My 14 year old daughter's boyfriend is trying to have s*x with her. Was told to stay away but says he won't.

Question

I found a slip of paper in my daughter's room when we were painting the walls. It had a secret myspace address on it...I went online, checked it out, and found TONS of emails from her 'boyfriend' trying everything he can to convince my daughter to have s*x with him.

I use the term 'boyfriend' very lightly because they aren't allowed to be alone or go anywhere without adult supervision. He seemed like a nice enough kid before this but after reading the things he's written to her, I have no doubt that he's just a really good actor.

I wrote to him and told him that he is not allowed on our property ever again and that if he tries to communicate with her (in any way) that I would have him brought up on stalking charges and served with a restraining order. He doesn't seem phased by this at all and I think he might try something stupid. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Forget about him.  Now is the time to focus on your daughter.  You know she is being solicited for s*x ( I don't mean that in a bad way).  Time to have a very frank conversation with her about s*x, the good and the bad, diseases, pregnancy, the whole works.  Open the doorway to communication so she'll always have somewhere to turn.  

Then talk to her about her personal safety and internet safety.  Use what if situations.  What if someone trys to push you into s*x at a friends party?  What if a stranger on the internet wants to meet you?  If you empower her to make good choices instead of trying to bully one kid away from her, you all will sleep easier at night.

Answer 2

i think your overreacting. you said he was trying to get her to have s*x, meaning she must have said NO. ever heard of privacy? you shouldnt have gone on that myspace account. a restrainging order? now thats DEFINATELY overreacting. get a life.

Answer 3

If you trust your daughter you'll let her see him. Its not your desicion who your child can and cannot go out with. She will not care about yur opinion and truthfully the pushing away of her boyfriend might just push her to have s*x with him. Tell her you dont want her haing s*x and pray she has good sence. Your daughter is a person she can make her own decisions without you holding her hand  IF  you rauised her right. Because I see it as well hez made so many attempts to "get it" and he still hasnt because she doesnt want to. Obviosly she is strong willed and will not be persuaded. Let her see him and sooner or later they will break up ifhe keeps insisting on it and she just doesnt ant to. Please trust your daughter to make her own desicions. She'll pick whats best for her.

Answer 4

Actions are stronger than words, my friend.

Call his parents, show them everything he's been saying, and explain to them that you already tried to get him to leave her alone. Tell them you don't want it to go this far, but if you have to, you will call the cops.

I also highly suggest talking to your daughter. Hearing her input will help a lot during this situation, especially if she doesn't want this attention.

Answer 5

I think you should talk to your daughter it seems like she is out of the picture and does't know about any of this? Have you talked to her? Does she know any of this stuff is going on? You emailing him, saying he can't come on the property ect.  

Answer 6

I would print out all the e mails and take them to his parents. Tell THEM he is not to be around your daughter and if he is, you will press charges.

Answer 7

Talk to your daughter about him.Tell her that she does not have to listen to him and do something that she does not want to do.If he does not stop then you should alert the police or file a restraining order against him.

Answer 8

Have you talked to your daughter?  Has she agreed not to see him?  I would be afraid to have direct contact with him if he is a minor.  You need to talk to his parents and tell them what you found and to keep thier son away from your daughter.

Answer 9

Honestly, I think your best bet would be to take your daughter and get her on birth control since you cannot possibly be with her every second of every day. This way at least she won't pay the consequences for the rest of her life if she makes a mistake now. And sit down and have a serious talk with her about why she should wait to have s*x, pregnancy, STDs, etc... And about the fact that this boy is too pushy and obviously does not really love her. Talk to her like an adult and you might be surprised at the results. Don't yell, talk to her calmly and explain to her exactly why you are so concerned about this. I was a 14 year old girl once and so were you. Think back to those days...

Answer 10

talk 2 his parents && have a serious conversation with ur daughter

Answer 11

well if he is trying that hard to get her to do it you really need to protect her becaus eone day it ould just get way out of hand and he can force himself onto her and do something she doesnt want to do so if i were you keep this boy out of her life call the authorities and see what you ould do as far as all of this goes ive heard to many stories similar to this one and di not end well for the girl in my hometown a boy i went to school with shot and killed his girlfriend and himself for something just like this

Answer 12

I would first suggest that you contact his parents about the issue. Reiterate to them that he is not allowed on your property and if he does try you will call the cops and have him arrested for trespassing (you need to be willing to follow through). Also, tell them that if he continues to attempt to contact your daughter you will file for a restraining order (again - you need to be willing to follow through).

Answer 13

have you tried to talk to his parents to try to work on the issue together? tell them your concerns

if all else fails get a restraining order and if it goes even farther you can have him brough up on statutory rape......if it goes that far and hopefully it doesn't.

Answer 14

tell him that youll call the police

Answer 15

call the law and report him. Maybe he thinks you are bluffing.

Answer 16

One thing do you think ur daughter wants to have s*x with him?

and Why are u Going to your daughter things if  you truly trust

her and you raised her the right way she will say no so please think about that and you should talk wiht ur daughter

Answer 17

I think you did the right thing by saying that to the guy. Try to have a word wiht your daughter and tell her the consacounces (SP?)

Answer 18

restraining order

Answer 19

Print the emails out and give them to HIS parents.  Stop writing to him, you are an adult and should say these things face to face.

Answer 20

Well.. are they threatening or are they just casual questions about having s*x? In my opinion, you shouldn't allow your daughter to have a boyfriend anyways. When boys are going through the first stages of puberty like that, they don't understand how to control most urges. I'd say around 12-16 is when boys have some of the biggest problems holding it in. And its not just him either. Lots of kids his own age are the same way. A restraining order is probably the correct thing to do, but don't bring up charges. I mean, have you even talked to that kid's parents? Visit with them and see if their nice people. I think, from what you typed, that you just freaked because kid's are talking like that. Im sure if you remember when you were that age that you most likely spoke something along those lines or knew many others who did. I think your just overreacting over a simple situation that can be easily solved if you just spoke to this boyfriend's parents.  

Answer 21

I think it would be best to get the boy's parents involved before calling the police or filing charges against him. It sounds like this boy doesn't have boundaries or any respect or decency, and those are things which parents are supposed to instill.

You also need to talk to your daughter very seriously about this. Let her know that the things this boy said to her are NOT okay. It's her body and her choice, and you should convince her to wait for the right person who won't pressure her in any way. Besides, she's only 14. I don't know how old this boy is, but if he's over 16, disregard what I said and call the police.  

Answer 22

tell his parents...show them the emails he wrote to try and pressure her into having s*x.  also alert the school officials so that they know what is going on and can keep an eye on them for you.  also tell your daughter to stay away from him....if she isn't already, i would properly educate her about s*x, stds and pregnancy.