My 18 year old daughter refuses to clean her room she is about to graduate from high school has a pt. time job

Question

claims she doesnt have time to clean room she smoke drinks and lies to us about it never introduces us to her so called boyfriends argues with her mom and states that she cant wait to leave the house but expects us to put in half for a purcahse of a car.

Answer 1

She is legally an adult. There isn't much you can do unless you want to kick her out.

Answer 2

Tell her she is invited to leave NOW. As an adult you expect her to act as such in your home. Charge her rent for her room and tell her you will reduce the rent when it is clean and acceptable. Tell her there is no way you are going to help her purchase a car because she has not earned that and does not deserve it. THEN tell her what she has to do to earn it. And when she turns 18, tell her you are tied of the lies and rudeness and that you want her to leave. THEN tell her what she has to do to stay.

Answer 3

It's her room, close the door and let her live in a dump.

As long as she is disrespectful to you, she doesn't deserve help with buying a car.

When she leaves and tries it on her own, she will soon learn it's not a picnic to grow up.

Answer 4

go to her room and fill up all the junk in a garbage bag

and when she asks for all her stuff back tell her next time she wont get it back unless her room isnt clean

Answer 5

She is 18 and wants to act like a grown up so treat her like one.....Make her pay rent, pay for her own car,insurance,food,etc.etc.. Don't loan her money if & when she asks for it.If it doesn't change her attitude at least it will teach her how to do things for herself and maybe give her a little more respect for what you have done for her.

Answer 6

and if you actually go in halves on that car...youll know why she treats you that way....it would be a cold day in h**l before i helped her buy a car if she has money to smoke and drink on and cant even clean her room. and besides...shes 18..if all else fails kick her butt out.

Answer 7

Hm, sounds like my sister... except she hates work so much she doesn't want to work at all and knows nobody's buying her lazy butt anything. In my family, you're responsible to buy your own things as soon as you get a job... at 18 at the latest. My parents have always been poor, so we all always knew we'd have to earn the money ourselves, and I've never felt bitter about that. It's important. If she want's a privilege like driving, she needs to earn it herself. You know she's lying about not having time, and the smoking and drinking... I'm surprised she's still there. If she wants to leave so badly, she should shape up and prove she can take care of herself. My sister's trying to find a job she can enjoy so she can move out in a few months, but she still makes a mess, lies and does all that... if I knew what to do, I'd have helped to do it. At this age, they know what they want and think they know how to get it, but it's all wrong. I've never understood teenagers, even when I was one!! Sorry, I know this wasn't much help, just wanted you to know you aren't alone out there.   : /

Answer 8

Hate to tell you this... but you have a typical 18 year old girl. Honestly, every girl goes through a "rebel" stage... she can't be THAT bad if she holds a part time job and is planning to get a car. Just try not to hassle her so much and hopefully she will come to you. I am 19 now... and at 18 I was also drinking.. (not smoking though)... It is just a way of life nowadays... it's dumb but it's true haha. Just try to be open with her.. I know that since my mom has always been open and honest with me, I was also open and honest with her. She knew I drank and instead of freaking out she just said.. "if you need me to pick you up when your drunk never hesitate to call".. we had open conversations so that she always knew where I was and what I was doing. I think that this is the best way to handle the situation. Just try to be more open and accepting of your daughter and that way she will be open with you. Even if you don't want your daughter drinking and smoking.. would you rather her talk to you about it (and you know what she is doing)... or freak out everytime she tells you and therefore she will lie to you.

I am an honours University student... full time job... my own car... etc. This just proves that just because an individual is doing something that may seen "wrong" to a parent.. doesn't mean you should give up hope.

Cleaning your room is a small thing compared to building a trusting relationship with your children. Maybe offer her a reward for cleaning.. I know that I hated cleaning because I was exhausted and my mom offered to help.. we went through my stuff and threw out what I didn't need.. and gave the rest of my "good" stuff that I wasn't using to the poor.

Just try to be creative and don't make it such a HUGE deal. Honestly, it may seem like you are telling your daughter to basically misbehave or do bad things... but when it doesn't seem like a big deal... your daughter won't see it as such.

Hope this helps:),, oh and I believe that you are a male haha.. but I talk about my mother because I haven't lived with my dad for about 5+ years

Answer 9

I think it's curious that your daughter is smoking, drinking, lying, hiding her boyfriends from you, and you are concerned with the cleanliness of her room.

How is she meeting her boyfriend if she doesn't have a car?  When and where is she smoking/drinking?  

Are you concerned she will become pregnant?  Are you concerned she will try crystal meth?  Are you concerned she will be killed in a drunken car accident?  These things happen every day in America and your daughter is heading down the path to make any one of these things happen.

It really sounds like you have lost complete control of the situation and need immediate help.  I hate to be so blunt, but if you care about your daughter you should work on fixing the situation.  Buy a book on parenting teenagers and go to a family counselor/therapist right away.

Answer 10

I agree with the first person. Put all of her things in a bag and put them in your room and lock the door and tell her she can't have anything back unless she cleans her room. She's still under your roof so she has to listen, regardless if she's considered an adult legally. The only other option you have is to kick her out.