My 15 year old daughter left 5 days ago and refuses to come home from her 18 year old boyfriends house?

Question

HELP! My 15 year old daughter left 5 days ago and is refusing to come home, She says she is moving out and wants to live with her 18 year old boyfriend and his family. Her dad passed away 4 years ago and she gets social security and wants me to sign that over which i use part of to pay rent for our home , I am hoping this is just a phase and she will come home, Her boyfriend has asperers and i do not like him,, she left before and i had the police escort me to his house to get her and she ended up hitting me and the police had to put her in handcuffs and she said she was going to kill herself so they took her to the hospital where they released her to me, she refuses counseliong and she is refusing to leave him,, he is such a bad person and i so want to go and get her but afraid she will just run away again, The mom of this 18 year old is letting her stay there, and i want her home, she wont talk to me about this and is crazy herself i believe so talking to her wont help . i do everything for my daughter, my life revolves around her and I dont know what to do other than tell her i love her and miss her and want her to come home. I did go meet with her today and she wanted groceries and money. I got her a couple of grocerys but not much as I dont want her to think she can just have her cake and eat it to so to say. What is my legal recourse on this issue and how do i get her away from this horrible boyfriend and to come home, I provide a good home for her and he is brainwashing her telling her I am an evil person, I live in CA, so not sure what the laws are about this. I am hoping she just comes home soon but am afraid the longer I let her stay there, the further she will be brainwashed and maybe just another week and she will miss being in her own bed with her things, HELP!!

Answer 1

Hi i have a 14 year old daughter who has desided to live home without my premisson and now her boyfreind,s mony wants the money i get for her . I have had the police at my home due to her starting. My daghter had lost a baby earlyer this year and thats why she desided to move out i think. I have involed socail severices due to this. Now her boyfreinds mother is saying that she has perantal responably over my daughter but she hasnt any paperwork saying this.

All i want is for her to come home ,i love her so much and think that she should be back at home for her own good along side her brother and sister

Answer 2

I know how hard this is for you, I went through the same situation. I gave my daughter food ,clothes etc because I couldn't bare the thought of her being cold or hungry, for me what worked was tough love.No means No don't let her wear you down with guilt remind her if shes doing it tough it is a choice she made and choices have consequenses(she needs to learn that you will not always be at her beck and call as you are a person with a life that is not all about her)

Let her go tell her you love her and she is always welcome back home when she is ready to be respectful toward you and be part of the family.

Tell her as a mother you worry about her but you are letting her live her life but she must call you every 2 days to let you know that she is ok or you will report her to the police as missing person if you don't hear from her, when she calls you try not to ask questions tell her your happy she is doing well thanks for calling (keep it brief) I found my daughter began looking forward to the contact with me as she was actually missing me.

Start inviting her for dinner and chat about pleasant things, show her you are fine without her and that you are not upset because she is not living with you and as hard as it may be try to be pleasant to her boyfriend, it probably won't last but she won't resent you for the breakup.

When she does ask to come home let her know the rules and limits (keep them loose like repect for you, letting you know who shes with, where and when shell be home.) Make it clear it is her choice to be there you are not making her stay so that she can't threaten it in the future.

I felt as though my daughter would never ever return home but she did, it took 12 months and a lot of heart ache but she is back and things are so much better,I also found a parent support group that were going though the same thing and this really helped me.

good luck

Answer 3

You still have legal rights over her.  You can put a restrained order on him and his mother.  The boyfrind and mother can get in trouble with the law if your doughter is found with them, i had to do this with her hangging out with a 18 year old i called the police they went over and told the mother that my  doughter was not allowed over there and not allowed with her son.  Problem solved.  You have plenty of time to help her do it now you still have 3 years.  and last, pray and give her to the Lord.