My 17 month old daughter is having tantrums about everything! Help!

Question

She has always been a firecracker but recently she throws tantrums about the smallest of things. She will get very angry. She is also trying to slap at us and be very defiant when given direction about something - ex. "Do NOT throw your cup one the ground (when sitting in the high chair.) She will look at us with a straight face and do it anyway. She is like this about almost everything.

It may be hard to believe but she really is a good girl unless it comes to testing us.

We have tried time outs, popping her hands, telling her NO, etc.

What should we do?

Her older sister never did this at her age - if she did act out, correction worked. It is not working this time around. What can we do so that this doesn't get worse as she gets older? Help!

Answer 1

Every child (as well as adults) have different personalities. The same thing that worked with your older daughter  may not work with your 17 month old.

If she's seeking negative attention try to give her positive attention before she acts out for the negative attention. If it's not doing any harm, don't give her any attention for it (thats my opinion though) because then you won't be reinforcing it, if she is outright throwing a tantrum i would just have everyone leave the room so that she doesn't get anything out of it.

When she misbehaves, instead of saying "no.." "don't..." try saying it in a more positive way such as "we don't hit each other in this house".

If she drops her cup off the table to test you, maybe just get her to help you clean it up.

Try to find an acceptable way for her to express anger such as stomping her feet or teach her some simple words to use. And don't forget to praise her for good behaviour (i'm glad you used your words) and also praise your older daughter infront of your younger daughter so she can copy the acceptable behaviour.

But you seem to be dealing with it well, it probably is just a phase. Good luck!

Answer 2

hehe everyone is different. time out one minute only, she is too young for more. take away the cup or whatever else she is using, say sorry you threw it you dont get it. consistent. gotta love em.  

Answer 3

Rather than demanding that she not do something that's bad/wrong, calmly explain why she shouldn't be doing it and redirect her to doing something else.

Answer 4

punish her.

i wouldnt hit her tho.

but be serious about the punishments. FIRM!

Answer 5

ignore her when she does something like that...you're just giving her the attention that she wants. Reward her when she does something good

Answer 6

My second child is currently 17 months old, and she too has these tantrums.  Throwing things (particularly food/cups) on the floor, screaming just to be heard, slapping us, and pulling hair/biting big sister.  I know a lot of it has to do with her age, and yes it is a stage that she is going through, but I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject to try and make this "stage" easier on all of us... and this is what I've read.  A lot of the tantrums are a result of 2 things, first that it is your child's need for attention, whether it be because she feels like there is competition between an older sibling and she wants you to be reminded you have more than one child, or she is just a ham and enjoys being the center of attention. No matter what, one of the worst things you can do is laugh or smile at things that are inappropriate, even if at first it is funny becaue it is just encouraging her to do it again.  The other possibility, or cause of tantrums could be a  result of not being able to communicate herself to you, and just imagine being in a room with people you know and love, you can understand everything they are saying, but don't know how to get their attention, or even ask them for something you want or need -- darn frustrating right?!  So without the words or ability to get her message across, she does whatever she can to get your attention, I know this information doesn't help the situation  right away, especially if it is causing harm to Mommy, Sibling, etc... but it can be used as a tool.  Instead of getting angry, frustrated or even punishing your child for these actions perhaps you try and listen to her closely, and see what she is trying to communicate to you.  One way that has helped us is by using simple American Sign Language Signs.  For whatever reason ASL is easier than English for children to learn, and use, at least at first.  It really isn't that hard for adults to pick up on either, if you take some time to learn them, and consistently use them. Time outs for a one year old child are not very beneficial in my opinion because by the time you put the child in the one minute time out, they have already completely moved on, and have no real remorse or understanding of why you are making them sit still for even the one minute.  You are better off just taking your child aside and trying to convey your how you are feeling about what they have just done.  Being over dramatic has worked well, because for kids, unless they can read it on your face, they don't always get it.  Especially if your child has already learned that giving you a make-up kiss will get her out of trouble. Another thing that sometimes works, and I know this is totally 90's in practice here, but reverse psychology.  Instead of telling your child NO!  rephrase what you tell her so it sounds like you really don't want the positive reaction to be the result.  An example of what I do with my child is when she is being a finicky eater I tell her "Don't eat that green bean" and she is such a pistol, that she does, just to see what I'll do next.  Eventually, she'll just move on from trying to get me riled up, and eat the rest of her lunch.  You could try that with the throwing things to the floor.  Try saying, don't you set _____ down on the table!  Anyway, I really hope that maybe some of what I have said helps you, I know I have been really working at helping my child not have tantrums, and some of this has helped us a great deal.  Good Luck!

Answer 7

She is testing the boundaries.  My son does the EXACT same thing (also 17 mos).  It can be very frustrating.  Most of the time we will try to immediately correct him by temporarily removing the food or yelling to try to scare him.  It doesn't really work anymore since now he knows thats as far as it gets.  The funny part now is that when he gets yelled at, he immediately tries to give me (or my wife) a kiss to "make up" for it (i guess??)  Too funny!

Answer 8

Surely shes a handful now lol

Probably she is trying to control both parents ...just let her know she wont win ,  dont punish her just show her tantrums dont work and means  nothing .....

Answer 9

OMG! I feel like I am reading a question about my own daughter! She acts the exact same way and she is the same age. As my mother always says, "this too will pass." basically it's a stage. i am pretty sure that my daughter will grow out of it as will yours. my niece was exatcly the same way, she is 6 now and she is super well behaved, she started growing out of it around 3 or 4. i am hopeful that my daughter will grow out of it sooner! good luck!