My 18 year old daughter just came out to me?

Question

My problem isn't with my daughter. I love her and accept her. She hasn't changed at all, I just know something else about her. Great kid, good student, full scholarship to college, good sense of humor and well rounded. I feel honored to be her mom.

The problem is her girlfriend's mom hasn't had the same reaction. She is attacking the relationship and the girls. She says they are going to h**l, is talking about moving away to keep them apart, cries and yells a lot... etc. (her daugther is 17)

How do I help my daughter deal with this other mother and understand that some people react this way?

and

How far do I let it go before I tell this woman to back the h**l off my kid?

Answer 1

I'm really glad and proud of you for taking the news so well. You see first hand how *some* people take it.

First off, your daughter needs to know she cannot do anything of sexual nature with this girl UNTIL she is 18. You don't want to end up in court over some statutory rape thing. This mother is beyond shocked and stressed right now. It's no telling the lengths she'll go.

Secondly, her mom seems a bit unrealistic and unstable (right now) due to the news no doubt... so tell your daughter that her and her gf need to cool off (just a little). Watch having phone calls around the mom and such- until she gets use to the idea. Don't *rub it in her face*. Or anything. I think that girl needs to build her relationship back with her mom a little. Go shopping, out to lunches, play some tennis whatever. Suggest she spend some time with her own mom so her mom can see she still the same little girl she has always loved.

They will be going to college soon, right? The mom can't have a say then.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

i would let them sort it out themselves as their old enough to make decisions.

if it ever comes to threats to your daughter..

kick her ***!

Answer 3

it's great that you are so good about accepting your daughter for who she is, more parents should be like this.

i think that the best way to help your daughter deal with the other mother is just to tell her to ignore her. also, you helping your daughter's girlfriend get through this will help your daughter by making it easier for the both of them. even if it's just letting her know that if she needs something your there or helping her out, small things can make a big difference.

i think that you should tell the other mother to back off of your daughter immediately because it's not her daughter and not her business; she has no right to parent your daughter and her reaction to her own daughter shows that she is not fit to parent anyone, much less your kid.

Answer 4

Your daughter is an adult.  You should let her try to handle the situation on her own.  If she needs your help she will ask for it.  If you go and confront the other mother it just might make it all the worse for the other girl.  If she can just wait it out until the girls 18th bday she can move out from her mothers house.

Answer 5

Well, I would just like to say that you were great about handling this situation. But on the other hand, when your daughter starts to get upset you must sit her down and be level with her. Reassurance is key. Talk to her, be proud of her for keeping the relationship together. Give her a hug, hugs always work.

Now, when it comes to the mother, you need to be calm. And for the heck of it (if the mom wants to get a restraining order...always be prepared) when you talk to her, have a tape recorder in your back pocket. I would sit the woman down and say:

"Look, apparently you don't see your beautiful child getting hurt by your hysterics. I suggest you stop speeching to my daughter, and be more supportive of yours."

Something like that should do it.

Answer 6

You've waited long enough to tell the women to back the h**l off your kid.  OK gut reaction, maybe you're right to wait a bit. I guess that depends on how your daughter is taking it.

First I want to say, its so nice that you are supporting your daughter and are not losing your mind and doing the oh woe is me c**p. The girls need you in their corner now more than ever. Its so sad that the other mother is having such a reaction. Your daughters are young and its a shame they have to deal with this ugliness now but I guess its inevitable in this day and time.

The other mom may never change her mind totally and its going to get worse before it gets better I think. My best friend went through this a long time before I ever meet her or her mother. My friend has been in a relationship with the same women for 25 plus years so her mom has had time to deal with it. I understand that it was much as you says going on with your daughters girl friend when she came out.

Its hard for people to live and let live for some reason. They need to interfere and try to FIX things they don't understand. Or hide behind religion when it suits them.

I imagine you'll get a few of those post here.

Good luck to you and your girls. I say your girls because I have a feeling the girl friend may need you in her corner.

Good for you Mom for being there.

Answer 7

First off, good for you for not looking down on your daughter.  More parents need to be like you.  As for everything else, im sure your daughter knows that people are just evil.  If her gf's mother is saying and yelling at your daughter, you should tell her to back off now.  Her taking her daughter and moving away is not going to make her straight, and she needs to see that.

Answer 8

I agree with smwat03.

:]

And,there are parents like that,she would probably do the same with a boy...or at least some people are...

She doesn't need her mom's approval,and her mom will get over it someday.

And it's GREAT that you aren't like her.