My 18 year old left home and then text me to let me know. she went to her boyfriends parents? the parents are?

Question

allowing her to stay there. what kind of world do we live in? this is a child who never got into any trouble. she struggled in school and had a low self-esteem. her dad is in our house but isn't much into communicating with our two girls. our 18 year old won't talk with us except for by e-mail. how do you give all you have to someone for 18 years and then they go 7 days and 8 nights and she doesn't want to speak to me or see me? how do you go on? she also left her cat here, her cat not ours. any suggestions?

Answer 1

Well shes not a little girl anymore i mean shes 18 she probabley let home to have some freedoom i mean she old enough to know the dangers you need to let go at the fact you little girl is no longer a child and you need to realease her and well the cat will have to stay i mean its use to living with you as well but text her and tell her that the cats ill or something i don't know or take it round her bfs parents where shes staying  

Answer 2

I am also an 18 year old and am in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I are engaged, but my mother doesnt want me to move in with him. I understand her fear, I am afraid as well. I dont know if this is the way youre daughter feels but I know when I met my boyfriend I felt instantly in love. It was like I had a real, honest and love male figure in my life! From what I read above it seems like her dad really isnt too involved with her. She probably feels so attached to her boyfriend because he is a male and pays attention to her and loves her. He might be a father figure in her eyes. My family and I have gone to therapy over the last couple months and my father has been a lot more involved. He takes me out to eat and asks how my boyfriend and I are doing...and you know, the desire to move in with my boyfriend and his parents has almost left. I feel like I am loved again and apart of my family. I dont feel afraid, like I need to be around my boyfriend to know that someone loves me and is going to take care of me because I know that my Father is there. Like I said I honestly dont know if this is youre daughters situation, but I do know I had low self esteem, had a few boyfriends, was a 4.0 student in highschool...but when I met my boyfriend everything changed. Try to get youre daughter to come back home, get her father involved and if you have to go to therapy. My parents are strict christians and were against going to therapy at first, but it has done our family so much good, and has been able to show me that other people really do love me as much as my boyfriend does. :) hope this helps if you have to go and get youre daughter she really does need you!!

Answer 3

Just be there and hopefully she will come around. If you are very hard on her or strick then that is probably why she doesn't want to talk to you in person or on the phone. She is probably scared of you. I left my parent's house at 18 to live with my now husband too. I only wish I was as lucky as your daughter. My mother didn't want anything to do with me and she still doesn't. You should go to the boyfriend's house just to talk to her. Don't pressure her into coming home. I know she is your baby but she is 18. Just tell her you miss her and she is always welcomed in your home no matter what and that you undestand she is an adult and you may not like her decisions but you are willing to accept them so that the two of you can still have a relationship. It should work just treat her like an adult and not a child because chances are thats what is bothering her.

Answer 4

She's not a baby anymore..The day I graduated high school I moved into my boyfriend's parent's house..and I'm almost 21 and we live on our own now..the only reason I moved out was because i found out I was pregnant 2 days prior to graduation...I never got into trouble and I graduate with honors and in the nation honor society..jus because ur SMART AND GOOD doesn't make u bad because you wanna move out...I'm going to college right now. Don't worry she'll be fine she's ready to make a life of her own give her time and she will start talking to you..Just take car of her cat she will aprreciate it

Answer 5

Sounds like she doesn't feel loved to me. This is often why girls/young women seek it out in men/boys and have s*x.

Answer 6

Pack the rest of her clothes and belongings, along with the cat, and take them over to her new abode.  Tell her that if she wants to talk that you are willing to listen and that your door is always open.  This is hard to do, but if she thinks that she can just come and go and not give any thought to your feelings, then she needs to learn a hard lesson.

Answer 7

You must be sad and hurt.  I feel for you.  She may not think there is anything wrong with talking to you by text and email.  Her generation is perfectly comfortable with this form of communication.  But understandably, you want to see her face to face and get some answers to your questions.  Even at 18, she must have had a reason for leaving.  Some possibilities are:

1. She is angry with you or wants to get away from your home for some reason.

2. Her boyfriend is just more important to her than her family right now; it's not really about you, she just wants to be with him and didn't consider how this might hurt you.

3. She is hiding something that she doesn't want to tell you right now, and talking to you might make that harder.

4. She is afraid that if she talks to you, you will try to get her to come back home.

Could any of these apply?  

My suggestion would be to take the cat and go over to her boyfriend's house and tell her she forgot something and you're just bringing it to her.  The cat is a great excuse to talk to her.  If she still won't talk to you, leave the cat there and let her make the next move.  Write her an email message telling her how you feel.  Let her know that you will be there for her no matter what and that she's always welcome to come back.  You hope she will.

Some kids just can't wait to leave home.  That big world out there just seems so exciting.  But it wears off when they find out how hard it is, or when they break up with their boyfriends, or when they run out of money.  Most grown kids do "come back," if only in terms of their relationships with their parents.

Hang in there and be patient.  

Answer 8

well, she's not a child - she's an adult who needs to make her own decisions. It's not that she doesn't WANT to speak to you, she's not intentionally hurting you in anyway, she's just more excited about this trip and everything, she probably is unaware that you feel bad when she does this. Don't make it sound like life or death, she'll come back. She's going to do stupid things, which at the time, will probably feel fine or just unimportant - and when she matures she will realize that talking to you is important. And another thing, when you say she only talks to you by email, that means she's either in college and doesn't live with you, or you're over-doing this whole thing. Now if she doesn't live with you, that's actually very common. She's trying to squeeze you in her new found life, and she most likely thinks it's "just the same" - and you disagree. Now, if you live together - then it sounds like you're TRYING to feel bad for yourself, because you can break this habit easily. Go to her room and talk, say hello, how was your day?, be social! And if she doesn't live with you, then call her - say hey, I was just thinking about you. Or hey, what's up? or even: we haven't talked in awhile, what's going on in your life? - just make an effort, and she'll respond. Most likely she's only "doing this" because of ease and misunderstanding - plus she's not going to make the effort, that'd be "too much work" - you have to understand it's not intentional and if you make the effort, odds are she'll respond to you - and if she doesn't, maybe it's just a bad time for her. It's going to get frustrating and you're going to get mad, but you're working around her schedule.

Now, if it seems like you understand what's above, and what she's doing is intentional, then tell her to sit down and talk to you. Child or not, you're her mother and what you say goes. She might say "Mom, I have to go." or "Mom, not now." - but tell her you don't care, to sit down and talk. Tell her that you do not understand why she is behaving this way and she needs to cut it out because it hurts you. Make up some rules or just talk, whatever, but let her know that if she's mad at you or whatever, it's unacceptable... but be sure you KNOW it's intentional, because I'm 99% sure it isn't.

About the cat - THAT is being irresponsible. She needs to ask you to take care of her cat, because if not she'll start to rely on you and take advantage of you. Call or text her saying you will care for the cat this one time (because it's very inhumane if you don't and she still goes.) - but next time she needs to ask, take the cat, or not go. If she just says whatever, and keeps doing it, warn her once, and if she does it again - you give the cat away to a good home, or declare it your cat. You will be like the Humane Society, and if she decides to pick up and leave her responsibility, it is not hers anymore - it goes to you or someone else. Sorry, her loss. Maybe that will teach her to line up someone to care for her animal.

Answer 9

Think back to when you were 18..  you were probably ready to get out of your parents home and do your own thing too.

Give her room.. she needs to experience some freedom and try things for herself.  She will come around again when she's ready.

If you dont want the cat, then email her and tell her you dont want it.  Tell her she needs to make arrangements for the cat, give her a date by which she needs to do something, otherwise you will find the cat a home or take it to the shelter.

If you like the cat and dont want to see any harm to it, then tell her that if she doesnt come get the cat by a certain date, then you will consider it "your" cat and it will stay there.

Answer 10

your 18 year old "child' is not a child. I'm guessing she left like this because she needs her space...you've probably been crowding her.  Just give her a break. She'll come back to you.

Answer 11

honestly you need to realize she's 18 and doesnt need you as much as she did when she was five. she's an adult she needs her own life now. let her have her space. she'll come see you when she wants. as for right now let her do what she wants