My 14 yr old was pressured by friends to have s*x?

Question

she told me last night. It happened 6 months ago she was at a friends house with her two so called best friends not long after she quit being friends with one of them telling me she was a bad influence and showing me her my space site that was very shocking. she continues to be friends with the other girl but now she tells me the two friends pressured her into having s*x with this guy and she really didn't want to. she hated it and hasn't really wanted anything to do with boys since is what she is telling me. How can I trust her I've never let her go just anywhere it was just this year she was let go to a movie with just friends. We cried for hours last night and I'm so devastated. I have four children and she is the oldest. We will see a ob doctor and I would love to find out who this boy is. ANy advise????

Answer 1

You can talk to the parents of her friends and tell them they have a bad influence  on your daughter and I guess they'll speak to them!

Answer 2

I know this may be something you don't want to read,but its great that she did come to you, I know your probably mad at her but she needs you right now and what she has done she can't take it back. So for right now be their for her and tell her that you love her no matter what.

Answer 3

She really wouldn't have done it if she didn't want to - there had to be some curosity there for her to go as far as she did.

So long as she now knows that it's something that should be shared between two people who really love each other...

She's probably been scared off having s*x for a long time.....I would explain to her though that the experince is so much better with someone you really care about and someone that loves you and understands you....

We all make mistakes - you should pride yourself on the fact that she told you about it - I can honestly say that there wouldn't be too many 14 year olds telling there mother they had s*x. You've obviously done a very good job of raising her - congrats.

Perhaps maybe thing about some for of contraception? She's at that age where she will want to go out more often etc and sooner or later your going to have to allow her and trust her to do it. It's not like she'd repeat the mistake, but you never know what other ppl are like.......just to be on the safe side?

Answer 4

dont go killin the boy, cause thats happened before.....just maybe beat him or somethin

kinda seems like if a girl said no to me i'd be like whatever, theres always another time

Answer 5

Praise her for telling you. Take this as an opportunity to bond with her more.

Ask her who this boy was? Age? This "friend" of hers should know as well.  If he is an adult, charges should be filed. My opinion.  Afterwords, I suggest she cut off friendship with these types of girls.  Explain true friends don't force such personal decisions.

Also explain to her that even though she was pressured, she has to learn the word "NO" and to walk away from those who cause her pain. If she is ever faced with this again, she is to not do what others think she should do and she is to get out and get help.

Use this time to get her into some youth classes to defend herself, give her some self confidence and esteem (she seems she lacks it if she is giving into peer pressure) and now she is also disgusted with the male gender due to this situation (common with rape of all types and stages of rape for example).  I use "rape" as an example is because either though she willingly decided to have s*x after all, her emotional side was telling her no. In my opinion, she might be experiencing some feelings towards his actions by him pressuring her knowing she wasn't ready and him "taking" something from her when she didnt' really want to (virginity).  Psychologically, she can develop negativity towards males due to it. I learned that in my Psych and Criminology class.  

Use this time to educate her on birth control, s*x and relationships, friendships and her own self (body, mind and spirit).  

Answer 6

I think you should be glad your daughter trusted you enough to tell you she had s*x.  Who with I also feel is not really important.  What is important is to keep the communication open with your daughter, and promote celibacy till she is older.

Answer 7

You never let her go anywhere? At 14 she has only been allowed to go to a movie with friends? Woah woah woah hold on a minute. That's one of the biggest mistakes you can ever make when trying to parent a child. If you had been more open with her and let her do a little more I think she might have told you sooner.

You should always be open with your children about s*x and give them a little freedom. Whether you like it or not your child is most likely going to have s*x young. The more closed minded you are the more likely that child is not going to want to tell you what happened and this could risk pregnancy because they are too afraid to ask for protection.

Your daughter already says she hated it, let her live and learn. Making mistakes is apart of growing. Maybe now she will chose who she sleeps with more wizely. I know I made that mistake when I was younger and it has helped me make better choices in my life.

Think of it this way. If you make one mistake, do you try not to do it again? Just try to be alot more open with your daughter. Crying for hours for the entire night is not normal. She is your child, but she is not your "baby" girl. She is fourteen-years-old. This boy that she slept with was also most likely around her age. You should really just drop the entire subject of the boy. He himself is a young boy aswell and yelling at him is not going to solve anything.

Answer 8

well i think its really wonderful that she trusts you enough to talk to you about that, so you should be really proud about that:)

Its good that she has come to you for support and help because thats what parents are for; to be there for their children and support them when they make mistakes, because the Lord knows theyre going to make them!

My only advice would be to keep your relationship good and keep being there for your daughter, because she needs you.

And dont blame yourself at all for whats happened.

If you smothered her you would have driven her away anyway and this probably still would have happened,

Parents just gotta let kids make mistakes, its the only way they learn.

and it seems your daughter has definately learned from this. So ye just stay strong for your daughter and ill be thinking of yall;)

Answer 9

Hey u know i think u cant blame the boy after all..

but dont take ur daughter to docs and etc all the time she doesnt have to feel bad or weird or whatever.

just talk to her as her if shes sad and if she WANTS to go to a doctor for help..

just tell her not to do anything because she is forced and try to be her friend more than that girl is shopping lunches whatever give her most of ur time for a while.

You should tell her that she has to understand shes not her friend she has to be HERSELF.

and she will be young only ONCE and having s*x really changes things and complicates life.

Answer 10

your daughter just cant blame it on her friends...if she really didnt want to have s*x then she wouldnt have..its good that she decided to tell you.  That was responsible, but just remember its not the friends faults all the way...its mostly your daughters...

Answer 11

fore!

I have read through all of the answers that you have received and I think that you received good advise from both Lady Cath and Mutchkin! There is only one piece of advise that I would give in addition. It might save some other girl in the future. I would contact my attorney and have him contact the girls and the boy and he could let them know what might happen in the future, if they were to do this type of thing again to any one else or to your daughter. This boy is not Innocent Depending on how old he is he can be charged with rape. Then if he were ever to do it again it would be in his record. The girls are also guilty as charged by lady Cath! Good Luck  and God Bless You and Your Family!

Answer 12

It's a big deal that she was able to come to you and tell you what happened. If you support her and comfort her you can count on her coming to you sooner next time something major happens. If you get mad at her and embarass her among her peers, you can be certain that she will keep stuff from you.

Answer 13

does your daughter know who the guys was.  ?

Does you daughter know that her two friends could be charged with helping someone rape her..?  It would have been the same thing had the 'talked' her into having s*x.  It is called coercion.  And it is a crime..

I think somehow her two friends need to know this.  NOT that you would file charges against them but they need to know that it could happen.  

Answer 14

Your daughter can pick the boy (rapist) out of a line up.

Peer pressure is quite often underestimated, but is very influential. Just give your daughter the benefit of the doubt, she has probably learned from this experience and will be wiser and more cautious in the future.

Answer 15

hey give her som credit look she has stop being friends with the girl and she is geuinly sad and regerts what she has done i don't think she  and also she had the courage to tell you what she has done have tell her the dangers of having secx and to use a comdom incase she does it again then atleast she won't catch anything then also tell her you are thankfull  for telling you and tell her she can tell you anything