My 11 yo brother poops his pants? advice please!?

Question

My mom lives in another state, she has my youngest brother and sister every other weekend and for so long out of the summer, vactions etc. The kid's dad is horrible, he has a temper from h**l, he is very mean and demeaning to my mom, he thinks money rules all. (we don't we are average people who believe kids need love more than money) anyway, my brother is 11, he always has had this problem since my mom and their dad split up when he was 2, so we thought he would grow out of it, well he is 11 now and still messes his pants, I"m just wandering what you think could be the cause of this?? I honestly think it has something to do with his dad, he has been with my mom for 3 weeks straight now and she tells me he is doing it less and less...... what do you think? I know this is seriously gross, it's not as if we like it or anything! I'd just really like to see what ya'll think, if it could be medical (i don't think so) or emotional/physical abuse. Thanks for your time!!

Answer 1

First, take a deep breath.  This is like waaaaay too much stuff to put all in one question.

Second, there's no point in any of us trying to psychoanalyze your little brother.  Apparently the way he is being raised is not teaching him good behavior.  You can't get your mom to do anything she's not already doing - if she really thought his behavior was a serious problem she'd already have this situation fixed (like making him wear Depends or something).

What I think is:

You learn to be a cheerful, helpful person.

Learn to manage your own behavior regardless of what anybody else is doing.

Learn that time, energy, and money are resources that you can control.  They don't "rule" anything.

Answer 2

Maybe your mom should take him to see a psychologist!! It may just be his fear of his father... who really knows! Your mom should just take him to make sure because it seems to me to be a psychological problem.

Answer 3

How enfuriating. Money does not buy it all. If he has money your mom can go into court and tell them that she cannot afford to "battle" and if he is threatening through email, she has proof of this.  She can ask that he be made responsible for the legal fees.  There is something called "tender age doctrine" which always, as long as the mother is "fit" favors maternal custody.  Judges usually like to interview children old enough to diferentiate a situation as to with which parent they would like to live.  It is safe to assume that he pays child support and as such your mom can mention to probation that your brother behaves differently when he is with his father - The question here is why doesn't your mom have custody - if it is simply a matter of money well, she can fight it because child support is based on the amount of time a child spends with each parent.  It wouldn't hurt to seek medical/psychological help, maybe the divorce has impacted your brother more than anyone can imagine or maybe it is something medical which he cannot control.  Good luck.

Answer 4

I am familiar with this happening.  Let me ask you ..

1. How often does he do it?

2. Does he pee his pants also?

3. Does he pee or p**p his pants at school or at home or both?  Does he do it alone or with friends?

4. Is he a bedwetter?\

5. When it happens does he stay in the pooped pants and have to be changed or told to change or does he immediately change himself?

Answer 5

when my parents split when i was 5 I peed the bed until i was 9 and away from my mother who literally beat me for doing it. I got some therapy and from what that told me was it had to do with deep seeded emotional problems and it didn't have anything to do with a physical problem but psychological. Your mother could get an attorney on the behalf of the children that can represent the children's BEST interest without a byest opinion. good luck.

Answer 6

You didn't say if your brother is doing this by accident or on purpose?  If he has accidents maybe he needs to be checked out for his diet?

If he is doing it on purpose, then it still need to be checked out maybe a way to get attention?  

Either way he needs some help.  

Hope you take care of yourself first though.

bye

Answer 7

it sounds like he is totally freaked out about something. maybe his pig of a dad. i'm sure he wouldn't want to spend money to get your brother help, but he needs to see a doctor and possibly a therapist. as far as your mom getting custody, a lot of states will almost always  put the kids with their mothers. and the court could make pigdad pay child support and even if he didn't it would be worth it to know your brother is safe and happy.

Answer 8

I don't really know much about the situation, if it happens while he's asleep try making him try to go tothe bathroom before he lays down, and if it's while he's awake you could try to encourage him by offering a prize for every week or two that he doesn't do that. other than that I can't really say, but good luck.