My 11yrd daughter hates that im pregnant!

Question

Im 32 weeks pregnant with a girl and my 11yrd daugther has been my only child untill now.she has been so upset with me since day one.i've tried talking to her about it and she will not talk about it.i can't do anything for the baby or talk about the baby when she is around she get's mad and won't speak to me,she say's she wants nothing to do with the baby and it's really making me upset.i don't want her to be rude to her baby sister. do you think when the baby's born she will change?

Answer 1

no.

if anything its gonna get worse ):

because then she really has something to get mad about.

the baby is going to get more attention, and all eyes are gonna be on the baby.

sorry to say ):

Answer 2

Well she is behaving this way because it is being tolerated. I am sorry but 11 is old enough to get over it by 32 weeks. Even if she is jealous again 11 is old enough to understand. I would sit her down and tell her you understand her feelings but this behavior will NOT be tolerated any longer. And the first time she is rude or mean to that baby I would have a harsh punishment. Nip it in the butt. I do not mean spanking either, she is too old for that. Take something away or ground her. my oldest was only 2 and did not put up that much of a fight. And she did not have the reasoning abilities an 11 yr old does. And anytime she chooses to get mad about the baby I would send her to her room until she can come out and act like a part of the family, that behavior is very self centered and not being a family.

My kids are 7 and 9 and I would not tolerate it from either of them regardless of the issue.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby, I would try to get a grip on this before the baby is here.  

Answer 3

You need to be really careful with this situation, yes it is a possibility that she will soon overcome this jealousy and be fine with her sister, but with such a big age gap she may acctually do the opposite. I would enroll her in some child counseling to see why she feels so mad and to get everything off her chest.  I would be afraid for your childs saftey if she is this mad at you then she might end up hurting it once it comes into this world. I would get this problem resolved sooner rather than later.  I have never really heard of a child not wanting a sister or brother especially if they are the onlychild. They often want the compainionship, but at this point it sounds like your daughter doesnt want to share her life with the baby.

Answer 4

Relax mom, your daughter is used to being in the spotlight and being mommy and daddy's ONLY child. She knows that when the baby is born, the baby will be the new center of attention. She'll probably just get more annoyed after the baby's birth and just ignore it for a couple of days. Being the mother, you need to show your daughter that you can take time between the new baby and her. This is a very delicate situation. Spend a couple hours a day with her doing the things that she likes. She'll probably be ignorant of this at first. Do you have a little sister? Tell her stories about how it was when you and her were little. Does she like shopping? Let her help pick out the new babies clothes or if she likes toys, let her help with that too. And when you do have that new baby, remember to spend extra extra time with her. Don't tell her that you don't have enough time for her because you're too tired. Also, remember not to tell her that you two can't do things together because of the baby and that she has to get used to having her new baby sister around. If anything sets a kid off, it's that. Remember that punishment is not the way to go especially for a girl of her age. Eventually, she will grow to love her baby sister. It's a stage kids go through. She has to learn to live through it. And no mom, your daughter does not need any therapist or counseling. It only makes things worse to take your kid to a therapist or counseler when they are perfectly fine, and she IS perfectly fine. Don't worry, you will rarely see kids abusing their younger siblings, but that's a whole 'nother subject to talk about. If you see her getting physical with the baby (which I highly doubt would happen but just so you know), just try talking to her. Kids have simple minds. She'll totally fall for the baby the minute she sees her.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Yes, she will. Trust me. This is exactly what happened with my older sister. My older sister was 10 when my mom was pregnant with me. She hated my mom, she wanted nothing to do with me what-so-ever. She even said that she was going to run away from home. But than when I was born she looked at me and smiled, as my mom says. Then the very next day she asked if she could hold me. And soon I was her best friend. I became closer to her when i was little then to my older brother who was completely ecstatic about having a baby sister.  

Answer 6

She'll come around!!! They always do!!! Good Luck

Answer 7

she'll get over it

Answer 8

She should be old enough now to have a semi adult conversation about what's about to take place. The baby is only a few weeks away, and yes the baby is going to get most of the attention, but she needs to understand she has had mom and dad to herself for 11 years! its time for her to step aside and let this baby flourish. And acceptance from her sister is crucial part of growing up with out it she could develop low self esteem or a rebellious attitude when the baby gets older. A fun way to show your 11 year old you still love her is maybe an outing to the mall or the movies, just the two of you. I'm sure she would appreciate that.

Answer 9

Yes your daughter is experiencing a sort of abandonment. She has being the only child for a long time, keep talking to her and she will come around when the baby is born.

Answer 10

Well at first i think she will be a bit like that. But dont worry she should change! i think that you somehow really need to talk to her and tell her that just becouse there will be another doughter i the house she is still... U no!

good luck with the baby!

Answer 11

yes she will definitely change her attitude when the baby is born.maybe it will take a few weeks tho because the baby needs and will highly likely GET more attention.but she will just have to understand that.my friend's mom had a baby a while back and she wasn't 'mad' but she got mad and jealous because the baby got more stuff than her but she got over it after 3 weeks.its ok don't worry this is typical

Answer 12

when i was 8 my mom told me she was pregnant. she probably thought i was mad at her too. but truth was, i was scared that this baby was going to hurt my mom. but when the baby came and i found out my mom was ok, it made me feel better and not so mad/scared. hope this helps.  

Answer 13

This is normal especially if she has been the only child for so long. I have three kids and when I became pregnant with my second, my son was so happy. When I was pregnant with out last child, my daughter -- daddy's girl -- wanted nothing to do with the baby. After the baby was born it got a little better, but it's an everyday thing. Part of our problem was that my husband babied her so much that it was a shock to her system when the baby came along.

Your new baby will not know that your eldest is being rude, so there is time to help your daughter make the transition.  Make her a part of the process but also do not forget to do things that have been things you two have shared.  

Although she is 11, she still has the fears that she is being replaced especially if this is a child from a different relationship.

I am 32 and I have a 16 yo brother and my 25yo bro had major problems accepting the pregnancy. He fought with the baby for a while, but he softened.

Remember, make her a vital part of your pregnancy but give her her mommy time.  

Answer 14

Not at all!

Apparently i was the same when i was 10 years oldl. i was angry and always got into arguments with my mom. I refused to talk to her, and had a few fits.

when the baby (my sister♥) was born, i fell inlove with her. As soon as siblings first see the baby, they usually act the same as I did. Its rare that they will dislike it.  

Besides, when shes older, she'll be glad to have a sibling.

Good luck! And i hope your baby is healthy :D

Answer 15

I think the situation varies from person to person. You might consider putting her in therapy. It sounds like she needs it. Otherwise she may continue on this self-indulgent bratty path to a point where it effects her health. You don't want to bring a baby into a hostile environment.

Answer 16

well NO i think she feels abandoned or not needed any more most only children are very spoiled either financially or they are the center if their parents universe. SO this is a big transition for her a lot of jealousy is going to be involved so brace yourself.  She may or may not change her attitude once the baby is born that mostly depends on you. If you don't shower them both with love an attention, then yes she is going to be horrible BUT if you pull her into the equation and make her feel like she is important and crucial part of helping raise that baby then NO, she will adjust, For now just let her sulk a little it will be fine eventually.

Answer 17

Try to involve her more when it comes to picking out things and planning the nursery. Sounds like shes an only child and used to having all of the attention. If she is an only child, yes it is pretty normal for them to be jealous. Also try to set aside special time with her without "the baby" being brought up all the time. Eventually she will learn to love her baby sister. I had four and went through the same thing with each one!

Answer 18

I'm 11 years older than my sibling as well. So I can relate. It's because she's been an only child for so long and all of your attention has been on her and now that a new baby is coming, all the focus won't be on her. When my mom told me she was pregnant, I was very upset because of the reasons I just said. But now I have a 4 1/2 year old brother who I love so, I'm sure she will eventually get over it like I did and love/care for her baby sister =)

Answer 19

some of the answers you have got from this is ridiculous!

My mum had the same situation with me. She got pregnant wen i was 10 and now i have a baby sister! I hated it to start with because i thouight i would be left out and that. But then mum took me shopping after the baby was born to get clothes for her and toys and she asked me what i think she would like. And ever since then i have loved my baby sister to bits.

She will come round, she just doesn't like the idea of another baby because she thinks that everybody will leave her out and only care for the baby. But never give more attention to the baby than your daughter because she will end up not having a very good bond with her baby sister. Just explain to her that the baby needs attention because it can't do things on its own like her and praise her for what a big girl she is. Show pictures of her when she was a baby if you have any and say that 'your baby sister might look exactly like you when you were a baby.' ask her opinion of what she wants it to be named. Hope this helps. sorry its so long. x

Answer 20

well my aunt was in the same situation, she has 5 girls... she will get over it wen she sees the new baby dont worry its just a phase.....

Answer 21

she might act the same way at first  but i think she will change went she starts to get to know the baby more. she is just scare that you wont give her much atention went the baby comes just show her that not true  ^_^

Answer 22

Honestly, you need to step up and be the "man", she has control of letting you feel that way. With two kids you really need to learn to be the boss and help her understand sure there is another baby but i still love you the same but also let her know she can't effect how much the baby means to you

Answer 23

sounds like a spoled little brat, sorry

Answer 24

Her feelings will change eventually. She has to learn that she has to share the spotlight now, and it's probably bothering her. You have to keep reassuring her that you love her no less, and she's still very special to you.

I was that age when my brother was born. But, in time, I got used to it and now I love him!

Answer 25

I think so. My brother was 11 when I was born and as soon as he found out my mom was pregnant he told the whole neighbourhood "I'm going to have a little sister!" I have three older brothers - Unfortunately not all kids are like that but when the baby is born I bet things will change...

Answer 26

It doesn't sound very normal but she is jealous, I would suggest you get her in counseling right now.

You don't want her to harm the baby and if she is like this now she might be.. better not to take chances.

When I was having our 4th child my oldest was 11 and was really happy about it all.  Your child might be a bit spoiled being the only child but she needs some guidance or she could be a problem.

Answer 27

I think she will.

She'll give in once she sees how cute the baby is.

Answer 28

i say make her feel important like ask her if she likes the name u picked and tell her shes going to have to help and that ur counting on her maybe she'll be like hay mommy needs my help and it makes her feel as if shes in on it and not on the back burner. HOPE THIS HELPS  

Answer 29

Hmm tuff situation.. Shes upset becoz she thinks she lose all the attention when the baby arrives.

Better have a talk abt this before it goes out of control. Plz