My 12 year old daughter is listening to, Black Hole Sun, Creap, In Bloom, etc? What should I do? Please help?

Question

Well, my 12 year old daughter last in 6th grade would listen to pop, country, and pretty good songs I guess. And over the Summer (her father and I are divorced) her dad moved. She drives about 4 hours every other week traveling from my house one week to her father's the next. I have done some things in the past that maybe weren't the best. But anyways over this Summer she got a hole new taste it seems. I have nothing wrong with that though. She's been playing guitar and everything and loves rock. But she really likes songs like, In Bloom, Creap, Black Hole Sun and everything. She's been wearing bandanas, jeans with (not that many) rips. She also wears black tees and doesn't like bright colors. She also seems even quieter now. Should I be worried? Can you please help me? She was a good kid in 6th grade. Straight As. Athletic. Nice. Are things going wrong? She writes somewhat sad songs. (They're Beautiful though they make me cry). Help Me? P.S. She also listens to Kansas, Bon Jovi, and not just the songs I've listed. God Bless!

Answer 1

It sounds like a little depression.  Kids change and this a faze that she is going through.  Let her be right now.  Remember we were there once.  It is so hard to see these things as adults.

Answer 2

i was the same way for a few years. don't discourage what she is doing but encourage he to be social and go to school functions. i was a "goth kid" for about two and a half years. also during this time i was a cheerleader but extremely shy. actually if you asked anyone in my graduating class they prob don't know who i am but i don't consider that a bad thing

Answer 3

well mom welcome to puberty !

you will notice changes for 4 more years.................these fads will come and go...some you will like some you want .....hang in there you will be fine ans so will she,,,,,please REMEMBER ALWAYS TO BE A PARENT FIRST NOT HER FRIEND..lead ,guide and direct and be a positive influence on her life

Answer 4

so as a teenager, and daughter of divorced parents i can maybe answer this. maybe she's not exactly depressed. it could just be that she's experimenting with different styles, and she likes writing emotional songs. her taste could just be changing. maybe it could be a little depression if the divorce is really affecting her, but maybe not. as long as her grades stay up there, and she still enjoys sports or whatever it is she used to like , i don't think there's a reason to worry. many teens are into the goth emo and scene styles but there's no depression involved.

Answer 5

Mikey not understand why her taste in music is such a big deal. Music is an individual experience has nothing to do with her maturity she is developing right now.

What , you never did some changing during your maturity phase ?

What does her choice in color have to do with her being a fine young lady ?

Your concentrating on the LEAST important thing right now. Keep being a loving , understanding and supportive parent and all will work out in the end.

You also could be a little more open minded and understanding of her own unique personality...............

Answer 6

I really doubt its depression, there was a point in my life were I wore black and was quite. Kids are different at home then they are out with friends or school. Schools a pain, btw. Its stressfull.

but if it is a depression, here is what i can say:

I'm a child with parents of my own, so i can tell you what it feels to be depressed. its not the best feeling, in fact it really sucks. But the thing that i believe is the best, you should talk to her. If its not the divorce shes upset about its either school, or shes having troubles with herself. School is stressfull, believe it or not, it seems to get more and more horrible by the minute, and sometimes teenagers just go through emotional confusion. It may last a month even two years. You just need to give her time, talk to her, but dont rush things. Dont ask too many questions. Just let her know she can trust you, and you wont punish her for the things she decides to tell you. Telling your parents personal things is very hard because parents tend to react in a more panic way. They panic and then they punish, if you can show her that she can tell you things and you want to talk NOT punish. she might be willing to give you a friendship and not just motherhood.

Answer 7

shes probably depressed

Answer 8

She moved on from country and pop to rock?  It sounds like her taste is improving at least.

My son is five, and he listens to all kinds of music--White Stripes, Kings of Leon, Pink Floyd, Fountains of Wayne, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Steely Dan, The Cure, Jack Johnson, Phish, Tangerine Dream, Mazzy Star, and Alvin & the Chipmunks (LOL).  He listens to what my husband and I listen to, and when he hears a song he likes, he asks us to add it to his iPod playlist--you should see all the random stuff that's on there.  This is the music he knows because it's what he's exposed to.  

Changing musical tastes isn't necessarily anything to be concerned with in and of itself.  She is growing up, and she and her friends are probably just expanding their musical tastes a bit.  She might just be more interested in it because she's being exposed to different things.  Be thankful she isn't driving you nuts with Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers.

If her grades are dropping, she doesn't seem interested in things you used to do, she drops her old friends and starts hanging out with a new crowd, or any other significant behavioral changes occur, that might be cause for some concern.  But she has just gone through a traumatic loss with her father moving away.  It's natural that she should have some feelings about it.

It's probably just a combination of a little teenage angst, missing her father, and wanting to seem a little more grown up.

Answer 9

She Has Turned Rocker no need to worry its just personality at first elementary kids dont know what they want during middle they experiment .   she is deciding to dress the way she feel comfortable i write sad songs and poems sometimes also im 14 and i understand what she might be going through dont go and call a priest she is just dressing how she likes and how she feels just try to be a good parent and do not panic simpley let her be herself keep her from drugs guns and gangs dont keeep her from rocking out

Answer 10

No.1: Stop freaking out

I do not mean any offence, but jeez lay off the poor girl! shes just experiencing puberty!

Let her listen to what she wants and stop worrying!

Rock music is just music, same as rap, country, pop whatever!

As for the clothes, let her experiment as long as it doesnt turn S****y or too old for her.

Im going through the same and just want to listen and wear what i want! (within reason)

Answer 11

cheer her up by taking her and her best friends to six flags or somewere were she really likes to go... or give her some money to spend at the mall... let her have some more times with her friends... take her to happy places over all.

Answer 12

I love the song ''Black Hole Sun'', by Soundgarden! And I'm a 39 year old mother of 3!! I understand how you might be concerned just ask her, and if that doesn't work consider giving her some space for a while. My 15 year old daughter suddenly turned her music status and started listening to Rock. Grunge and Alternative. But she's still the same bubbly, clumsy, funny girl she's always been!

Answer 13

Lol daughter is a lot like me and reminds me of me that's what we do..but evenchuly we will grow out of it...but for I say just let her live her life....=P

Answer 14

FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO IS RELAX AND PRAISE HER FOR HER GREAT GRADES AND DONT HARRASS HER ABOUT HER MUSIC AND THE WAY SHE DRESSES YOU DONT WANT HER GETTING MAD AT YOU THEN START REBELLING

Answer 15

Let her listen to what she wants, don't shelter her. If you've raised your kids with common sense she'll know it's just music and not to let it influence her decisions in life.

Answer 16

She's entering a very difficult age:12-14 for a girl adjusting to the changes in her body and hormones. If you're concerned, stay in contact with her dad. Ask him if anything has changed other than his location. Even divorced, you need to stay talking, especially with a girl this age. Find a non-confrontational setting, like riding in the car, and ask her if something is bothering her. Sitting side-by-side, not looking at each other, she may open up better than in a face-to-face situation.

P.S. my 4yr old grandson is into heavy metal (is that the word?) Probably trying to be like his uncle (age 23)

Answer 17

It does not sound like depression. She just seems to be very intelligent and creative and rock music is both. That's mostly what I listen to and listened to growing up.

This could also be her way of dealing with your divorce. It impacted just as much, if not more, than it did you.

You said yourself she has good grades and is a good kid, just keep an eye on her, and trust her to make good decisions.

You have to remember at her age she is trying to figure out who she is and who she wants to be.

Answer 18

well you can always tell her you do not like it and if she continues to do it take all her radio stuff so she can not listen to it and she might just want to be one of them people that dress all in black and be happy that way she might comes home one day with black hair

there is not much you can do she is her own person and it is not like she is out sleeping wiht every tom d**k and hairy

i think the best is to let them be if they are not causing any harm