My 12 year old niece has a 17 year old boyfriend. Whats my devine intervention here?

Question

My niece kinda told me in confidence and we are close so I don't want to break that rule.

I found out when she used me to pick him up to take them to the movies. When I picked him up, I asked for his ID. it said he was 17. So I pulled him aside and asked him if he knew she was 12 and he said yea but she looked 15/16 and she is way smart for her age so what. I told him that i didn't approve and he said he would note it and continue with his date.

My brother has met this guy but he told my brother he was 14 being he is somewhat short and has braces and can honestly pull it off. I told my brother, who is an idiot, that he is 17, and he told me I am loco.

So though he is a nice guy and they go to the same youth group and church and such, I kinda think, if anything, they should be friends. Again, my brother and sister in-law are aware of him now and they seem to be fine with a so-called 14yo dating my 12yo niece. This guy has a car for god sakes.

Now what?

Answer 1

That is really sketchy. Really, really, really sketchy. Don't just assume he's a nice kid, because any normal seventeen year old would have a difficult time accepting a 12 year old as his girlfriend. And remember that they're being dishonest about his age, which is another red flag. I'd have to wonder why he can't get any girls his own age. It's only a 5 year age gap, but 12 and 17 are worlds apart in terms of maturity. I guarantee he is going to try and pressure her into something, and I'm speaking from personal experience. I'm not saying he's a weirdo or anything, but he definitely isn't behaving the way he should. Have a long talk with her first; ask her if he ever does anything she's uncomfortable with. Maybe talk to the kids' parents and ask them if they're aware of what's going on. If that doesn't work try and confront her parents again. I suppose it's possible that this is nothing, but I would be very wary.

Answer 2

I would tell your niece that this is illegal and if she doesn't

make some changes then you will have to talk to her

parents, tell her how unsafe that this can be.

Answer 3

She's not your daughter so legally you can't do anything, and her parents seem to be pretty clueless. The best you can do is talk to her and let her know you're not happy about the situation, but that you're available if she needs help or just wants to talk. You can also make sure that the 17yo knows you're on to him and will report him if anything happens. Other than that, there's not much you can do.

It's a rough situation for you, you seem like a responsible caring uncle. Sometimes these things are out of our hands. Best wishes.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do for your niece is to tell her parents!  You are not doing her any favors by keeping it quiet!  She is too young to have a boyfriend anyway!  He's not just 17, he's a sick 17-year-old!  What other reason would a 17 year old teen want with a 12 year old little girl other than having s*x!  SPEAK UP!!!

Answer 5

This guy has some issues if he's dating a 12 year old. I think you should strongly suggest to your brother that he is too old, he is probably more aware of his sexuality then she is and could lead her down a path she is way too young for. I definitly think this is wrong. Good luck!

Answer 6

I can't understand how anyone would even think its ok for a 12 year old to date anyone. I have a 12 year old she isn't even allowed to go to the movies with her Friends  let alone a boyfriend!!!! What church do you go to?

Answer 7

I think you are a terrific aunt for being concerned and you obviously have a great relationship with your niece because she came to you in confidence.

What I think you should do is to continue to be a good aunt and be ever watchful of your niece.  If you believe there's something off, ask her about it.  If she ever feels like she is getting in over her head, she should feel like she can come to you.  Since you have told her parents about the whole situation, that's the end with that avenue.

One thing you might stress to your niece is that it is a positive to be great friends before you even consider a relationship with a boy.  The youth group will hopefully foster that, but you should emphasize it.

Answer 8

It's not your kid. Let it be.

It's legal, you can do nothing.

Answer 9

kick the guys Asss!!!!!!!

and tell her when shes older she can date but right now shes a bit to young to see whats real

warn her about what some teenage boys really what

and tell her parents just do what you think is right

Answer 10

Well, since you are close to your neice I can see how this may be a problem. Ask your neice about this. She is not your child and neither is the boy, but you should be able to have a confrence(parden my spelling) with his and her parents and tell them your concerns. Does your neice really love him that much? In the end, it should result as your neice's choice. Let them be if they stay together. It's their choice.

Answer 11

You need to talk to the parents, let them know of the situation. A 17 year old has NO business dating a 12 year old, not to mention it's illgeal if he has ANY sexual relations with her. At 12 your neice is still a little girl who should be focusing on school, hanging out with friends etc. Seconldy this guy sounds like an arrogant ********, the fact he knows she's 12 and has to "think about it" tells me he has no intention of staying away from her, and so what he has a car, big deal.  Chances are the 17 year old only wants your niece for 1 reason and that is to have s*x with her. Do something before he she winds up in more trouble then she's in already.

Answer 12

if shes happy let it be.

BUTTT

find out if there having s*x..he may just want her for that especiALLY if she has the body of a 15/16 y.o

ask him what he sees in her..

and just be ready to be her shoulder to cry on ..this could get ugly

Answer 13

You have no right to intervine other than telling your niece's parents they are stupid for allowing a 12 year old to have a boyfriend in the first place.  She is far too young to have a boyfriend even her own age let alone a 17 year old who is going to be an adult next year.  But that is far as you have a right to go.  Her parents will have to face the consequences of their daughter possibly being raped, or becoming pregnant or contracting an STD, HIV or HPV.

Answer 14

make him show his ID to the parents, and do they know he has a car cuz a 14 year old wouldnt have a car

also, if they date for much longer it will be illegal cuz he will be 18

Answer 15

Man, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. First of all that 17 year old is dating Jail bait and will be for the next 6 years. Why in the world is she dating anyway. Shes 12 years old, for crying out loud. Are her parents blind, or if you'll forgive me, just stupid. As for her looking 15/16 it doesn't matter. SHES 12. The kids are headed for trouble and your brother and sister in law are probably going to be grandparents really early and wonder how that happened and will blame the young father. Hey, you told them. I really don't know what more you can do, Sorry (Just don't help them out any more, the kids , I mean.)

Answer 16

No 17 year old guy is going to date a 12 year old unless he wants something and we all know what that is. He probably knows she's naive about the subject and he'll tell her it's fun. And because she doesn't want to sound uncool, she agrees and bam, major problems!!! You have to talk to her and set her straight. She might hate you now, but when she learns more, she'll thank you. I'm 13 and people ask me what colleges I'm looking at because they think i'm i senior in high-school. Don't allow him to take her out, but say she can text him when ever she wants. and talk to her parents and set them straight, they must not know all the facts.

Answer 17

Tell your brother the truth, now! There is something wrong with a 17 year old who is interested in a 12 year old and by keeping it a secret you may be setting her up foe something really terrible.

Answer 18

u should let them being friends!!

Answer 19

If you and your neice are close, just talk to her and make sure she knows what she's getting into with a 17-year-old. But, remember, she's not your kid - it's best respect her telling you in private and just watch over. Perhaps mention that you're there in case things go weird, but leave it at that.