My 18 year old daughter is making us crazy!

Question

My 18 year old daughter is very defiant. She refuses to do anything around the house except continually mess up. My younger daughter and I have to clean up her mess all the time. If I ask her to do anything she just laughs in my face. There's not many privledges I can take away since she is 18 and she does what she wants. I suffer from severe anxiety and chronic insomnia. She tries to taunt me by singing out loud at the top of her lungs to try to upset me. And yes she succeeds!!. Because of my illness I have little strength. I am also a single parent during the week as my husband works in another state. I am at my wits end. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

She is 18. Tell her to get a job and get the heck out! You CAN legally kick her out. Change the locks. Tell her that until she can respect you and what is expected of her as an ADULT---to get out! Kick her out!  

Answer 2

Well if you cook for her stop dont do anything for her untill she does something for tell her to get a job and just take away anything she has that youve paid for and sell it

its not fair on you  or your other daughter

Answer 3

you an take all her clothes and give her an outfit you picked out a day. limit her showers and if she goes over turn the water off.

anything she leaves laying around the house throw it out.

change the locks of the house and when she is late to come home lock her out

shes 18 and in your house and she needs to learn this, if she doesn't like it kick her out

Answer 4

get 1 gun, an electric saw

and a drum of acid, you put the pieces together

but on the serious side you should pack up all her things when she away and threaten to kick her out if she doesn't start pulling her weight around. if you do choose to do it be very firm with what you say otherwise she'll just ignore it(and by firm i dont mean yelling just be very assertive) and if she is still gonna be stubborn  theirs always my 1st option

Answer 5

Make her pay rent, or kick her out unless she starts acting like an adult.

YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES

you shouldn't have to put up with her defiance and bad attitude,

especially with your illness.

And you have your other daughter to worry, who doesn't need attention stolen away by an ungrateful older sister.

Answer 6

Check out these links below.  I know the cases may not relate to your daughter, but the responses on the website include various discipline methods for 18 year old "adults".

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/dis...

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/a...

You could also hire a family counselor if nothing is working.

And if worse comes to worst and you don't mind doing it, call up Maury or Dr. Phil, and see if you can get on the show.  Those shows always seem to be turning undisciplined teenager's lives around.

Answer 7

i know this sounds harsh but i promise it will work! Kick her out of the house for 3, 4, maybe 5 days. Tell her if she doesnt want to go by your rules then she can make her own some were else. When she comes back she would have learned her lesson.

Answer 8

If you are her mother, you should always have the power to rule her. Why do you have to beg? Kick her out. Or maybe tell her how she is acting give her a deadline to clean it up, if she still dosent, give her the boot.

Answer 9

Get help for your issues. Insomnia is deadly!

It's a little too late to do the right thing now- raise her properly.

Anyway- it's your house/condo/apt whatever- she is not respecting your rules, so goodbye baby! Love her and help her move... give her the deposit and first months rent and send her on her way.

Always love and support her- but don't let her ruin YOUR home.

You have dealt with her BS for 18 years- she'll learn when she is the one struggling to make ends meet.

Answer 10

Kick her Butt out !!! I know this sounds harsh , but I also have a 18 yr old that does pretty much the same thing and if she was not leaving for college in 42 days she would be finding other living arrangments.

You have to consider how this effects your other children, and your own health for goodness sake !

If she is old enough to be a smart*** who is clearly unthankful for her posh living arrangments, then she is old enough to be launched into the real world and forge her own way. She needs a huge reality check.

Good luck

God Bless you  

Answer 11

She 18 tell her start looking for her own place, because she is not being appreciatable about the fact thats she is still living with you when she can legeally live on her own and you can kick her out.

Especially since she is being unmanageable to the point where she does things to mess up your illness. You do not deserve that. Tell her its time to go, its gana be hard because it seems hard to for you to even get her to clean, but you need to put your foot down and be firm.

Answer 12

Threaten to kick her out of the house if she doesn't clean up her act and her mess. And if she continues and doesn't listen, call the police and have them remove her from your house for trespassing. If needed, get a restraining order. The reason she laughs is to hide her defeat and insecurity when you tell her to do things. Just kick her out.  

Answer 13

Ignore her. She is just doing it to gauge a reaction out of you. Once you stop giving her the attention she desires she'll feel defeated and slowly try to win it back. Use this to show her how you feel when dealing with her.

Answer 14

Tell her that if she doesn't start doing her part, you'll kick her out of the house.  If she thinks you're lying, or that you can't do it, tell her the police will forcibly remove her if need be.

I understand that it's hard for you to cope, but you need to realize that, as things stand, she is a detriment to your well-being.  Try sitting her down and telling her straight-out how you feel and what you want to do, and if she's still defiant, then it's time for her to leave.

Answer 15

Time to take away the safety net until she learns a little responsibility & respect (something you should have taught her at a much younger age)...She has most likely gotten away with it all her life and sees no reason to change...so your only choice now is to send her out into the cold cruel world to fend for herself and see how far annoying others will get her.

Answer 16

kick her out.. she's 18 she a adult she can live on her own.. and if you dont think you can do it yourself call the cops and tell them you want her out and that she threats you by taunting you by your illness.. and change the locks

Answer 17

Yeah, tell her she's got like three weeks to get the f**k out of there unless she starts acting like an adult and displaying some kind of respect and compassion like a human being.  Right now it seems that she is lower on the evolutionary chain, like some kind of ape constantly flinging its f***s at others...she has problems.

Answer 18

You Might Try Telling Her If She Does Not Straighten Up -  Act Like An Adult And Treat You With Some Respect She Will Have To Move Out I Know It Sounds Harsh But Look At The h**l She Is Putting You Through Also Image What Watching Her Older Sister Put Her Mother Through Is Doing To Your Younger Daughter I Guarantee It Hurts Her 10 Times Worse That You Can Ever Imagine She May Start Resenting Her Older Sister For Hurting You.  

Answer 19

If she wants to live like an adult, then let her!  Tell her she can't live in your home unless she pays rent, buys her own food and clothes, and cleans up after herself!  I understand that this may be difficult and stressful, especially considering your anxiety, but it is the only solution I can see.  Your daughter can't act like an adult and a child at the same time.  She needs to choose between the freedom of adulthood and the rules of childhood.

Answer 20

She definitely should no longer be living in your house. Kick her out. See how much she enjoys being an adult and having responsibilities with nobody else to pick up after her or put food on her plate. I know she is your daughter but the way she treats you and your family is disrespectful.. just because she is 18 doesn't mean you have to take her #*$&. It's your roof she is living under, they are your SIMPLE RULES she has to follow. If she can't respect that, or you, she doesn't belong there any longer.

Answer 21

She's torn between wanting to be an adult, but still needing your support. Sit her down and tell her she is hurting you and her behavior needs to change, also remind her that although yes she is 18 she is still living under your roof and that behavior is unacceptable. If she wants privileges and to be treated like an adult then she needs to act like one.

Answer 22

Sorry, but it sounds like it's time for her to go. I don't believe in controling a young adult with the constant threat of eviction, but I wouldn't have an adult (or a kid for that matter) that doesn't respect me live in my house. She'd be welcome back when she learned some sense, but acting like that, she'd have to go.  

Answer 23

beat that girl till she bleeds.

ugh!

and if she's all grown up. tell her to pack her things and get out of the house!! tell her you dont want her, that shes the biggest dissapointment of your life, and that she is pure agony. get her out and dont let her in. shes stupid, and you deserve a better daughter. Your daughter is crazy.

kick her out

Answer 24

tell her that she is old enough and shouldnt act like a spooiled brat and that your younger daughter sets a better example than she should. and try to treaten her like you would kick her out of the house of something or you can tell her to move out of the house to live with her father.

or you can go somewhere like on a vacation with your younger daughter and leave your 18 year old alone in the house by herself(with some money but not more than needed) and return a few days later and see if she is really mature enought to take care of herself.

Answer 25

"You're my flesh and blood, and I'll always love you....

But you're outta here. Start packing."

Answer 26

Calmly and quietly explain to her one last time, in no uncertain terms that she has two choices. 1) Obey your rules. 2) Move out.

Have the rules written out in advance ready to discuss with her if she chooses the option to obey your rules. Pick your battles. Only choose rules that are very important to you.

Enforce your daughters choice. No looking back no second chances.

Answer 27

kick her out or threaten to kick her out, she lives under your house, she should respect you and your rules. I'm 23 and still living with my parents, I just graduated from college and I have no plans on moving out until 2 years or so... I hate doing chores, but I don't want to burden my parents even more, doing simple chores is the least I can do to help at home. Teach your daughter a lesson and see how she likes being homeless.

Answer 28

Refuse to buy her anything. And if she won't clean her room, whatever is a mess, take it. Take all the stuff that isn't cleaned up. And when she tells you you have know right to do that, tell her that if she lives under your roof, she follows your rules. Then don't give the stuff back till she cracks.

Answer 29

I realize this is just another voice to the overwhelming majority, but: kick her out. Don't offer any warnings or try to talk to her. Simply say, "This is my house and my money and I am not putting up with this. Leave."

Answer 30

if i was in your shoe's i would tell her the rules flat out and if she can't handdle them, then there's the door don't let it hit you in the butt as you leave, and when you talk to your husband tell that she mistreats you and does not shoe you any respect and that you are going to kick her out,and let him know your true feelings about your daughter, and be truthful with him and also be honst with yourself and good luck