today that changing the diet to

no sugar

no wheat

no dairy

will show an improvement, that some moms swear by it. I'm going to give it a 2 week try just to see anyhow, it might help you.

Just don't lose your patience, keep calm because that rubs off on him. Right now he probably sees it like I'm already grounded... what else can she do to me if I act up? Well, you have to solve that because he's grounded and still acting up. Add to his daily chores if you have to. Also, asking nicely helps they love to hear "Will you please go finish your chores?" so dont just get mad when you see them not done the 1st time, try to be nice first, but then if he still hasn't done them write something else down for him to do.

Answer 9

It is quite possible that your son needs a medication review.  Sometimes, as children get older, grow etc.  they "outgrow" their medication.  Talk to your pediatrician about his meds and see if they are still appropriate.

Answer 10

My friend just put her kid through that boot camp program.  Your son sounds about like he WAS.  Their theory is to nip it in the bud while he's still handleable.  Check your local youth delinquency centers...they can hook you up.  There is a cost, but it's not much.  Best of luck to you.

Some kids are just little s***s, no matter what you do. Nurture only gets you so far.  Nature has a lot to do with behavior.

Answer 11

well punish him take away every thing tv toys etc  you ground and make him earn his fun back

be strong

oh two words

boot camp

p.s

adhd and ad are not good excuses i have both both that these not mean that i could fight the boy next and not be punished so don't go to his level make him understand that you are his mother

Answer 12

It sounds like he took himself off of his medication.

Answer 13

you should talk to him maturely by asking why is he acting this way and what does he want that cause him to be this. I believe theres more to the story.  But understand that kids normally cant control their mood. Check on the medicine side-effects and those who also take them, see how it changes their lives for the worst or better. I was on medication for some other purpose, it barely help and change my life for the worst, due to side effects. Somehow I feel I'm not the person who I used to be.

Answer 14

I think there is more to this story.  It doesn't make sense that he acts that way for no reason.  What is his father doing?

Answer 15

Well, im 13

and i have ADHD.

i do the same things as your son

Please don't blame him though.

I can't help it, and im not sure he can either

Sometimes it just makes us really mad, but we don't know

We get so stubborn though, and don't want to admit it

I  try to convince my step father and my mother to stop s******g with me, and i'll do better!!

which is TRUE.

Sometimes, parents of ADHD kids like us,

underestimate our abilities, and think that they need to NAG us to do something, because,"they know we wont do it unless they bug us".

well, it's not true

We actually would do better than you think.

I think you should give your son some space maybe

He WILL come around.

And the reason he isnt NOW,

is because he probably doesnt like when he listens to adults;that they get all 'macho',

and OVERPOWER their authority.

So,

we WILL eventually stop doing the things that we do,

but we need the adults to give us some time, and make it even

We know you guys are the boss,

but when you go overboard on telling us what to do,

we tend to get stubborn

;;;by the way,

i wasnt trying to be disrespectful,

i just want to help you and your son

= ]

--All!son

XX

OHH, and instead of kicking him when he's down,

or just saying--"okay good job...."

reward him, or make it sound like

"good job!!!, SEE?!?!, that was GREAT!!! =D, ",

and encourage him!!

=]

Answer 16

Most of the answers you got are pretty ignorant.  I have a child with ASD. She isn't violent or disrespectful, but I know some who have this problem.  Here's something I heard works.  Get a bunch of things with different textures and put them in between your 2 sons on the floor. Let them gently touch one anothers arms or faces with them. Teaching how nice it is to touch softly rather than hurt.  Sounds like he's seeking sensory input.  have you tried a sensory brush?  If done regularly it really helps. Maybe in between chores and homework and every situation that you know will set him off, try this.  Have him rock or dance or swing for 8 minutes then do heavy work for 8 minutes like wiping windows sweeping jumping bear crab or frog crawling.  Doing movement followed by heavy work for specific amounts of time in order, helps to reorganize senses.  He feels just as out of control of himself as you do of him, as I'm sure you know. And that's why he smarts off or lashes out.  I really hope this helps. If you want a detailed schedual of how to make this therapy work email me [e-mail]. I'd love to help.

Answer 17

Why don't you take things away from him? Let him know who's in charge.

And take more care of your kids, not your cats.

Answer 18

Have a hear to heart with him. Come from a place of love and understanding. Be sure to validate his struggles. It is hard enough to be 11yrs and figuring out your place in live without ADHD. Ask him how you can help him.

Kids who have ADHD have a very difficult time holding still and their lack of impulse control means they tend to blurt things out that you or I wouldn't say out loud.

Asking them to behave just like another child is impossible--they can try but they can only do so much. They end up feeling like failures. They are miserable and angry because THEY FEEL NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY THEY WILL s***w UP. Even if they are super good for a day---the next day something happens and that day of perfect behavior is erased in everyone's minds.

Think of it this way: when someone doesn't see as well as everyone else they get glasses and go on. We don't expect them to skip the glasses and see from the back of the classroom as well as another child. We don't get upset because they should just try harder and maybe they could see the words...

Try to understand your child's struggles and look for resolutions that work. Try reading up on discipline techniques for kids with ADHD. What works for most kids might not work for him.

Answer 19

It sounds like military school might be your only option. Or at least a specialized school for dealing with children with this issue.