My 12 year old son is very sensitive...?

Question

He thinks of others feelings before his, and is such a sweet boy. He is smart and cute, but quiet and introspective. He has few friends since his class has only 15 kids and they are mostly athletic and well...mouthy. He just doesn't fit in well with some of them.

The problem is kids (especially girls) are just giving him a hard time. The girls like to tell him to shut up and tease him in school, but then later, they act like they are his friends.

How should he respond to these girls in a polite and self-respecting manner? I've talked to his teacher about it, and they reprimand anyone who's out of line...but they admit that they don't catch most of it since it happens on the playground or in the gym - where it tends to be loud and crazy.

He stews about it alot and it's really affecting his day to day happiness.

He needs a comeback that's not demeaning or inappropriate...any ideas?

Answer 1

I'm going to give you an example. You know how you said that they tease him and than act like his friend later? Teach him about hypocrites, and tell him to tell those kids about it, and that they're socially lying to him.

Answer 2

Congratulations on raising a thoughtful son! I am trying to do the same (mine is a little younger). Kids are always mean where the adults don't witness it. I'm sure it was the same way when we were in school. Some kids are very sensitive and others are not. It makes it hard. My 4 children are completely different and only 1 is extremely sensitive. Reassure him he is not the only one his age going through this - everybody feels like they are being singled out or bullied at some point. I am proud of my older kids that they have figured out they REALLY DON'T CARE what other kids say or do to them. They focus on their plans and dreams and they know their true friends and parents love them. My oldest for example is never invited anywhere - she has a very small group of friends (not the popular kids) and it's all because she doesn't drink. She is captain of the cheerleading squad and she is in a top ranked jazz band. She is secure in who she is and what she's accomplishing. I hope her siblings follow her lead!

My 12 yr old daughter says for your son to completely ignore mean kids (easier said than done, I know) and to say this:

"Why don't you?" or  "Whatever" or "Make Me" or "Why, are you jealous?" or "You just wish you were half as awesome as me"

She claims they all work really well to "Shut Up" and other teasing and are the only appropriate responses. One boy in her class has used it with great success and he says the first for almost anything as a come-back.

Girls can be vicious to boys as well as other girls and it's SOOOO HARD at this age  - girls are getting hormonal and mouthy (every mom that I know - of a 12 yr old girl - is near tears because of their behavior and mouth at home - even girls who are raised to be polite, sweet, thoughtful end up mouthing off to their parents at 12 - they all become "spawn of the devil", if I can use that - It totally gets better by the time they turn 13 and 14 though!) I have 3 girls and every last one of them was a completely different child at 12. If I could have adopted them out just for that year, I would have. I plan on throwing a huge party for myself and my husband when our youngest daughter turns 13  - just to celebrate surviving the years of our girls being 12 and living through it!  

Best Wishes! He'll get through this - it all changes so fast! Tell him to keep his head up - my daughter wishes she was there to take care of those mean girls for him! She hates injustice!  Good Luck!

Answer 3

you need to get out of his life cuz i was like that when i was 12 and it was just a phase., he obviously hasnt found the right set of friends and if ya like it or not hes gonna get into girls and might already be into girls. when kids grow up they learn to stop listening to what other ppl say about them, so he'll get over it. And the sensitivity thing is a good thing w/ some girls. lots of girls like a sensitive guy just not like overly sensitive

Answer 4

well im 13 and im like your son same pesonaility.Maybe you should tell him to ignore them. It may worsen at first but hen it will slow and may even eventualy stop. Tell your son to be happy. It feels better to be nice then mean. So he feels somethin they dont.

Answer 5

You need to help him understand that any sign of weakness is an invitation to be exploited by someone believing they are more powerful. Sick as that is it is how the world works. He needs the adults in his world to teach him to be more assertive about his person-hood and presence. In the end he is the only one that can stand up for himself because you can't be there 24/7... its a gift that you must give to him.

Answer 6

Well, I think every one gets teased at some point in thier life. And you can try talkin to the girls, but i honestly think that will make it worse, because now he's mommy's little boy, wich there is nothing wrong with, but it will make them make fun of him more. I say tell him to stand up to them, or just be him self and dont care what they think.

But when he gets into highschool, every girl loves a sweet guy, so you probably raised him very well.

-Tabby

Answer 7

aww i feel bad for your son:(. just tell him if they tease  him try to make a joke out of it

Answer 8

Keep encouraging him that it's good that he is sensitive to the needs of others. His wife will one day thank you for raising such an unselfish loving man.

Answer 9

The girls are probably only teasing him because they like him. Still....I feel very sad for your son and for you, who can't really do much about it.

Answer 10

tell him to be tough, and handle it for himself!

Answer 11

tell him to either grow some balls or he's moving out of your house

Answer 12

teach him how to become a man

Answer 13

Your input is not appreciated.

Answer 14

The best way to deal with it is for him to ignore it and be nice to them. These girls and boys are looking for attention and looking for someone who is weaker then themselves, if he continues to be polite to them or ignore they wont get what they want, a reaction and they will eventually back off but thats the passive way. You might try getting him involved in something like band or orchestra where people like himself will be.