My 11 yo daughter doesn't want me to attend her school functions. I'm taking this personal.?

Question

Her end of the year party is coming up and she hid the invitation from me and I only found out because she slipped. Is this normal? I told her I'm going no matter what and she gets upset and cries.

Answer 1

Perhaps she has been acting up in school and she does not want her teacher to tell you. Or perhaps she is unpopular and is embarrassed that you will find out. You should probably just ask her why she does not want you to go. Tell her you will not get mad at her for the reasoning, you just don't understand. If she persists to not tell you, I would not go, because you should respect your dauhgters feelings.

Answer 2

im young too and the only reason i wouldnt want my mum coming would be because i would probably be embarrassed to be seen with her..........

Answer 3

Wow- is there a reason why she feels this way?

Have a talk with her and explain to her why this is important to you.  Mention how proud you are of her and that all you want to do is be there for her.

Answer 4

I think its a little normal to want some independence at that age, but crying?  That seems extreme.  I think you should seriously have a talk with her.  Is she hiding something, do you embarrass her when you're together, is she trying to act like someone you wouldn't approve of.  You better get these lines of communication open now.  It's not going to get any easier these next few years.  You should make sure you two are on the same team now.

Answer 5

Is there some reason that she doesn't want you to mingle with her teacher or with her friends?

At least, that's the question I'd be asking first of all.

Answer 6

maybe she doesn't want you to see how she acts in school. it's normal.

Answer 7

Shes getting into an age where she wants to be independant. Its nothing personal at all. Most kids at this age dont want their parents around, especially at functions where all of their friends are there. Think about how you were at this age. Did you want your mother comming around all the time? Kids at this age get embarassed by EVERYTHING their parents do. Its that "OMG I cant believe you did that!!" phase when all you did was bring her her lunch or remind her when you are picking her up in front of her friends. Dont take it personally. I would still go, but talk to her about it calmly and ask her straight out why she doesnt want you there. If its going to really upset her, maybe its best to not go. She does need to establish some independance from you. But most of the time you can simply talk to her and she will fine wit it.

Answer 8

Don't take it personally. This is normal for this age. All kids are "embarrassed" by their uncool parents.

Answer 9

Don't take it personal - it's a normal stage.  Around age 11 is the time when kids start being able to do things on their own -- for example, they might be dropped off at the mall with a group of kids for an hour rather than walking around with their moms.  Because this has started among your daughter's peers, she feels it's necessary to make it known that she is a "big kid" (so to speak) and is allowed and able to do some things and go some places on her own.  I hated going through that stage, because I loved my mom and truly wanted to bring her everywhere with me, but I felt like I had to define myself as ready for my teenage years and not clinging to mommy anymore.  That's all she's doing!  Part of the reason she's crying could be that she's so torn between what she feels like she HAS to do and what she really WANTS to do.  But you have to let her go through it.  And she won't be that way forever -- once she hits mid-teens, when it's obvious that any kid CAN go almost anywhere without parents, she'll be more willing to go places and do things with you because people will know that she doesn't NEED you there, she just WANTS you there.

Answer 10

Don't you remember what it's like to be 11? It's not considered cool for your parents to go to these sort of things. I wouldn't take it personal.

Answer 11

I would ask her why she doesn't want you there.

Answer 12

She is in middle school right??? Do not go no one wants their parents there at that age. Your daughter is very fragile at this age. She is getting to know herself and the last thing she wants is her mom there! Most kids do not have their parents come. Don't take it the way you are and start a war with her. Just know you daughter is growing up and she wants to do things without her parents. they don't stay young forever. Thin of how you would of felt at her age if your mom showed up?? I know I would have been devastated if my mom came when I was that age!!!

Answer 13

Quite normal.  She is going through puberty and just like every other pubecing girl mom embarasses her.  So you're going to go no matter how much it hurts your daughter...too bad you seem to think it's all about you, which it's not.  It's about your daughter's emotional well being and her sense of self...I'm glad my mother wasn't like you.

Answer 14

I remember when i was 11, i was embarassed of my mom. but im now 16, and i love hanging out with my mom. It's just a stage, i promise, she'll get over it, and don't take it personally, it's just part of girl's growing up. :)

Answer 15

She might think you will inbaras her. Maybe her teacher is mad about something and she is hiding it and she thinks you will find out. Or maybe she just does not want you to go. She may also be hanging out with the wrong crowd and not want you to see her with them. I would go to make sure she is not hiding anything. I hope this helped!

-Tara

Answer 16

Maybe she's afraid she'll do something that will disappoint you or something you won't approve of, or that you'll be judgmental.  Today girls are a lot "older" than we were at their age, for many reasons, just cause what they are exposed to is very different and their hormones are changing earlier so she may be going through what a typical teenager goes through - wanting more freedom, independence.

I think it's normal but you are the parent and perhaps you give her some space at the party but if you feel you need to attend, I would.  She's 11 for goodness sake.  At some point you may need to decide what things you can give her some independence on and what things you can't and talk to her about it - a compromise of sorts so you can both feel like you are working together on whatever she's experiencing now.

Good luck.

Answer 17

She probably MAYBE doesn't want you to come because of A: She doesn't want you to see her grades, B: She's embarrassed of you ( which goes through every teen's mind), or C: There was really NO school functions, its just a trick to get together with her friends.

Answer 18

Don't take it personally, it's just a kid thing.  Every parent goes through it.  

Just go anyway, tell her you are the parent and you are interested in what is going on at school and you have to go or other parents and kids will think you are a bad parent.

Answer 19

Yes, it is normal.  Ever since I was around 10 or 11, I didn't want my parents at my school functions.

Around the teens, parents can become embarrassing as we want to be independent and look cool in front of everyone else.  You could try being a "cool" parent to change her mind about things like this or just accept it.

Answer 20

dont take it personnaly..itz alot of kidz theze dayyz...im 13 and i dun lik my parentz attendin my skool eventz unless itz relli important..shez probbally actin up or she doesnt want you to embarress her if front of her friends and stuff..or mayb therz another stupid reason..buh dun take it personnally though..its not her only itz alot of kidz theze daiiz includin me..lolz

Answer 21

I felt the same way (and sometimes I still do). I hate to say it this way, but maybe she feels embarrassed. I felt really embarrassed when my parents were at my functions because they would make fools of themselves. They would be obnoxiously "supportive" and it drove me bonkers.

I'll tell you a story. When I was in 4-7th grades, I won the school level of the National Geographic Bee. My dad would come to each one because he thought that I wanted him to be there. I DID want him there, but I didn't want him to embarrass me like he always did. He would shout "Great job!" after each question I got right and clap obnoxiously. He didn't realize that it embarrassed the h**l out of me. I would be embarrassed and choke up and then get beaten because I wouldn't be paying attention to the answers, and then he would be frustrated. After that, I talked to him and told him that it really embarrassed me and that I would prefer that he either tone down his support or not come at all (I left the option to him and I told him as politely as possible).

The next year, he respected my wishes and didn't go crazy with it. I felt much more confident and did VERY well. I was the Michigan state champion and went on to the National Finals. Then I lost because it was so stinkin' hard :D

Hopefully I did not hurt your feelings by my answer. I recommend that you sit down with her and talk to her, and find out WHY she doesn't want you to come. Then you can compromise.

Answer 22

Dont go! No wonder she hid it. Youre overbearing and pushy ..she doesnt want you there , give her some freakin space.

Answer 23

It sounds like she is embarass of you, for what reason Idk? You should ask her why she doesn't want you to come to any of her functions.

Answer 24

by this age a lot of kids don't want mum around. Are other parents going? Make sure you dress nicely and try not to embarrass your child

Answer 25

This is completely normal at her age. You forcing yourself into her social functions is not going to help your relationship.

Answer 26

No offense, but she could just be embarrassed by you, as many kids are of their parents at that age.

Also, she could be doing poorly in school or have had a disagreement with a teacher. She might be worried that if you attend the party, the teacher will tell you.

Additionally, she might be unpopular with her classmates and she doesn't want you to see her get excluded at the party.

I think you should just go to the party no matter what because to me it sounds like something's up. I hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 27

Tell her that if she tells you why she doesn't want you to go, you won't go.

Answer 28

OMG TAKE A CHILL PILL

11 year olds fell embarised by parents its natural(hormones)

look dont push it seriosly she just feels embarised so does every kid in the world so plz calm down