My 15 y.o. stepdaughter is annoyed at something I said... I need advice.

Question

My daughter is 7 y.o. and was playing with her 7 y.o. friend. They were pretending to be cats and my daughter said she was going to have kittens. My 15 y.o. stepdaughter, who is visiting for a few weeks this summer, was not playing with them, but was listening and walked over to my daughter and said, "You better NOT be pregnant!!" very sternly. My daughter asked Why? but before an answer was given, I interrupted and said of course you can have kittens, keep playing. Then I asked my stepdaughter to come with me out of the room and told her privately that I would prefer if she didn't say that to the girls.

She did not understand why it was innappropriate. I tried to explain that I will be very happy someday if my daughter gets pregnant, and has a baby. I don't expect her to get pregnant before she is ready ( I didn't, but my husband and my stepdaughter's mom were teenage parents.)

Anyway, now she is annoyed with me and I just brushed it off and went on making lunch and cleaning house. Frankly, the whole thing annoys me. I don't plan to bring it up later. As far as I am concerned it is settled. But, she is still acting standoff-ish. She will probably be fine in a couple of hours.

Can someone explain her side to me? What advice do you have?

Answer 1

It is understandable that shes anoid.

Answer 2

She's probably embarrassed. She said it to be helpful I assume, and then you told her off for it, so she feels a bit wronged by you, and also it's very difficult and awkward to be told off by a stepparent. Also taking her out of the room makes it seem like it's a much bigger thing than it is, reminds kids of standing in the "bad" corner. Maybe you should tell her it really was no big deal and not to worry about it.

She probably actually said it because your husband and your stepdaughter's mum were both teenage parents, and she thought she was educating your daughter. I don't think she meant it as a bad thing.

Answer 3

Unfortunately when kids turn into teenagers, something clicks in their brain that makes them grouchy and standoffish when called out on something or disciplined or told that something is wrong.

We all go through it.  Just talk to my mom she can tell you some of the huge yelling matches that we went through when I was your stepdaughter's age.

She probably didn't appreciate you interrupting and basically cutting her off and probably didn't like that you pulled her to one side to explain why you cut her off.  She's 15, she'll get over it.  And I'm sure when she's older she will probably end up doing a similar thing with her teenager.

Answer 4

It is hard for a 15 year old to understand the "thinking" of a 7 year old.  They think 7 year old play is stupid.  I constantly have to remind my 15 year old that my 6 yr old is "playing".  Just explain to the 15 year old that you are sorry if she thinks you over reacted but that it is great for kids to be able to pretend.  Tell her that because your daughter was a cat, she was having kittens in pretend, and that since she is only 7 the thought of actually being "pregnant" never crossed her mind.  Tell her that you are glad that she loves her sister and she has proven with her concern that she will be there to guide and protect her when she is older, but that for now, she needs to let her play pretend.

Answer 5

She's 15 and you corrected her, of course she's going to be b*tchy.

What she said is inappropriate, and IMO rather stupid to say to a 7 yo.

Doesn't matter. You are mom and what you say goes. It's not for her to mess up the girls mind.

Answer 6

Because she knows about her parents doing the  whole teenage parent thing, it has probably been engrained in her head about the mistakes her parents had made. So she only said what she was taught and at 15 can't distingush the pretending between two kids and their reality of them not knowing the "precedure" (aka: s*x) to have kittens. So if she knows the "precedure" I would explain to her that they are just harmlessly pretending and they wouldn't understand her outrage.  

Answer 7

She was just kidding. You should have just laughed it off instead of giving a lenghty explanation on when you would be happy if your 7 y/o daughter gets pregnant.

I think your step-daughter was just playing around...

Answer 8

Maybe you should explain to your stepdaughter that your daughter is young right now to understand about relationships and they are just playing.  Tell her you don't want the younger daughter to have more information than she needs right now.  Maybe the stepdaughter is just trying to be protective of her.  My daughter and my stepdaughter are both protective of eachother.

Answer 9

Well since i am her age, i understand why she thought it was so weird for you to think it was wrong of her. I mean she shouldn't have said it so seriosly, but with all the teen pregnancy going around, i understand her. She may have thought she was helping so then your very young daughter doesnt think she can have "kittens" at such a young age. Because kids that say such things may get it in their heads that "Ohkay i can have "kittens"." and then as they get older "Kittens" may change into Kids. Hope that made sence :/ Oh yeah, shes probably annoyed at you because you pulled her aside and told her it was wrong of her so say that, so she could be embarrased, And also some teens dont like it when they are wrong...I can sort of relate to that sadly lol.

Answer 10

She is probably still confused. It wasn't really inappropriate. teens will be teens they have no sense of desecration, I wouldn't bring it up again either. You should have just told you daughter that pregnant just means that you have a baby in you tummy and left it at that.

Answer 11

I am guessing that the 15 year did not listen to enough of what was going on to understand how the 7 year olds were playing.

The 15 year old also needs to understand that a 7 year old is too young to understand what the 15 year old said or why.

The 15 year old is obviously aware of the "birds and the bees" and she needs to be told that her 7 year olds aren't ready for that kind of information or knowledge.

It might be better to wait til her Dad is home and you can both explain it to her.  Its usually best for a 15 year old girl to hear this from another women, but in this case, hearing it from her Dad, assuming they have a good relationship, might be better.

Some of the other answer given here are excellent and some are not and I'm sure you can tell which is which.

Answer 12

You didnt do anything wrong..

She is just being a 15 year old... dramatic and selfish