My 18 year old daughter is preagant,?

Question

MY DAUGHTER IS PREGANT AND THE BOY SHE IS SEEING IS USING POT AND WILL NOT WORK, SO THEREFOR SHE IS MAD AT ME AND NOT SPEAKING TO ME BECAUSE I PLAINLY SAID HE WAS WORTHLESS AND THAT ALL HE WAS DOING WAS DRAING HER BANK ACCOUNT AND USING HER AND THIS BABY FOR A FREE RIDE PLEASE HELP I AM AT WITTS END AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATION ?                  SIGNED WITTS END MOTHER 2008

Answer 1

well to start off the last thing you want to do is to harp on her about the looser BF. thats just going to make it worse and she will turn on you not him. Hang in there and try to be there for her the best you can.. Even if that mean you have to run out side and scream before blowing at her... She needs you right now and needs to know that you support her.

Live and learn.

Answer 2

She's going to learn through life experience that you're right. She's mad because she thinks you're being unfair and judgmental. Unfortunately, only by making the (big) mistake she's making will she learn.

She's legally an adult, so tell her "congratulations, you just started living your own life. You'll have to be an adult and support yourself, the baby and the loser.   Since you insist on staying with him and he won't work, I'll not be helping out. . I love you and I'll be in my grandchild's life, but I can't stand by and watch you get dragged down by him".

Answer 3

Don't Make rude remarks about her babies father. It is very hurt full. Don't mess it up for the baby and the father.

Answer 4

my sister and her bf are in the same situation, she got pregnant when she was 17 about to be 18 and now she is 20, and has 2 kids..one is almost 2 years old and the other is 4 months

her boyfriend stays out getting drunk every night and never helps to support her, always going in and out of jail and getting in trouble.  

You have to make your daughter understand that she is gonna ruin her life staying with him.  She could do better.  She does not wanna be living in a beat up trailer park with no money, no life, no one there except for her babies and constantly having to worry about everything she has being repossessed

my sister tells me every day we talk about how she ruined her life and that she wishes she would have stayed in school, kept her job, and that she could leave him..but now she thinks its too late and shes to scared to leave him

try and get her some help before she gets too far into it

Answer 5

im sorry  but she is 18 and youll just have to let her make her own mistakes.

Answer 6

YES PLEASE DON'T TYPE LIKE THIS IT IS JUST TERRIBLE TO READ... GET A GRIP GIRL.

You lost your daughter years ago, hon... yeeeaaaaarrrrs.  

If you had been my mom, this is what would have been written  and taped to the inside of her bedroom door.  An idiot like this would never have gotten a second date with your daughter, much less impregnated her:

1.  The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry.  Choose with your head as well as your heart.

2.  Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support.  You may just have to

3.  At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs.  It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!

4.  Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it.  You absolutely will, and the more the better.

What can you do now?  

Nothing, hon, absolutely nothing, zero.  

Here's what will happen to her......  At 18 she has 18 years to put in raising this kid, pretty much alone.  The guy will leave, or be a dead beat dad.  They will have nor be able to acquire nothing.  And if she has another in two years, then 20 years are lost.

At 38 or 40, pushing middle age,  she gets her life back but with still no education, and no salable skills...... she'll spend all of her free moments trying to work at  dead end jobs, If this guy stays, she might think another kid will bond them... it won't, but she'll get preggo again, and he'll either suck off of her, or leave.  Then she will sleep with some other guy to trap him with another pregnancy to support the child(ren), and they 'll as well, leave her..usually about the time the kid is 18 months.  At this point, she's pushing 24, with two or three kids, and no partner, and no guy will even date her, except for a booty call... and maybe another pregnancy....  It is a pattern so typical as to be script for a show on tv.....except in this case, it is real.  

40% of all kids are now unplanned, and 60% of black kids are in single parent homes.... sick, sad.  It's about this for Latina women, and about 30% for whites.  Far less for Asians here in the US.

I'm sorry I have no good news... sad for you, sad for her, and saddest of all for unwanted and unplanned for children.....

Answer 7

IT WOULD HELP IF YOU DIDN"T TALK LIKE THIS! .... geeee, calling her worthless is sure a good way to help.. no. Be there for her, comfert her. Possibly suggest adoption. It would be better for the baby and the mother.

good luck.....

Answer 8

PLEASE DONT TYPE LIKE THAT IT ISN"T VERY PLEASENT TO READ IS IT?

your daughter is going to have to learn, if she doesn't want to hear it from you, she'll learn it the hard way. He will have o pay support, make sure you get on that so he's not just sitting around, when the court decides to talk to him, he'll probably get scared and realize what he has to do.

Answer 9

There is nothing you can do. She is an adult legally. Tell her that she is now on her own. You can't protect her from her own stupidity. You have done all you can. I know that it is hard but this is the only way she will learn. Step back and let it happen.

Answer 10

i know that you are upset, but there is not much that you can do. your daughter will learn all of this in due time.

the best thing that you can do for right now is be supportive of her and help her through her pregnancy. leaving him out of the picture as much as possible and if he has to be there, tolerate him the best that you can. try not to threaten him or talk bad about him or to him. this will push her away from you, and that is not what you want.

you can tell her (and i worked in a hospital for 5 years), that they will test her and the baby for drugs and they will find it if she is using or even inhaling the 2nd hand smoke, the child services will take the baby from her and him before they leave the hospital and it is truly a pain to get the baby back.

that may wake her up a little bit but i doubt it.

try to get the couple to do Lamaze classes and parenting classes together, if you can, the drug testing will be brought up in both which will save you having to tell them about it.

sorry that you are in this situation, good luck to you.

Answer 11

this is her problem and her mistake. it's not unusual that shes not gonna take your advice and be angry at you.

my suggestion is just let her learn the hard way and when she needs help later in life... remind her of this. the guy does sound worthless. perhaps try introducing her to new guys?

Answer 12

She's an 18 year old adult who has a child on the way, if she hasn't figured out yet that she needs to straighten her life out and force the baby's daddy to work shes in for a world of trouble.

Threaten the baby's daddy to get a job or convcince your daughter to take him to court.

Answer 13

Tell her about what the boyfriends smoking can do to a young undeveloped immune system. Talk to the boys parents about this. Even if shes pretending not to listen, keep talking, she can still hear you, just talk a bit louder if shes in the room next door. Or if shes in her bedroom, stand out side the door, and just talk to the door.

Answer 14

Well, I too was a teenage mother whose boyfriend sounded IDENTICAL to your daughters.  And my mother reacted the same way, which just made me want to run away.  Then she stepped back, and let me take in the situation,and I had to decide what was best for my child. I'd love to tell you that everything worked out perfect, but truth be known, there were court dates, restraining orders, custody battles, and many many nights where I cried myself to sleep.  It's been 4 years, he gets her every other weekend, and he just recently started acting like  a parent.  But what helped me was my mother (even though not at first) was very..i wouldn't say supportive, she had more of the "you got yourself into this mess, you're gonna work through it" attitude..made me grow up fast...and she never acted disgusted with me or ashamed of me. You gotta remember, your daughter is scared and feels like her world is crumbling around her too. You could have talked yourself blue in the face but your daughter will always think SHE knows whats best for her! So, its not a bad parenting issue on your part, just a poor decision on hers! Don't you remember being that age?  Don't let her get off easy..by always babysitting or always bailing her out in financial situations.. make her work for her child, not work for her boyfriend, HE should be the one breakin his back to support them--whether he does or not is a different story..i know! Make it known that you've raised your kids, and you're not about to raise hers too...prepare her for the harsh reality, if i may. BUT...the world is not coming to an end..and you're gonna have a beautiful grandchild by the time its done and over with. *deeeep breath* It will all be alright, i've been down this road not once, but twice!! I've finally found Mr. Right and my mother has two beautiful grand daughters and a grandson on the way..and she couldnt be more proud of how i've handled everything, and the way my kids have turned out, but i couldnt have done it without her. Be strong Momma! She really does need you no matter how much she acts like she doesn't!

Answer 15

You should discuss with her the facts of adult life, costs of child rearing and the stresses of same. It sounds like she should put it up for adoption. Alternatively, you could put her up for adoption. Lastly, you could put yourself up for adoption.

Answer 16

It's her life and her choice.   She didn't choose your husband did she?   Maybe she sees something in him that you don't, maybe she is looking through rose-colored glasses for now.  Either way.....it is her decision, not yours.   I understand that you are worried.....I have a daughter that married a 'stable' man and after a couple of years, he decided he didn't need to work (nobody paid him what he was 'worth'), so she has been supporting the family (w/3 kids), going to school, etc., while he plays games on the computer.   After 9 yrs, I have given up.......they know how I feel and it is useless to say anything.    It is her decision, I love her, so I shut my mouth for now......if he ever hits her, etc......God help him though.

Answer 17

I would strongly encourage you to try to talk your daughter into giving this poor baby up for adoption.

It doesn't stand a chance if you don't.

Answer 18

the more you push at her, the further you will push her away. you have to learn to just keep things to yourself and let her do what she is going to do. eventually she will learn for herself. as long as she is willing to step up and do what she has to to care for her child, there isnt much you can say. however, if she is trying to bum off you, make her get her own place, get a job, etc so she can see how hard it is and realize that she needs someone to help her and not a dead beat dad.