My 14 yrs old daughter is getting violent.?

Question

The past few days my daughter has been doing little things that are just stupid and has been getting grounded for doing things she knows better not to do. Then last night she was "playing" with the dog and hurt it. I jumped to the rescue of the dog and grabbed her wrist. I told her I was going to do the same thing to her that she did to the dog to she how she liked it. Well evidentally she didn't think this would be very pleasant because she started to physically fight me back. I let her go, and she was sentenced to manual labor in the yard for the next hour. This is the first time I have ever had to face physical violence from my child and I don't know what to do. I don't want my daughter thinking she can bully me, the dog, or her sister if she just feels the need. How do I deal with this now so it doesn't become a bigger problem for us all down the road?

Answer 1

TIME FOR COUNSELING BY A PROFESSIONAL

Answer 2

Are you sure that you are the mother and not a sibling?  

Your actions in telling her you are going to do the same thing she did was incredibly immature and set the stage for her reaction.  I did that to my little sister when we were both kids - I assuredly DO NOT do that to my children.  

Your parenting skills do not sound very well formed - even your language at describing her actions does not indicate that you are the adult and she is a child.  Nor do you seem aware of her age related development (teens test their boundaries).  

You and your child need professional help - children do not act out for no reason and your reactions need to be appropriate (threatening physical harm for a non-lethal injury to the dog is overreacting).  A therapist could mediate between the two of you and allow both of you to talk in a calm manner and resolve issues.

Answer 3

You really need to sit you daughter down and talk to her on an equal level...

However, we all know how hard it is to get a response from a teenager, especially a girl.

If you have a very close friend of yours, that your daughter likes, you could ask her to speak with your daughter first, as you may find your daughter will open up to her, as she isn't her mother. Then your friend can highlight the points your daughter raised, and you can think about how to respond to these in a manner that doesn't cause conflict.

At this point, communication is very important, you need to be your daughters best friend right now, whilst still primarily being her mother.

There is a fine line between mother and friend, but if you can conquer that, you have cracked it, and she will always come to you first for advice, and love.

Good luck x x x  I too have a teenage daughter.

Answer 4

Your daughter needs to see someone like a therapist or counselor, so she can work through whatever is bothering her. Clearly, she has some anger issues to deal with, as well as some issues with rebellion. This business about her deliberately harming your dog is not a sign of good things- in fact, it is a cry for help which shouldn't be ignored. I would take your daughter to the doctor, and ask for a referral to a counselor.

Meanwhile, you need to examine YOUR OWN life, and see whether or not there are issues which may be causing or contributing to your daughter's behavior. Are you having problems at work, or in your marriage? Children can sense when their parents are having issues, and what kids imagine is often far worse than the truth. Did someone your daughter cares about recently die or move away? What about her dad- your husband- is he in the picture, and what is your daughter's relationship with HIM like? Is your younger daughter causing issues by not leaving the older one alone when she wants privacy or personal space? Do the girls share a room, and is that creating problems?

Finding the answers to these questions may take some time, but it's worth it to do this, because by doing so, you may discover what the real causes of your daughter's behavior are.  Good luck.

Answer 5

she's 14. she's old enough to realize the difference between good and bad. when you ground her.. take away what means most to her.. don't give it back until she's learned her lesson and she does something nice without being asked (and not just to get the toy back). girls go through a lot between 14 and 16.. i had a phase where i was verbally abusive to my mom.. howver i was being bullied at school and didn't want to talk to her about it.. i recognized myself in my younger sister and i helped my mom by telling her she wasn't acting like a grown up and i tried to put her in her place. we get along great now :O)

Answer 6

Maybe she needs more attention.

Answer 7

i'd break her ******* wrist.

Answer 8

If she doesn't stop, take away her stuff bit by bit. Goodbye internet, television, going out, even an earlier bedtime or whatever, until she learns her lesson. But don't do it indefinitely (give a time when she can have it back eg a few weeks) and definitely do not take away everything at once- once one thing is gone, let her know that others will follow if she doesn't stop- one more thing for every wrong thing she does. About a month of something like no internet is enough to be suitably painful for her to stop (and I should know!). There are consequences to her actions and she has to learn!

Remember- don't cave in and give her them back until the set time has gone past, no matter how much she complains about it otherwise she'll never learn, and if she kicks up a stink about it then take more things away. Eventually she should get the message.

Good luck.

Answer 9

She needs attention, so she's acting out to get it, even if it's bad attention.

Answer 10

She needs a consequence for everything like this that she does.  You need to be firm but loving.  Telling her you will do to her what she does to others is not a proper way to discipline (although I completely understand how you got to that point but you can't react out of anger).  14 is a hard age and she is filled with hormones and a streak of independance but it sounds as if she is just out of control right now.  Has anything changed at home or in the neighborhood?  How is her health?  I have problems like this with 2 boys of ours.  Thay both have adhd and bipolar along with odd.  Not saying that is what is wrong with your daughter but it may be something that a doctor or counselor might be able to address.  If that is not how you want to go then just make sure you first stop the dangerous situation - then cool down before you apply discipline even if you have to say go to your room while I decide your discipline.  Be consistent and firm.  If the problems continue then discipline needs to be progressive (gets worse each time) until she decides to act the way she is expected to act.  Giving her positive attention when she is acting the way you want will help as well. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Talk to her, ask for the reason why she's acting like that