My 16 year old daughter says I'm unfair, because I won't let her smoke in the house. Do you agree?

Question

I discovered yesterday that my 16 year old daughter has been smoking for a year after I found cigarettes in her room. Instead of trying to hide the fact that she was smoking, she totally owned up to it, told me that her boyfriend buys them for her (because she's not old enough) and when I came down stairs this morning she was happily puffing away at the breakfast table. When I asked her to put her cigarette out she refused and said that now I know, she should be allowed to smoke inside. She tried to pull the it's better that I'm smoking at home line, than out doing stuff that I don't know about, but I'm not buying it.

As much as I think smoking is a disgusting habit and I'm very disappointed in my daughter, I can't physically make her quit. But I think I have every right to refuse that she smokes in the house, particularly as no one else in the family smokes and that her younger brother has asthma.

Do you think that I'm right in not letting her smoke inside? Or is she right in saying that it is better that she smokes at home, instead of being off somewhere else doing even worse stuff that I won't know about? I think that she could at least smoke in the garden.

Also would you punish your child if you found out they had been smoking since they were 15? If so, what do you think is a suitable punishment? Or is it punishment enough that she is choosing to kill herself slowly, by puffing away on those cancer sticks?

Answer 1

You are to not stict enough. I would stop the boyfriend from comming around becouse he is getting her into smoking and I would not give her any money to buy the cigarettes becouse it is not safe for you or her younger brother. If she doesnt like it i would tell her if she grown enough to smoke she's grown enough to move out if she doesnt obey the rules. My mother always told me bad association spoils useful habits so watch who you let your kids hang with or date (too young to date). by the way im 22(wise)

Answer 2

When she owns the home and pays the rent then she can decide if she smokes inside. It's rude and selfish to make others have to deal with what she is doing inside the house.  I'm not sure if you can truly punish her at this point, but you can make boundaries on what you are willing to deal with and what you are not willing to deal with.  She wouldn't walk into someone else's home and light up, would she?  She would have the courtesy to step outside for a few moments to get her fix.  I understand her situation, since I too was a smoker at 15 and told my mother about it, but I NEVER subjected my family to second hand smoke.  I smoked outside and I didn't do bad stuff becuase my mother wouldn't let me smoke inside.  That's just a cop-out.  Good luck!

Answer 3

she shouldn't be smoking at all.

it's illegal

tell her she's luck you dont' call the cops

Answer 4

Smoking = Bad.

Either punish or kick her butt outside to smoke. Dont let her do it inside!

Answer 5

smoking is bad

mmmkay

Answer 6

well if you slap the c**p out of her when she was small she wouldbe afraid of u and not smoke and i say i sorry if you feel offende it but this is the only way people aretoo nice to children u should slap her the dayu got to know and told her you stop smoking or ill throw u out believe me she would stop and if she is stubborn you must be afraid she'll dosomehingrong rrun away then u are wrong if u slapped herwhenshe wasyoung then she would think off the consequences if she touched a stick and she would care about her future im not trying to be rude this is true there s something called fear and respect when a chilkd grows they should understand limits and resoect parents not be afraid of em but if you were strickter and taught her valuesshe would not be able to puff smoke in your face and disresepect u  iknow u lover her but if you don't give tough love next time u may find outsomething wore control hernowgive freedom utnotway toomuch nextthing u know mom ilike drugs

Answer 7

you're a bad mother, don't let her take advantage of you.. she's only 16 don't fail at life... do you expect everyone to hold your hand and raise your kids for you?

Lock her in her room and take EVERYTHING away... they only say they hate you but you and they know that they don't really mean it... cmon...

This is why dumb people shouldn't have kids...

Answer 8

i'm not a mother,but if I say your child should (obviously) not be smoking and you might want to help her quit,She may think that by doing this you don't love her,but one day she'll totally understand.

Answer 9

tell her to shove it up her *** and obey you

Answer 10

You shouldn't let her smoke at all, inside or outside

Answer 11

Hmm. It's to late to punish them, they are already set in there ways. It's your home your rules if they dont like it theres the door

Answer 12

UHHHH hello yea ground her  

Answer 13

I think you're a bit dim for letting your daughter smoke in the first place...

Take it away, take away her license and car (if she has one) and lock her in her room if needbe. She's underage, she's under your care, she doesn't have the RIGHT to smoke. It's ILLEGAL.

And yes you can make her physically quit, stop letting her walk over you.

Answer 14

It's your house, you're the boss, you make the rules.

Answer 15

She shouldn't be smoking in the first place and you should encourage her to stop if she wants to live a long and fulfilling life.

Answer 16

first off shes not even old enough to smoke so you shouldnt let her smoke!!

and second off its YOUR house, so you should tell her NO!!! and be done with it

Answer 17

Ouch, that's rough. Don't go blaming yourself though, you love your daughter and I'm sure you tried your hardest to steer her away from idiotic behavior like that.

I'm 16, and I'm pretty sure you should lay down the law about this. You are the head of the household and she has no right to pollute your home. If she cant respect your rules, you should of course do something about it!

Try to compromise with your daughter, she is right that she could be doing worse things. Maybe suggest she smokes outside or only in her bedroom away from your son. (Maybe get your son to ask her to stop, smoking will obviously be a bother for him and he has just as much of say of whether or not she should smoke in the home he lives in.)

It is her body and her choice what she puts into it, so I don't think its fair for you to punish her, let her discover for herself what an idiot she is being. Leave out a few things to show the effects of smoking like books, but defiantly don't force her to look at them! If I were her, being forced to do something would just make me want to do it more.

Its great knowing there's moms out there who really do care about their children as much as you do. Your a real role model and I really look up to you for asking for help when you obviously don't know what to do. It makes young people like me realize that we can ask for help when were stuck too.

Hope everything turns out!

Answer 18

Well no. Smoking is bad anyways, and your letting her do it, and she needs to appreciate that. She needs to follow your rules or the cigs go byebye.

Thats how i would deal

Answer 19

she shouldnt smoke at all!

im 15 i think its disgusting =]

Answer 20

smoking=cancer

dont let her smoke in the house!

whatchoo thinkin woman!?!?!?

Answer 21

She is not old enought o be smoking. Be a mother and not let her til shes old enough to buy them herself, with her own money.

Answer 22

You are being very fair. Most parents would ban her from smoking anywhere(I know thats what I would do). I don't know how to punish her, but I would go over the dangers of smoking with her, but you are right, only she can decide to quit.

Answer 23

im 15, ive never smoked.

my mom would have killed me.

my mom deff. would punish me...forever. haha

she deserves to be punished.

Answer 24

From experience..if you try to stop her from smoking all together i gurantee that it wont work..so dont try and stop her..but if she's gonna smoke..she needs to respect your rules and not smoke in the house..tell her she has two options..quit all together or do it outside where you cant see or smell it...plus i have asthma and i know what that can do to ya..so make her understand that its not okay for her to do that.as far as punishment..there's not much you can do.maybe not let her see her boyfriend..but then she'll become more rebellious and then you'll have even bigger problems.

Answer 25

I'm a teenager myself and i have lots of friends that smoke. You cant make her stop, but you can tell her why you wont let her smoke in the house. I think punishment is in order.

Take things that she loves away from her. Mabey her cigarettes.

Answer 26

You were beyond fair.

I would have grounded her for a long period of time without cigarettes.

I think you would be a bad parent if you let her smoke at all on your property!  

Answer 27

I'm not smoker, not interested in smoking, and dont want to smoke in the future either. i think its a waste of time & money. so yep youre doing the right thing, and 16 is underage, she shouldnt be smoking anyway.

Answer 28

Tell her to smoke outside.  If she doesn't listen call the cops.  They'll talk to her.  Smoking in the house is disgusting enough, age aside.  She's polluting your air and anyone else's that lives in that house.

Answer 29

Don't under ANY circumstance let her smoke in the house and when you find them take them away. Say she will not do illegal things in your house and if she feels the need she can do them elsewhere !!

Answer 30

All I can say is that your not unfair because you just CARE for her. Besides, smoking is a form of killing oneself... and I think you should stop her before she become very addictive to cigarettes. I think her boyfriend is a bad influence to her so if you can, talk to her bf...

Answer 31

Tell her she cannot smoke in the house. She's selfish. Not only is she damaging her own health, but yours and the rest of your family!

Lay down the law. Tell her to suck it up and smoke ELSEWHERE.