My 14 year old got a belly button ring!

Question

My daughter(whom is 14)asked if she could get a belly button ring. I told her no, when she's 18 she can pierce her body however she wants(she already has her ears pierced, three times in each ear, but that's where I draw my limit, I'm a single dad, so her mom can't really side with me on this). She begged me for weeks, but I stuck to my word.

Somehow she convinced my 22 year old son(and her brother)that she was allowed to get a belly button ring! So he took her to the piercing place and SHE GOT IT PIERCED!!! She came home and my son told me. I flipped out and grounded her for two weeks.

How else should I handle this? Should I make her take out the ring or talk to her calmly about it?

HELP! I've had to bring her through puberty and she's Daddy's Little Girl and I've hardly said no to her since she never wanted to do anything wrong and now I don't know how to talk to her!

Answer 1

Make her take it out.  A 14 year old girl does not need to be walking around with her belly showing especially with a ring in her belly button.

Answer 2

Hello!

Tell her that the belly button ring is not aloud, and she needs to take the stud out and keep it out. The hole from the piercing will close up after several weeks. Since the 22 year old feels awful, he won't fall for her tricks again. Make sure everyone over 18 that she knows knows not to say okay to piercing.

Unfortunately, she's going to have to chill and wait 4 years until she turns 18.  

Answer 3

I don't think I would let her keep the belly button ring.  I agree, at 14, she is too young. Your daughter disobeyed you, the punishment fits the crime.  I applaud you for being a single father and bringing your daughter up morally.  You say you don't know how to talk to her.  Is there a woman you trust, that can talk to her?  Maybe some female invention from a woman who will support you will do the trick. Is this the only instance in which she has majorly disobeyed you?  I would also contact that establishment and let them know they pierced a 14yr old's bellybutton.  Don't they ask for ID??  

Answer 4

This is tough because I say stand your ground and make her take it out, but the hole is still there and she could easily keep finding things to put in it--sooooo, i say stick with the grounding and then make her make it up to you and your son(since she conned him) by doing extra work or another job/chore you can think of.  Or make her take it out and then check every morning and night for a few weeks until the hole closes up.  Technically, i don't think it is a big deal for herr to have a belly ring, but the big deal is that she disobeyed and conned your son--that just isn't good.

Answer 5

I don't know where you live but where I live in order for a 14 year old to have any piercings (including ears) she has to have parental consent and that means the parents sign a form allowing their minor child (yes 14 is a child in the eyes of the law), to get the piercing.  The parent must be present at the signing of the form in order to show their Identification, as proof of being the child's parent.  There is no way in h**l your son could have done that because it is impossible for a 22 year old to be father to a 14 year old.  So either your daughter got the piercing from some irreparable unlicensed piercing parlor or had a friend do it she couldn't have gotten her navel pierced.  

Being with someone over 18 is not "okay"  in order for anyone of age 14 to get a piercing they have to have a parental consent form signed dated and the parent has to show Identification.  Again...I doubt this story.

Answer 6

I'd make her take it out. And she can re-pierce it when she is 18.  Then I'd punish her for lying to her brother.  You did the right thing by grounding her. I would make sure she understands that lying to her brother was wrong and that his trust with her is probably broken, she is going to have to fix that relationship, make her write an apology letter to her brother for getting him involve.

Answer 7

for christs sake man!  she is 14!  

you are the dad!

take charge or she'll be pregnant soon!

have her take out the belly ring now!

You must be the boss or things are just gonna get worse.

Answer 8

You should also ground the brother. he was in on it and knew too. but you should let the kid express herself with the ring.

Answer 9

I would make her remove it.

Answer 10

make her take it out ...and then go straight to the piercing place and jump their *** for not making her have a parent or guardian present to sign the permission forms... it cant  legally be done by a brother or any one else who isnt her legal guardian. I would make sure they werent piercing other peoples kids without permission.

Answer 11

no you don't need to be calm about this. would make her take it out and ground her for the next month. normally i would think grounding her for that long but since she did some potentionally dangerous well then  

Answer 12

Oh you should def make her take it out. You said no and even if you grounded her, she won because she has it. I also do not agree w/ a 14yr old having one. they think they are grown but they are not, and she only wants one to show her tummy to the boys. Get it daddy? Make her take it out. 14 yr old boys are bad.

Answer 13

make her take it out. no friends, TV, computer NOTHING for 3 weeks. she cannot come out of her room but to eat use the bathroom go to school and do her chores make your sons aware of it and she cant do anything but read. theres your moms siding

Answer 14

I'm 15. You might not want to listen to my opinion.  I have ear piercings not belly, my mom won't let me either. But alot of girls do it. You did tell her no, i would make her take it out let it close and she can get it repierced when she's older, but make sure she is keeping that area really clean so it doesn't get infected. She lied she doesn't deserve the reward. That will just let her know in the future she can get what she wants if she does it quietly, and she'll brag to all her friends how she got it.

Answer 15

i would make her take it out, but tell her that if she shows she is responsible enough to be able to handle it and not show it off in the wrong situations, that when she is fifteen or sixteen she can have it back.

by arguing with you she is showing she is not mature enough to have one or understand what shes doing. i'm sure she didn't mean to upset u, tho. teens have always been like this.

Answer 16

Make her take it out and let it close - you said no.

Answer 17

make sure it doesn't get infected.  i think she should be able to keep it; it is her body.  but if you do let her keep it DEFINETLEY don't let it get infected.

Answer 18

Well, the deed is done at this point. But the piercing would likely close up if the ring is out for several weeks. So, obviously this is your call, but it makes sense to make her take it out. However, what are you really supposed to do at this point? I mean it's pierced, so she can always put a ring back in there when you wouldn't see it. So unless you show her rationally why you think she shouldn't be having it, then she's just going to go behind your back.

You'd be better off talking to her about it in a mature way. If you show her you are willing to talk, then she probably will listen to you more and see your point. Cause if you just give her h**l for several weeks, she's not going to learn anything and nothing is going to change. She obviously understands you disagree with it, that much is clear at this point. You gotta let her see your side of things, otherwise, you're not really dealing with the problem. Giving her h**l will only give you the perception that you "took care of it". She needs to understand why you disagree with her having her belly button pierced so young. But I also know that a long-winded diatribe is only going to make matters worse.

Oh yeah. And giver her h**l too. There has to be a consequence to what she did. This can be a good chance for your other sons to wise up and not trust everything "little sis" tries to con them into.

Answer 19

If I did that, my dad would KILL me! He's a single dad too.

I'd make her take it out and let her know what she did was wrong.

Answer 20

Whoopy dee doo!  So she is grounded for 2 weeks.  At the end of that she still got her own way!  Her belly button is still pierced! So she was grounded for 2 weeks!  The end result is still the same!  YOU told her NO!  You made your position perfectly clear and she went around your back to get her own way!  She defied you and if you do not put you foot down and let her know that her actions were unaccepatable, then she will do it again and again! She will pit your sons against you in the future!  She will manipulate them again to get her own way! Personally,  I would make her remove it because I told her NO in the first place!  Tough sweetheart, you had your answer and you chose to go against me and do it anyway!  Let her get away with it and you will be sorry!  If you do not stand your ground, you will just be another statistic!  Let her be "self expressive" when she is an adult!  As a 14 yr old, she just looks like an easy lay to every 17yr old in her high school!  PLUS she is testing your bounderies!  If you don't tell her NO now, then it is only a matter of time until she brings "bubba" home and expects you to accept him living in her bedroom!  After all, you let her manipulate you before, why not now?

Answer 21

Wow ! I'd be ticked too . Yes grounding is good but I would definitly take her back to the piercing parlor and have it removed . She is WAY too young to have a piercing . As far as poster BroilBacons comment - don't let them make you feel bad . You are VERY concerned .    

Answer 22

grounding doesnt really work. Tell her to take it out if you hate it that much. Your incharge, Also she might try to wear it once she gets toe school and take it out when she comes back so if you have the chance go through her bags and sometimes ask her whats in her pockets.

Answer 23

I believe this is a wake-up call to you, dad. As a former 14 year-old girl who had my daddy wrapped around my finger, it's time to open your eyes to reality. Belly button rings are worn to bring attention to the naval and pubic area. Period. Do not buy the "it's her body" argument. No, it's not. Not until she's 18 and is able to handle the results of all her actions by herself (most 18 year-olds aren't).

You did the right thing initially by saying no, and she needs to see that you still mean it. The ring needs to come out, and in the foreseeable future, your daughter needs constant supervision. I would be suprised if she is not sexually active in one way or another without your knowledge. Do you know exactly where she is, who she is with and what she is doing between school and when you get home from work? This is when most teens get into trouble.

I am not saying your daughter is a bad person, so please do not take offense. I am saying that when kids go through puberty, they often do things that they have been taught not to do - it's just too hard to control themselves in the face of hormones and peer pressure. She is going to have a more difficult time than most because she lacks the constant presence of a female role model. You have your work cut out for you, but it's obvious that you are a caring dad who can handle this. Do not care if she "likes" you right now. If she likes you all the time, you aren't doing your job. Now is the time to come down like a ton of bricks.

Good luck. I have a lot of respect for you. Keep telling her how much you love her.

Answer 24

No you do not need to talk to ther calmly about it, she KNEW you said no and wouldn't allow yet she lied to your son and got it done anyway.  Also blame your son too, he should have asked you if it was okay for her to get it done.  Make her take it out and ground her for a month.  Thats what I would do.  You specifically told her not until she is 18.

Answer 25

this is just the beginning of her testing you. You need to make her remove it. If you don't then next time she will once again do what she wants as it is probably worth it if grounding is the only punishment.